I don't have any advice I'm afraid but Jaffa hated being picked up. He liked benign stroked, would cuddle up to me and sit on my knee, but he hated being restrained in any way or being picked up. I just accepted that he hated it and didn't pick him up unless absolutely essential (basically when he had to be put in his carrier) and accepted he would complain and squirm and it would be horrible for everyone!
Mosi loves being picked up - absolutely loves it and nestles into my neck for cuddles whenever I pick him up. I'm not sure whether that's just his personality or because he got used to it as a kitten. I remember when I collected him from the breeeder's house as a baby - I was carrying him around the house and chatting to the breeder for ages and I think he got used to it and associated it with nice things right from the start. But if you aren't in a n position to do that when they are very small, I don't know whether you can ever get pats that dislike of being picked up. A cat isn't in control when being picked up so I think most feel a bit vulnerable and as a result can panic and lash out.
Kito is ok being picked up and enjoys it much of the time but he doesn't love it in the way Mosi does.