Author Topic: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.  (Read 1974 times)

Offline Sam (Fussy_Furball)

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #15 on: February 04, 2009, 18:53:03 PM »
Hi Catlover ... how's Frostie doing?  Hope you are all OK

Sam xx
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Offline Janeyk

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2009, 13:12:43 PM »
 :hug: to you and your cats, we have experienced this too, it does help to comfort oneanother but I think it just takes time.
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Offline 2d

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2009, 00:27:24 AM »
Both of ours are finding it hard that we've lost Edward.

George is Edward's brother, and they were very close.  Often slept together - played together - George washed Ed lots.  He's still looking for him - he saw the vet wrap up Edward and take him out the front door, so he sits by the front door, as though he expects him to be coming home through the front door.  He's also taken to sleeping in Ed's bed - I think because it makes him feel closer to him.  We're spending more time playing with him because he no longer has his brother to run about with.  George and Ed never went out (their choice), so it's lonlier for him.

Magnus wasn't as close, being the newbie (ish), but often used to curl up next to Edward to go to sleep at night.  Now he looks for Edward at night before he settles and goes to sleep.  And he's started sleeping in the living room in the evenings with us - as though he doesn't want to be by himself - he always used to sleep alone on the bed till hub went to bed.  Mags is faring a little better than George, because he has the distraction of going outside.

Fortunately they're both still eating, and more or less behaving normally.  Although George has started overeating, which we're keeping a close eye on, and doesn't want to come when called (unless it's for food).

All I can do is re-iterate the advice you've been given - they take it differently - be there as much as possible if they need you, and let them be by themselves if they need to.  And keep an eye on her to make sure she's still eating and grooming etc. 

But it'll take time for her, just as for you. 
I know I'm still heartbroken about losing Eddy-puss - I can't imagine that the cats aren't too in their way.




Offline bonnielass

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2009, 00:00:32 AM »
I lost one of my beloved dogs last july and one of my cats Cheeks was her best friend,they played together,slept together and when Meg died she went looking and calling for her ,i allowed her to see Megs body and touch her,she laid with her for a while and kept nudging her as if to say wake up :( after a while she realised Meg wasnt going to and she walked away without looking back at her.For weeks she was a very depressed little puss who wouldnt play anymore until i got Axel (dog ) as he was similar in looks she immediately went to him and started rubbing round him and making little coo-ing noises,at first he was a bit scared of her but now hes her best friend and she sleeps with him and even shares his food :Luv:
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Offline catlover64

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #11 on: February 01, 2009, 23:06:03 PM »
Thank you I am going to do that sam, I am going to cuddle him tomorrow and explain.  Your words have been really comforting guys, so thank you it means alot. xxx :thanks:

Dark Moon

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2009, 22:43:47 PM »
Sam, you are not nuts either.

We all do what we can. I have spent too many days and nights holding them close, crying into their fur, trying to explain that which is not explainable.
And getting more comfort from them than I gave.

Point being... there is no magical formula. Loss is loss.It hurts. And I flat out don't care if you're a human or a cat or whatever. It HURTS. And no level of explaining will make it better.

Only love will do that.

And tears. And furry hugs. And maybe human ones too.

We are with you.


Offline Sam (Fussy_Furball)

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #9 on: February 01, 2009, 22:37:31 PM »
Ok at the risk of also sounding slightly nuts ... personally I would give Frostie a big hug and cuddle and actually explain to him why Scoobie isn't there any more.  Tell him how much you are also missing Scoobie and tell him you can help each other get through this difficult time together.   :hug:
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Dark Moon

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2009, 22:30:05 PM »
Hon...

You do NOT sound nuts. Far from it.

Frostie realizes......  but he just maybe wants to hope..........

I  have lived with cats all my life. And have Buried far, FAR to many of my babies. And have lived with the 'family' they have left behind.

TRUST me. He knows. He does NOT understand and so is confused. But he knows and is experiencing the loss.

He will never understand. Why should he? I have lost many - furred and 'naked'  alike - and I still don't understand.

We all of us just go on. Not understanding. Always hurting. But thankful.

And, yes, I have a hard time with that last one too.

There is nothing you can do for Frostie except try as best you can to maintain stability. Let him know that in what you DO, not how you hug him. That things, while different, will still be o.k. And that he is loved.

As are you.

Hugs.

Offline catlover64

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2009, 22:01:53 PM »
Thank you have all be so kind

Dark Moon, what I get upset about is that Frostie might not realise he is dead and might just think he didnt care about him and just left.  I know that probably sounds totaly nuts. xx

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2009, 21:37:47 PM »
Hi again Little One.

I have many cats. I have lost many cats. I think I speak from experience, as do all in this forum.

He has suffered a loss. They know before we do. Why is it we find their reactions hard to fathom? They are like ours in so many ways.

I do not know how they think. I know what I have seen over the years. They know love and companionship. If they were such friends - well, what would one expect?

Our household is in turmoil after a death. Never the same. Some of us may have been close, some not so much, but there is always an important being gone. And for those close...... My Simon still mourns for Hector (and Hector has been gone 5 years now). He keeps trying to do and be for Tony what he did and was for Hector. I have had similar, and worse, examples of cat depression following a death.

My Clawdette died suddenly this Dec.  They all knew and understood as she went through her last moments. But while (oh, I forgot. Her name is not allowed on this forum. Sad though. Beings how many of the heroines of your own literature were named that!) so we'll still call her "She whose Name Must Not be Written" wanted to come and comfort, some others fled. And some swirled around the periphery. And Winston ...

I have witnessed the same and worse in humans.

We all deal with sickness and impending death differently. So do they. And, as with us, the closer they were, the harder it is.

Your wee boy is suffering like you.

As for what to do now? Not much you can do. Comfort him when you can but don't force it. He's already upset. He will just deal with it in his own way. Best and only thing you can do is just make things seem as normal as they can be. Which is not to say to pretend this never happened. He knows it did. You must just go on. Cry if and when you feel like it. With him in your arms or not as he chooses. There is no magical formula.

Give him loves and kisses. He has lost a friend and brother.

a

Offline Sam (Fussy_Furball)

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2009, 19:21:04 PM »
The following link may be of interest:  http://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php/topic,4929.0.html
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Offline Feline Costumier

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2009, 19:14:12 PM »
Hi J! So pleased you have come and found us here on purrs, you are in the right place :hug:

I second everything BC says, our babies will mourn in much the same way we will. Lots of smooches and also space to do his own thing.

Don't forget to let yourself grieve too :hug:

Offline catlover64

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2009, 19:00:35 PM »
It breaks my heart to think of him heartbroken about his friend.  When he stayed at the vets last week, Frostie would go to the door and look for him whenever it opened.

Offline blackcat

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Re: Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2009, 18:52:07 PM »
If scoobie had spent some time at the vet then he would smell different and frostie would have picked up on that. Do you still have the rug or blanket that scoobie was on when he was PTS? If so, leave it with frostie in his bed so that he can tell from the smell that his pal has gone. Otherwise, just let him take things at his own pace for a couple of days, be gentle and kind with him and give him a few extra treats. Cats will often go looking for their lost pals, so keep an eye on him when he goes outside ...

Offline catlover64

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Advice needed about the friend he leaves behind.
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2009, 18:45:39 PM »
As you know my adorabled boy died today.  He was truly inseperabled from the one of my other cats, a small tabby.  They used to cuddle, kiss and sleep together.  Scoobie used to wash him it was so lovey to watch them together.

When scoobie came home last week, Frostie went and hid under the bed for a couple of days and seemed weird.  Scoobie was home but quiet.  Why did frostie act that way, did he have some way of knowing and two, I am so worried that frostie will pine away for him.  Any advice would be great.  We have one more tabby but she keeps to herself.

 


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