Hi Becky,
Loads of great advice and i also echo everyone in the asap neutering, until then Mr Alpha Male Patch will leave scents and be dominant with little Daisy and just make introductions more stressful. As
Suzyncora suggests the Rug Doctor, I do know that you can hire this at Morrisons and B&Q also
So sorry about your Furrbaby Smudge
I read about him in the Rainbow Bridge section and so very devastating
and no wonder you are feeling the way you are
I lost my 13&half year old Boy in October and although (it appears) naturally after leaving to find his "spot" I, like JackSpratt still find it so difficult to believe, still think that the cat I found wasnt him and that it was all a terrible mistake and that he'll return once he's able to - and then the everlasting feeling of guilt of not acting fast enough as its not until he went I finally opened my eyes to how downhill he'd gone, in just a few days.....and although its not the same, I can relate to alot of your feelings
Like yourself, I also had 9 year old Nuggie - who had been the brother/son of Tazi since he was 5 weeks - and he took the departure of Tazi very hard. In December, I decided to adopted a 2year old lad, Peanut, so that Nuggie had a companion and truth be told - it was for me too. In a hope it would ease my pain - this didnt happen. I was numb towards Peanut at first and it took a few weeks before I could really smile at him from the heart and love him without feeling guilty or even that he shouldnt be there and that it should be Tazi
Introductions were up and down and sometimes (no matter the length of time) starting from the beginning again is what is needed. Also when the time is right for them to meet, like JackSpratt said, using toys and treats will associate good things upon seeing the other cat.
Feliway was also my saviour and although Nuggie is not at all perfect and has little or no feline ettiquate or social skills, there is a truce and a mutual understanding between the new pair. It is also not often a quick way of doing introductions depending on the cats. Some weeks and some longer, so dont be too disheartened.
Once little Patch has been "de-podded" (and the risk of him spraying everything has gone) then while Daisy is out then a wander around the house, to get used to Daisys scent and then Daisy will also get used to his scent when she comes in
I definitely agree also with Daisy having her "hiding places", boxes and the like and also perhaps, keeping one room for her that is her safe place, that doesnt have a Patch smell. For Nuggie, that was my bedroom (They do now share that but much to Nuggies displeasure and his determination not to let this silly baby steal everything
)
Also, do seek to gain a bond with Patch and you'll start to enjoy him. It will feel strange and continue to, but you will be charmed for his own personality
I hold my hands up and say I cried buckets getting Peanut, enjoying his little ways, cuddling him - the whole Shabang....but he isnt Tazi's replacement, or even substitute. My memories of him are mine and i'm building memories with the cheeky rescue kitty that deserved the home i could give
(Nuggie will always enjoy punching him on the nose, but even he is softening - from a distance LOL
)
Good Luck xx