Author Topic: How much can you mourn a pet?  (Read 5329 times)

Offline Mollys Slave

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #32 on: January 24, 2010, 16:01:28 PM »
Was Willow as serene and calm as her named suggests , it's a lovely name. 

no, she was a complete lunatic - she used to run around the house constantly.[/color] She was a serial sprayer and ruined countless carpets, rugs, curtains etc. We have lots of plastic containers with papers etc in that we daren't throw out but don't know what to do with so they are kept in the plastic boxes. I was searching through them last week trying to find my driving license and they still have the "eau de Willow" on  :sick: - when OH adopted her from a rescue in France, the card on her cage said that she was mentally unstable and not suitable for children and that she was aggressive. OH thought that she would never get homed and that was the reason she was chosen  :Luv2: she used to follow me around like a shadow and wanted to be picked up all the time - I miss her  :'(

She might be gone but she's still bringing joy,  I literally burst out laughing out loud when I read that first part!    Catching  the scent is gut wrenching but by the sounds of things,  she got a couple who chose her for all the right and  best reasons - you both gave her a good home, lots of love when it could have been far worse for her, and it sounds in return, she gave you lots of love, fun and wonderful memories of her life with you to always remember her by.  She wasn't that daft then  huh !
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 16:04:42 PM by Mollys Slave »

Offline Mark

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #31 on: January 24, 2010, 15:46:08 PM »
Was Willow as serene and calm as her named suggests , it's a lovely name. 

no, she was a complete lunatic - she used to run around the house constantly. She was a serial sprayer and ruined countless carpets, rugs, curtains etc. We have lots of plastic containers with papers etc in that we daren't throw out but don't know what to do with so they are kept in the plastic boxes. I was searching through them last week trying to find my driving license and they still have the "eau de Willow" on  :sick: - when OH adopted her from a rescue in France, the card on her cage said that she was mentally unstable and not suitable for children and that she was aggressive. OH thought that she would never get homed and that was the reason she was chosen  :Luv2: she used to follow me around like a shadow and wanted to be picked up all the time - I miss her  :'(
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Offline Mollys Slave

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2010, 15:14:11 PM »
.    I hope your own pain eases as I think I might be right that Willlow died quite recently.

Yes - 3 weeks ago today. There is a thread in the health section (I haven't asked for it to be moved as I don't believe in rainbow bridge and there isn't a section for "In memory of")
I have her ashes still in the "Yardley talc" type container in a paper carrier bag on a bedside table in a spare room. I know OH won't look at them. I am trying to come to terms but I can't equate the "shaker" (yes I have rattled it a few times  :shy: ) with Willow.

Poor you and poor OH. I know what you mean.  My vet's contact gave me Fluffy's ashes in a beautiful leather bound case, with a gold plaque with her name on it -  my stomach heaved every time I thought of my beloved wee cat being just ashes.  It's an odd feeling Mark and I'm not sure I still don't get the stomach heave even now writing about it.  3 weeks is too soon for you to feel much better - I guess we always miss them terribly, we simply 'cope'  or rather, learn to cope with the grief and that only comes with time.   The comfort in the ashes is that I've convinced myself that Fluffy knows that I'm still here for her and with her and she will never be forgotten.    Was Willow as serene and calm as her named suggests , it's a lovely name. 

Offline Mark

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2010, 00:56:23 AM »
.    I hope your own pain eases as I think I might be right that Willlow died quite recently.

Yes - 3 weeks ago today. There is a thread in the health section (I haven't asked for it to be moved as I don't believe in rainbow bridge and there isn't a section for "In memory of")
I have her ashes still in the "Yardley talc" type container in a paper carrier bag on a bedside table in a spare room. I know OH won't look at them. I am trying to come to terms but I can't equate the "shaker" (yes I have rattled it a few times  :shy: ) with Willow.
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Offline maryas

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2010, 00:06:23 AM »
Mark is spot on - I cried every day and night for 3 months when Smudge went missing and even more when I found him dead.  Smudge laid on the pillow next to me every night for 14 years.

We are closer to our pets because we have to care for them and because they can't talk (the human way!) we have to try and understand what they want/need and make decisions for them. :Luv2:

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Offline mervyn7451

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #27 on: January 23, 2010, 20:24:36 PM »


    I'm ashamed to say that I actually grieved for  Fluffy more than I did when I lost my dad.  I couldn't look at her photos without being completely distraught for a long time. 


I think its quite normal. Willow dying has affected me a lot more than my dad dying. I saw my dad twice a year on average but I spent the best part of 24 hours a day with willow for the last 6/7 years.

I agree,Orbit was there 24/7 & even tho Dad lived 6 miles away,it was only 2 or 3 time's a week I saw him.

Mark, thank you for this.   I had never thought of putting into that context before - I took the view that it might hve been as it was my last 'tie' to my parents (only child) - even though we were not a close family I still felt it was wrong - but you are bang on.  Fluffy was there with me every single day and she made me smile and feel very loved.    I hope your own pain eases as I think I might be right that Willlow died quite recently.
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Offline Mollys Slave

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #26 on: January 23, 2010, 19:39:03 PM »


    I'm ashamed to say that I actually grieved for  Fluffy more than I did when I lost my dad.  I couldn't look at her photos without being completely distraught for a long time. 


I think its quite normal. Willow dying has affected me a lot more than my dad dying. I saw my dad twice a year on average but I spent the best part of 24 hours a day with willow for the last 6/7 years.

Mark, thank you for this.   I had never thought of putting into that context before - I took the view that it might hve been as it was my last 'tie' to my parents (only child) - even though we were not a close family I still felt it was wrong - but you are bang on.  Fluffy was there with me every single day and she made me smile and feel very loved.    I hope your own pain eases as I think I might be right that Willlow died quite recently.

Offline Mark

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2010, 19:19:44 PM »


    I'm ashamed to say that I actually grieved for  Fluffy more than I did when I lost my dad.  I couldn't look at her photos without being completely distraught for a long time. 


I think its quite normal. Willow dying has affected me a lot more than my dad dying. I saw my dad twice a year on average but I spent the best part of 24 hours a day with willow for the last 6/7 years.
DO NOT BREED OR BUY WHILE SHELTER ANIMALS DIE

I believe I am not interested to know whether Vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't. To know that the results are profitable to the race would not remove my hostility to it.  Mark Twain

Offline Mollys Slave

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2010, 15:14:12 PM »
I have one of my horses' ashes here and can't even bring myself to do anything with them - I want to scatter some in her field but just can't even get the casket out yet.  The other two I couldn't get cremated but I still have their headcollars and other stuff which I won't use on any of the others. 

I have Fluffy's ashes too - I paid extra for an individual cremation - I don;'t want to put them anywhere that I might move away from - like the garden or somewhere.   Pathetic, but she's in my bedroom - a place she used to love lying spread out on the bed in the warm and quiet.   I don't have it in me to not 'have her' with me.   It's a horrible sadness.

Offline Mollys Slave

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2010, 15:05:52 PM »
Interesting piece on the BBC website...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8454288.stm

When Orbit died,I had not felt grief like it since my Dad died in 2000,not even when my uncles died. :(

when he died very suddenly and unexpectedly - I had to take in my Dad's cat - Fluffy .  I had her for about 3 years. She was only 7 and within a few short weeks, deteriorated so badly from severe kidney failure and I  had to take the Vet's advice and I lost her as suddenly as I did my father.     I'm ashamed to say that I actually grieved for  Fluffy more than I did when I lost my dad.  I couldn't look at her photos without being completely distraught for a long time. 

It took me 7 months to then get Molly as I desperately missed the company and even then I wasn't sure, took me about 3 months to really start to  bond with her if I'm honest as I was always comparing her to Fluffy, I wasn't 'over' Fluffy, but Molly was the best thing that came into my life.   I realise that I loved them both for very different reasons - they were totally different in nature - but I'd still be in a terrible state for so much longer if I had not got Molly, of that I am sure.

Yes, I still cry but with warm fondness and beautiful memories when I look at Fluffy's piccs now - and she'll be gone  3yrs this June. :'(
« Last Edit: January 23, 2010, 15:22:08 PM by Mollys Slave »

Offline Debsymiller (Rufus' mum)

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2010, 22:15:48 PM »
This is very interesting. When we lost Layla (bout yr and a half ago) it was so sad, she was so young (aged 2) but her whole life we had nursed her and so knew the time would come. I found I felt lots of guilt as we had had to make the decision for her but now the pain has eased, I know we made thr right choice and feel glad we gave her the chance she had and have so many happy memories of that sweet girl.
Rufus on the other hand, is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I have lost human family and friends and Rufus being killed (RTA) was the worst day of my life and I, nearly a year later still regularly cry and mourn him. He was my whole world and I loved him more than anything in the whole world. He was only 8 months old and so losing him was such a shock and I could never imagine more of a pain that I felt when I realised I would never see him again. I still can't quite get my head around 'why' and feel a great sense of injustice about it.
I can now speak about him sometimes but often I will find it hard and well up. Sometimes it hits me in waves and I miss him terribly. My gorgeous boy was so special and I don't think anything will ever match what i felt for him.

Offline Karon

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #21 on: January 15, 2010, 19:12:15 PM »
I have one of my horses' ashes here and can't even bring myself to do anything with them - I want to scatter some in her field but just can't even get the casket out yet.  The other two I couldn't get cremated but I still have their headcollars and other stuff which I won't use on any of the others. 

Offline woodlandcats

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #20 on: January 15, 2010, 07:21:21 AM »
Quote
I think what sometimes annoys me the most is when people imply that it's only because you're a saddo with no family or friends and that you had an unhealthy attachment to the pet.  As though having a partner, kids etc. would mean you wouldn't grieve so much.

Which of course is nonsense because I always had a partner and I have kids and I get support from them. It doesn't make mourning less.
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Offline ginge66

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #19 on: January 14, 2010, 18:48:09 PM »
Interesting thread, my parents are still alive so luckily i haven't gone through loosing someone close just yet although the thought terrifies me. When my last three cats passed on they were all really old and quite ill and they had to be put to sleep and although upset it was easier to deal with because i had time to get used to the idea.When i lost a young cat to an RTA, that devastated me. It took me longer to get over because the cat was young and it seemed such a waste of a young life and i can remember crying for days.

Offline Gill (sneakiefeline)

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #18 on: January 14, 2010, 18:38:45 PM »
I am over 4 years on and its still hard but not as bad as at the begginning, which was terrible.

Offline clarenmax

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #17 on: January 14, 2010, 16:56:02 PM »
Thankfully both of my parents are still with me, but I lost my Nan when I was in my early teens, and a good friend to cancer a few years ago, and whilst I was very upset, losing Max affected me much, much more than either of those events.

I genuinly did not think that I would ever feel any better, I was so low for quite few months, and still cry regularly, even though its nearly 6 months since we had to let him go.  I think when you have to make that final decision, it stays with you for a very long time  :'(

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Offline Philip

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #16 on: January 14, 2010, 16:18:42 PM »
A very interesting read.

I have been devastated every time I have lost one my my cats. It hurts more than words can express when they go. I know this might sound callous, but losing Jemilla was harder than losing my mum. Jemilla was the first cat I had to make the decision for and the guilt I felt was enormous.

It was on cat chat that I first learnt about the rainbow bridge. Something that has now become a great comfort to me.
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Offline tab

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #15 on: January 14, 2010, 08:40:25 AM »
I thought it was an interesting read.
I know Im missing Mogs so very much. She was part of my life for 12 years and for 10 of those Ive been practically housebound so for some days she was my only interaction. That possibly sounds bad against Amber but Mogs was very vocal so I would chat to her just hear a mew in reply. Amber doesnt mew very often at all.

I hope Ollie is ok today
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Offline Susanne (urbantigers)

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #14 on: January 14, 2010, 08:20:22 AM »
If you don't mourn a pet, there is something wrong with you.

I agree.  Although people mourn in different ways, I can't see how anyone who has lived with a pet in their life every day can fail to grieve when they die.  I was devastated when Magpie died and fortunately didn't come up too much against the "it's just a pet" attitude.  They were surprisingly good at work and when I went in after having 2 days off (I only went in for 2 half days to get Jaffa used to being on his own as I didn't want to suddenly leave him all day the following week) they were surprised and said they'd expected me to take the rest of the week off (he died on a Monday night).  I think what sometimes annoys me the most is when people imply that it's only because you're a saddo with no family or friends and that you had an unhealthy attachment to the pet.  As though having a partner, kids etc. would mean you wouldn't grieve so much.

Offline woodlandcats

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2010, 07:50:25 AM »
If you don't mourn a pet, there is something wrong with you. I knew of a woman who was like that. I couldn't stand her.
I still mourn over Ferris, Fergus and Fynn, the way I lost them was too cruel.
I will not mourn my brother as much as I ever did a pet, that's for sure.
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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2010, 01:32:41 AM »
I still cry over my cats that have gone and all except my Bungly have been gone over 10 years and i have cried for weeks over them.

I am still grieving for Bungly - 5 weeks tomorrow and i keep seeing her little face in my head and missing her sleeping on my pillow and above me on the sofa .
My cats are my family and my best friends - i have certainly cried more over them than any family .

I knew someone who never shed a tear when her cat of 10 years was put to sleep - i did , as he was a lovely boy who also had cancer and i have never spoken to her since !
Anyone who makes crass comments or shows no compassion -well i am afraid i just can''t be bothered with them - it was my new years resolution to cut the deadwood out of my life and have done now.
I also have their caskets on my bookshelf in my bedroom with their pictures on .
I am going to try and do a memory album too when i get round to it .


Hoping Ollie is okay from his fall - poor boy  :hug: :hug: :hug:

Offline Gill (sneakiefeline)

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2010, 00:20:26 AM »
I hopem Ollie is alright Zoe  :hug:

Offline maryas

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2010, 22:27:13 PM »
In April it will be 2 years since my Smudge died and I still mourn him.  I cry at least once a week.  I even had people close to me say pull yourself together he was only a cat but other friends were really supportive and when I came on Purrs I was so surprised how many people thought the same as me about their cats.  Smudge was my son and slept on the pillow next to me for 14 years.

People on here never knew him and the freindships and the supposrt I had from everyone was just so amazing.  :hug:

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Offline puggy1975 Zoe

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2010, 19:51:44 PM »
When Ollie was ill people in my worh said i should just get him out down and get another one. Some people seriously do not undersand

When Ollie started taking fits at first and had had several within a few hours i asked for emergency holidays it was completely frowned upon. I would never have forgave myself if i had not been home with him and something had happened to him

Even now i am still on edge permanently and feel quite stressed for instance tonight Ollie climbed up on the kitchen worktop and fell off landing on his back i was terrified he had hurt himself as the side effects of his tablets he gets a bit unbalanced from time to time. Never a moment i am not wondering if he is ok
« Last Edit: January 13, 2010, 19:52:59 PM by puggy1975 (Zoe) »
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Offline Liz

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2010, 19:45:33 PM »
Even though we have a large family every loss has devastated both of us and the fur kids and we take our own time to be able to remember them for the happy go lucky child they were wether it is feral, domestic or a doggie - I miss Jazz desperately and she has been gone nearly a month but she was my daughter for 15 years and my little pocket rocket who went everywhere with me for the last 2 years of her life - work, rest and play she was always there and I love both my boys to bits but they aren't my little girl :(

Most folks think we are quite mad - we go the full cremation and have all of our kids on 2 shelves in our bedroom, they have a photo wall in my study for the departed and of course my missing ones - each one who has graced our lives no matter how short or long the stay add a different dynamic to our set up and each has a story to tell some happy some sad but at the end of the day they have graced our lives and leave a legacy of laughter and tears and I wouldn't have missed any of them for the world ;D ;D
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Offline Karon

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2010, 19:41:22 PM »
I have had the "Just get rid of them" or "just have them put down" (or worse, with the horses, "why don't you just have it shot?") from so many people when I've mentioned vet bills, ill animals etc.  Needless to say anyone coming out with a comment like that sees another, not quite so easy going, side of me - my animals are my life as they are for so many people.    When Ellis got run over, I could barely cope at work until I knew how he was and when Baldrick went missing before Christmas I couldn't do anything at work for worrying about him.   My current colleagues don't understand that at all, which doesn't help - at least where I used to work were used to me! 

I haven't lost any of my pet cats yet, although my adopted farm cat died when she was quite young and I was in pieces when I was told her body had been found - I didn't even get the chance to see her as the person who found her said "it was only a cat" and disposed of her  :censored:  I still miss her now, and this is at least 14 years later.  Losing a horse is difficult enough, and they aren't a part of the family in the same way a cat is, quite.  I've had 3 horses PTS and, fortunately, have had colleagues who understood enough not to come out with any crass comments even though they weren't particularly animal lovers themselves.  I still can't talk about any of them, though, without tearing up.   :(

It sounds wrong, but I think I've cried at least as much over losing Coal (the adopted farm cat) and the horses as I did over losing my Dad.  You expect your parents to die before you, really, but also should expect your animals to have shorter lives than you yet it's still very hard to accept.   It's a different bond than the one between human family members but just as strong.

Offline Gill (sneakiefeline)

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2010, 19:00:26 PM »
I hope that many people read that out there and start to understand what most of us know, when you lose your best friend your world is devasted.

I used the Blue Cross service although by email cos was not able to talk about Kocka, the lady who emailed me was very good but at the end of the day one has to go through the whole grief cycle to come out the otherside and with some it takes longer than others.

I remember when Kocka was in hospital in London and had been for about a week and I took her carrier into the office cos I was going straight from work to take her home and some complete idiot made some very rude comment about hoping I did not have dead cat in there!

Luckily my boss was an animal lover and he used to let me leave early every day to go and visit Kocka cos it took so long and I wasnt getting home until 9 or 10 at night on public transport.

I hope that some can learn some compassion for those who lose their best friends and the more publicity the better,

Offline Mojo

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2010, 16:27:44 PM »
Losing Mango was soooooo hard for me, I have lost a lot of my family since 2005 and now at the ripe old age of 27 (mum, dad, gran, uncle, great uncle and aunt) and losing her was a different type of pain.

It was awful and I couldn't stop crying for days, still do bawl my eyes out. I can talk about my family but talking about her is still so hard. :-[

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Offline Claire_smc

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2010, 16:09:21 PM »
When an animal is in a person's life for such a long time as up to 20+ years, I find it incomprehensible that you wouldn't mourn when they died. Even if they were only with you for a short period of time, mourning is such a complex mixture of emotions that I don't think you could avoid feeling at least some of them. Even on it's most basic level of feeling sad that a living creature has passed away, even if they weren't your pet or involved in your life, is something that I would consider mourning, and I think that this is a basic human emotion to have. I often find that people who say things like 'just get another pet' or 'it's only a cat, they don't matter anyway' are people who've never had pets as they don't understand the bond which exists between a pet and their owner, if their friend died you wouldn't say 'just get another friend then' would you?!  That's just my take on it anyway.

I remember when my hamster Gracie died I cried for days and days about it. I imagine people thought I was stupid as it was 'only a hamster' but I was totally devastated  :(


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Offline Leanne

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2010, 15:39:29 PM »
I thought this was really interesting too. Having not been though an adult pet bereavement i don't know how I'll feel but I can imagine, and I dread the day I lose one of my boys.

I did a one day pet bereavement course and it was really interesting, non pet lovers don't seem to understand the bonds people have with their pets.

Offline clarenmax

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Re: How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2010, 14:12:37 PM »
Interesting article, and very true that non-animal lovers often don't understand how deeply the loss of a beloved friend does affect you.

One of my clients told me to 'just get another cat' when I lost Max, and even more when I told them how much his vet bills had been said I should have 'got rid of him'  :(

Awful attitudes, but I'm sure it won't be the last time we hear people say such things  :(

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Offline mervyn7451

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How much can you mourn a pet?
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2010, 13:57:03 PM »
Interesting piece on the BBC website...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8454288.stm

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