Grieving process

[Bazsmum]

What an awful thing to have to witness!    Tilly will pick up hun, these things just take time! 

[Marcia]

Taco seems to be much better today but Tilly is still a bit flat. She's curled up on the sofa next to me at the moment.
I hope i never have to experience something like that again. I felt completely helpless watching her cry out but my bf is going to write a letter of complaint to the vets that wouldn't see her, so that's something.

[Gillian Harvey]

I'm so sorry you lost Molly that way Marcia, so traumatic 

[Mark]

So sorry Marcia,

It mus have been so hard for you all watching her go like that - poor baby 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

What an awful story of vets and am so sorry that Molly went like that, she was such a stunning girl 

I think that her friends have seen her body will help but cat greif is very much like human grief from what I have read and loving them and giving them attention is about all you can do. like humans some take longer to grieve than others.

I am so very sorry about Molly 

[Fire Fox]

 

[Marcia]

Marcia,
Hello. I am so sorry about ^Molly^. AS I am fairly new here I do not know about her. May I ask what happened? How old she was and how old Taco and Tilly are?

Cat loss/cat grieving is something that I have rarely seen covered. Even our vet never mentioned it to us, so I am under the impression that it is largely ignored here. (I am in the USA) I also subscribe to 2 great cat medical newletters from 2 veterinary universities out here and they are just chalk full of wonderful articles and information. The other month one had an article on helping your cats deal with grief and loss. I felt the article was lacking in substance, but it showed me that perhaps the topic is starting to get known and understood here. Since I have little from veterinary sources on this topic I am going to defer to my own experience.

I asked about ^Molly^,  Taco and Tilly because I have found that when cats have been in each others company a long time that often the companions will follow within 18 months. I have seen this with our cats, with friends cats and reading stories on other losses. This often happens with human couples as well when they are senior. At least it happened with my grand parents and others I know. So I have learned to give a lot more attention to the remaining companion cats and try to keep them as busy as I can. I play with them more times through the day, I talk to them more, groom them more, sit with them more and give them a few more treats. My goal is to keep them occupied so they are not with as much free time to grieve, and as I always believed and that article said, they DO. They can become detached, quiet, call out for the missing companion a lot, search for the companion a lot, become lethargic and more. Sometimes the symptoms are not understood and no one realizes they are grieving and depressed. So give them all the attention you can. Show them you are not too upset and be there for them.

That is my advice, but I am just doing this from my experiences and I am sure others here will have better information and experiences they can share.

All that aside, I am so sorry! I will light a candle for ^Molly^. If you need to chat about your loss there are many people here who are happy to listen and offer you support. I am also always but an email away.

Sincerely,

David

Molly had just turned 4 years old, Tilly was the same age (they are sisters) and Taco is approx 2 years 9 months.

I'm not sure how she died. We left the house yesterday at 3:30pm and she was settling down on the kitchen chairs to sleep. She was really happy and she had been all day. We got home at just gone 8:00pm and she was yelling at us, but this was not a yelling that i'd ever heard before. It was very loud and she sounded like she was uncomfortable.
We called our out of hours vet for advice and they said that it's probably a bad tummy and that we should leave her for a couple of hours and see what happens.
Molly went to sleep on the sofa for a few hours and she woke up at 11ish and threw up. It looked a bit like chicken gristle (They all had a raw chicken wing each 4 days ago).

She started yelling again and it got louder and we thought she might be in pain so we phoned the vets again. They didn't see it as an emergency and said that it was probably a bad stomach and she'll be fine until the morning or at least until we could get her to our normal vet. We wern't satisfied with this so we phoned a different out of hours vet but we were outside of their treatment area or something like that. My bf did the talking on the phone. It took us ages to find another out of hours vet and when we did, it was nearly 12:30am. At this point she was breathing deeply through her mouth, she was almost gasping for breath and her gums turned a paleish colour. The vet called us back and said that it sounded serious and we were to bring her in asap. 5mins later, Molly started foaming at the mouth. my bf kept her head in an upright position so she wouldn't choke but she died about 10secs later 

My thought was that some chicken bone had got lodged or something like that because she was gagging but couldn't bring much up but the vet said it was unlikely because it would've shown itself by now. Whenever you touched her tummy, even lightly, she would cry out so i think the source was coming from there.

[CoolCyberCats]

Marcia,
Hello. I am so sorry about ^Molly^. AS I am fairly new here I do not know about her. May I ask what happened? How old she was and how old Taco and Tilly are?

Cat loss/cat grieving is something that I have rarely seen covered. Even our vet never mentioned it to us, so I am under the impression that it is largely ignored here. (I am in the USA) I also subscribe to 2 great cat medical newletters from 2 veterinary universities out here and they are just chalk full of wonderful articles and information. The other month one had an article on helping your cats deal with grief and loss. I felt the article was lacking in substance, but it showed me that perhaps the topic is starting to get known and understood here. Since I have little from veterinary sources on this topic I am going to defer to my own experience.

I asked about ^Molly^,  Taco and Tilly because I have found that when cats have been in each others company a long time that often the companions will follow within 18 months. I have seen this with our cats, with friends cats and reading stories on other losses. This often happens with human couples as well when they are senior. At least it happened with my grand parents and others I know. So I have learned to give a lot more attention to the remaining companion cats and try to keep them as busy as I can. I play with them more times through the day, I talk to them more, groom them more, sit with them more and give them a few more treats. My goal is to keep them occupied so they are not with as much free time to grieve, and as I always believed and that article said, they DO. They can become detached, quiet, call out for the missing companion a lot, search for the companion a lot, become lethargic and more. Sometimes the symptoms are not understood and no one realizes they are grieving and depressed. So give them all the attention you can. Show them you are not too upset and be there for them.

That is my advice, but I am just doing this from my experiences and I am sure others here will have better information and experiences they can share.

All that aside, I am so sorry! I will light a candle for ^Molly^. If you need to chat about your loss there are many people here who are happy to listen and offer you support. I am also always but an email away.

Sincerely,

David

[Bazsmum]

Sending big hugs out to you and the kitties! 

[JackSpratt]

They're pretty perceptive. I know when I'm especially anxious my cats usually act differently. You can't help grieving though; after all you lost a friend when you lost Molly too.

[Marcia]

Thanks. That link was a good read. I didn't realise that my own emotions and sadness could affect a cat 

[JackSpratt]

http://www.messybeast.com/cat-grief.htm

It's definitely a tough one. Asteroid most definitely grieved when we lost Jack in September - she'd sit looking into his hutch as though she expected him to come out of it. (In all fairness, I looked in there a few times. The mind plays tricks when you miss a loved one.)

Lots of cuddles, and I hope there's some helpful information in the link.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Liz]

Just love them and lots of extra treats and let them mourn their friend

Currently have 2 greiving doggies and 46 cats knowing something not right in our house - we lost our 15y.o. JRT on Tuesday night so know what you are going through

[Marcia]

As some of you will know, our beautiful Molly passed away early hours this morning 
Holly seems to be doing ok but Taco and Tilly have gone a bit quiet and they look a bit withdrawn. Tilly is sat next to Mollys body, my OH is going to bury her in a bit.
Is there anything i can do to help my remaining 3 moggies? I don't like seeing them like this, looking all lost