Topic: Men !! (Read 4013 times)

Ela · « **Reply #24 on:** February 06, 2007, 08:31:50 AM »

Quote

Just one piece of advice, dont' let the anger stay for too long ....

That too is very sound advice.

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #23 on:** February 05, 2007, 21:56:29 PM »

Hi Gail,

I've just seen your reply to Jasmine ... great advice! I'm pleased you have moved onto the next phase ANGER! You are right it really does help ... you are obviously a strong, intelligent women and I have no doubt you will get over this and be an even better person as a result. Just one piece of advice, dont' let the anger stay for too long .... it's a destructive emotion and to be perfectly honest wasting any emotion on this low life would be a waste of your energy and time. With any luck you will be at the next phase ... indifference ... very soon.

Lots of love and big hugs

Sam

Littlebobo · « **Reply #22 on:** January 31, 2007, 20:05:26 PM »

Gail,

Personally i think the guy is a loser and you are way better than a spineless

who thinks it is mature to dump someone by text ..

Here is to a new you, like the girls have said get your haircut, buy a new outfit get your nails done !!

Wendy Q · « **Reply #21 on:** January 31, 2007, 12:48:22 PM »

I think the best way to get through something like this is to keep busy. I took on a part time pub job and arranged loads of things to look forward to with my friends. Try to focus on some goals of what would make you happier and keep busy. I think the key is to spoil yourself and be selfish. Do all the things you haven't done for yourself for ages. At first I hated being in my house but once I got my 2 kittens it felt like home again. Also, they had so many visitors I didn't have time to think of my ex! Time is a great healer, doing nice things in that time will help immeasurably! xx

Em · « **Reply #20 on:** January 31, 2007, 12:33:42 PM »

Quote from: Ela on January 31, 2007, 12:30:49 PM

You are a cruel lot

Hmmm.... quite catty, in fact...

Ela · « **Reply #19 on:** January 31, 2007, 12:30:49 PM »

You are a cruel lot

Em · « **Reply #18 on:** January 31, 2007, 12:28:24 PM »

Here's another one (although doesn't translate so well from Swedish...)

Men are like toilets - either taken or full of sh!t...

I guess you could also say that some are vacant??

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #17 on:** January 31, 2007, 12:07:42 PM »

Men are a like a pack of cards:

You need a Heart to Love 'em.

You need a Diamond to marry 'em.

You need a Club to beat em.

You need a Spade to bury the B

d's

Smudgey · « **Reply #16 on:** January 31, 2007, 10:14:37 AM »

here's a quote thought might make everyone smile

Boys/men are like nappies Hard to change and full of poop!!!!!

Wrong word at the end but you get the gist

Kittybabe (Ruth) · « **Reply #15 on:** January 30, 2007, 20:53:55 PM »

Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're the one that has the problem. The whole "its not you its me" story is a bunch of bull. They just say that to make themselves better. Fact is, it is them! Makes me so angry when I read this. You are a strong woman, and you have a huge, albeit nutty cat support group here, who are all here for you.

And if you ever need a general chat, to talk to someone who like others on here has been through what you have, then send me a PM.

Be strong and think about your babies there who like to see their mum smile...of course they will just think its for them

Kelly · « **Reply #14 on:** January 30, 2007, 20:47:46 PM »

Awww Gail hun - why do men do that?

I always believe that things happen for a reason - you have to otherwise you'd never get out of bed. If a partner can do this to you so easily then he clearly is not the right man for you. If he was, he would have a) done this in person and b) stuck around to talk it through with you. He gave you no thought at all and thats what you need to remember - you being upset and down is only playing into his hands - he has totally left you dangling - if he came back in 2, 3, 4 weeks time would you take him back safe in the knowledge he wouldn't do this to you again? The fact is he has destroyed all the trust - I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but despite being a TOTAL cliche, spend some time living for yourself and when you're ready let men slowly back in, you don't have to rush - but put this guy to the side - if he calls be polite but just let him know you're not interested - you can let him know how he has hurt you and for that reason he needs to leave you alone. The hurt will pass and you WILL meet someone - someone who is completely different, who does all the little things your ex never did.
I was in a relationship for 2yrs and when he dumped me I physically hurt. 2yrs after that - after clinging onto every crumb my ex threw me (losing all my dignity - PLEASE DON'T be like me!) I met my current partner. He does everything for me, tells me he loves me every single day, we have a little boy and a home, don't get me wrong he ain't perfect - he doesn't call when he's gonna be late from the pub grrrrrrr, but I can live with those things. I couldn't live with my ex's imperfections because they affected me (taking the mick all the time, never saying he loved me) It took time, but you need the imperfect relationships to see that the next guy (or the next) IS the right guy for you!!!!!

gailjackson · « **Reply #13 on:** January 30, 2007, 17:20:07 PM »

Thank you so much for all your kind words - I have cut and pasted them onto a Word document and printed them off to keep in my bag to read when I have my negative moments - which has been a lot today...

I wouldn't wish how I feel on anyone at the moment - I feel like my world has been turned upside down, but its good to know that it will pass - just got to 'ride the storm' and that my knight in shining armour is waiting for me somewhere...oh and this time I want one who loves cats - the other one was not an animal person at all which in hindsight would not have worked long-term anyway...

You are all keeping me going at the moment - and my mum, who keeps bringing me stew round as I ust can't eat properly at the moment...thanks, you are all stars xxxxxxx

ccmacey · « **Reply #12 on:** January 30, 2007, 10:10:07 AM »

And I thought men were supposed to have balls!

Wendy Q · « **Reply #11 on:** January 30, 2007, 01:17:27 AM »

Hi Gail, sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. I finished with my boyfriend of 3 years who also lived with me 18 months ago. Although it was my choice as things had become impossible it was difficult to make the decision and stick to it. I know what you are going through is worse but I just wanted to let you know that it does get easier and once you are over it you will hopefully be happier without him than you were with him. I also made some changes to the arrangements of the furniture which surprisingly does help! Oh and obviously had my hair cut, bought clothes and got 2 lovely Birman kittens (who are far more affectionate than the ex!!). You will be able to do what you want when you want and only have yourself to worry about and spend your money on. Keep your chin up, no-one deserves someone who will treat you like that after a long relationship xx

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #10 on:** January 29, 2007, 18:35:37 PM »

Hi Gail and sorry to hear you were also involved with a piece of pond scum! I went through exactly the same thing as you last September. I also received a text at work telling me he had moved out ... talk about bolt from the blue! We had also been together for 4 years.

Although he used the "it's not you it's me line" which does seem very cliched just keep reminding yourself how true it is! It really isn't your fault ... he is the spinelsss low life who took the cowards appraoch to finishing the relationship.

My only piece of advice to you is forget him ... edit him completely from your memory bank. DO NOT waste your time, energy or emotions by going down the "is there someone else" route, it will do you no good and will only turn you into a bitter twisted person. If there is someone else ... great ... it means he won't be bothering you. Try to remain positive and look at all the positive things that will come out of being single. You now get the whole bed to yourself (and your furbabes), you can do what you want when you want - if that involves sitting in front of TV all weekend eating chocolates and ignoring the housework then go for it girl ... it's your house, and your life, live it how you want. If you want to spend hours in the bathroom you won't be disturbed ... try and be a bit selfish for a while it is very therapeutic.

I know it probably all feels a bit raw at the moment but it will pass and you will survive without him. When you are feeling low just keep reminding yourself .... HIS LOSS!!

We are all here for you and many of us understand what you are going through.

Take care and BIG

With regards to your lack of computer at home .... does your company sell off old computer equipment? It might be worth tapping up someone in the IT depatment and seeing if they have an old PC in need of a good home. When my ex took our PC with him I managed to get an ancient PC from work .... it wasn't the prettiest or the fatest but for what I needed it for (chatting to my "cat" friends it was fine in the short term. If you don't have an IT dept it might be worth just asking colleagues .... it's surprising how many people have an old computer tucked away waiting for rehoming.

Linda (Bengalbabe) · « **Reply #9 on:** January 29, 2007, 18:27:19 PM »

Hi Gail, I have a story with a happy ending ................

I was with my partner for 9 years, we had set up home together and settled into what I thought was normal life after the initial excitement. He was not my daughters father but none the less had been in her life for 9 years. At the end of 2001 he proposed to me after years together and we set a date of May 2002 to get married. With limited time plans got under way and I got caught up in the excitement. Around valentines day of 2002, I noticed he had become very moody when we were on our own and one Friday night soon after, decided to confront him. Well to cut a long story short within 20 minutes he had told me he no longer wanted to be with me, had packed a small amount of his clothing and fled the house. He would not speak to me about it or come see my daughter to explain what was going on and I was left to cancel the wedding, explain to friends etc. Like you I was in bits, could not stop crying, was not eating, sleeping etc.

Within a few months, I got the house signed over to me (after giving him a financial settlement) so therefore giving me and my daughter the security we needed. Some months later I met a fantastic man who truly appreciated me for what I was and we bought a fantastic house together. The ratbag did come back sniffing around and I was never as satisfied as to tell him to sling his hook. I now feel he did me such a favour otherwise I would have settled for a life that is not nearly as happy and satisfying as I now have. I've also fast tracked my career and my daughter is now 17 year old and is a beautiful well adjusted young lady.

With my beautiful bengal babies to boot, I have done very well for myself. Often what can seem like the worst thing ever can eventually lead to such happiness!!! I am living proof. So take care of yourself Gail and focus on the future. I know its hard but the rewards are there.

Linda x

gailjackson · « **Reply #8 on:** January 29, 2007, 17:55:20 PM »

thanks so much everyone..you are all so right - its just nice to see it all written down...I have enough friends so I don't need an ex-partner as another one !!
I love the idea of moving things round at home, changing things a bit - luckily its MY house and I have no kids apart from my furbabies so at least we are not homeless !!

I am trying to be positive ..watch this space ! x

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #7 on:** January 29, 2007, 17:45:12 PM »

Sorry cant help but I love D&Fs answer and reckon thats exactly the way to go .

Keep smiling and get a puter

ccmacey · « **Reply #6 on:** January 29, 2007, 17:02:52 PM »

Yes Gail- seems strange but this maybe a happy ending for you, he has no guts to do that to you, and he also kicked you when your down.
I mean "happy ending" in the terms that you have now got rid of this

Hope your feeling better soon.

JackSpratt · « **Reply #5 on:** January 29, 2007, 14:59:02 PM »

Quote from: Duncan and Findlay on January 29, 2007, 14:35:13 PM

Maybe not quite a 'happy ending story' but if he has truely moved out, then you really got to cut ties with him completely. 100%. No quibble. Unless you have children together, there is absolutely NO sense in going down the 'lets still be friends' route - as basically, that's a load of cat litter. If he's still texting you or phoning up 'for a chat' tell him to stop, he's not your responsibility anymore. Finito.

Wow! I'm friends with someone I went out with when I was a lot younger, and it has to be said he's one of my best friends. Trying to best friends STRAIGHT after the break up is a terrible idea, though.

I agree, his loss. And finishing things the way he did shows a distinct lack of respect. Enjoy being single, being yourself. You deserve to be treated a heck of a lot better than a text at work to finish a four year relationship. And one day, I'm sure you will be. Until then, enjoy your freedom!

I'm so sorry about Felix.

Leanne · « **Reply #4 on:** January 29, 2007, 14:57:08 PM »

I was also dumped by text by my ex of 8 years!!!I do sort of but won't tell you my stry don't want to upset you further

Have some time to yourself, chill out do all those things he hated you doing, watch lots of chick flicks get out with your friends and have fun.

Cut your hair as well they say thats always a good change, more importantly be selfish and I am sure when you're ready the right man will come along

Duncan and Findlay · « **Reply #3 on:** January 29, 2007, 14:35:13 PM »

Maybe not quite a 'happy ending story' but if he has truely moved out, then you really got to cut ties with him completely. 100%. No quibble. Unless you have children together, there is absolutely NO sense in going down the 'lets still be friends' route - as basically, that's a load of cat litter. If he's still texting you or phoning up 'for a chat' tell him to stop, he's not your responsibility anymore. Finito.

Go get yourself pampered, treat yourself to something random, change something in the house - like move the furniture round, move the bed to a different spot, etc... Little things that, although similar, are changed to reflect a brand new start.

Feck him. It's his loss - all he's done is open the door for you to meet someone else or to pursue your independence. And go out there and grab it with both hands! This is your chance, time to take it. This period of your life will only feel negative if only you let it. Don't let it. Positivity is your new best friend, and boy are you two gonna have fun together.

Ela · « **Reply #2 on:** January 29, 2007, 14:00:48 PM »

Quote

has anyone got any stories of happy endings after break-ups to cheer me up??

Fortunately I have no idea about this, but I wish you well and as they say everything happens for a reason, lets hope better things are ahead for you.

gailjackson · « **Reply #1 on:** January 29, 2007, 13:51:25 PM »

Hi Everyone, I just wanted to let off some steam. Some of you may know a week las monday my beloved cat Felix went to Rainbow Bridge and I was devastated, then last Tuesday I got a text from my partner of 4 years out of the blue just saying he was sorry but he'd moved out as he's not sure what he wants any more !! I got the message at work !!! How inconsiderate is that?? I honestly had no idea !! I've since spoken to him and he's given me the 'its not you its me' line - I've been in a terrible mess, can't eat, can't sleep, luckily my family and my furbabies have kept me going !! He's taken to the home pc so I now have no access in the evenings when i need to speak to people most!!
I know I'll get through this but its hard..has anyone got any stories of happy endings after break-ups to cheer me up??

thanks for listening to me xx

Author Topic: Men !! (Read 4013 times)

ccmacey

ccmacey