Oh Cheryl,
I am so sorry to read this...the worst possible news. Poor, poor little Ollie. Please God that he hasn't suffered too much during all this... cats mask their illnesses so well, bless them.
But no, I don't think you are being selfish Cheryl. I'm not familiar with Ollie's story but from what I can glean by reading some of your comments, he was leading a very sad and miserable life and you saved him from that and gave him a home filled with love and comfort and care. It is just so tragic that he hasn't had very much time to enjoy it. Unfortunately, this is all too often the case with the little strays. I don't know whether you can remember the story of Little Black Bob? After collecting him from that hell-hole in Cumbria (three years ago today) I was absolutely devastated to discover that the results of the many tests I had carried out on him at the vet hospital, pointed to FIP and I was advised to have him euthanased straight away. I couldn't get over it because he had suffered the worst possible life for such a long time and I wanted to make it all up to him.....he was such a little sweetheart and although I only knew him for a few days, he will live in my heart forever. I am thinking this is how you are feeling about Ollie.
I have often regretted having Bob pts there and then as the vet advised but at the time I was too upset to think of anything else and signed the papers to allow it. I have to say Cheryl, I have regretted it ever since. I would have loved one more night with the little guy.... However, if Ollie is suffering and is in extreme pain or discomfort I don't know what I should advise. But I don't think you're being selfish at all.
Ask the vet whether he is in a lot of pain and make your decision accordingly.
I have often cried for hours at a time over Bob. But last year after one such occasion, I prayed to be given a sign to let me know that he was okay and that very evening 'Twinks' turned up. We didn't find her until the following night but while I was dead-heading the flowers in the front garden I could hear a cat crying somewhere but couldn't identify where the noise was coming from..The next day I could hear it again and it was only when my husband went to fetch something from his car at 1.30 in the morning that he heard it too and realised that it was coming from the engine of my van! Fearing the worst, we rushed out with the keys and a torch and Steve set about opening the van up when this tiny, tiny black kitten appeared. She could not have been more than four weeks old and thankfully was unscathed but the amazing part of this story is that she was, and is, the image of Little Black Bob. And nobody had ever seen her before, nobody ever claimed her and nobody had reported a missing kitten. Was this my 'sign'? I like to think so.
All you can do Cheryl is what you have always done for Ollie. Just love him and you will know what you have to do...
He belonged to no-one before you gave him a home but now he belongs to you and because of that he will always belong to you and will stay with you forever....it was meant to be. I am certain that we will be re-united with our beloved pets again one day and when that day comes, we will never more be parted.
Think how dreadfully poor Ollie would have suffered if you hadn't taken him in when you did. Nobody would have noticed how ill he was and he would have died in agonizing pain. It is just too sad and I am so, so sorry.
Take care hun
Lots of love and special prayers for you both at this sad time
Roz
