Can't seem to get over losing Casper

[Liza]

Such sad news about Casper.  My "little boy" Indi died last December after a rta, the vets tried everything for 3 days but in the end I decided I couldn't let him suffer anymore.  The guilt at signing that piece of paper was terrible.  It took me and my other half months to stop crying at the sight of any of his things and we'd sleep cuddling his blanket.  We got him cremated and put his ashes put in a lovely cat carving from the crem.  He now sits in our lounge, we still say hello to him and "stroke" him but the pain is fading.  We now have 2 bundles of joy in Jet & Cruz who we got from the Cats Protection in June of this year..........Indi would certainly not be impressed with them taking over his house 

I will get easier

xxx

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Claire that is so nice  Felix sounds adorable and I am so pleased he is helping to comfort you.

[Claire M]

Thank you all so much for your replies,It's so comforting to know you are all out there,your support is pulling me through this and I know it will get better in time. If I didn't have Felix I would most definately have another puss,in fact Casper's Mum is pregnant again,and I would dearly love one (or two) of her kittens,but I know deep down that Felix would not be happy if I brought another cat into his home,he only just tolerated Casper,and I don't want to upset him again.Since Casp went he hardly goes out,and seems so happy and settled.He has been such a comfort and I don't know what I'd do without him.I have 2 of my favourite pics of Casper in frames, I talk to him a lot, I planted his very own christmas tree on his grave,(he toppled ours last year so many times we had to take it down on boxing day),and I have bought a lovely set of outdoor lights for it.He was only with me for a year,but we were so close,and I miss him so much.

[CurlyCatz]

when i lost soots i was going out with michael and his mother said she knew exactly how i felt - she said she felt abit sad if a dairy cow had to be shot aswell?

like the two were comparable !!!!

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

I wish I'd known about catchat when Magpie died.? I did have a group of online friends who were great, but while my RL friends and family were sympathetic to begin with after about a week they seemed to have forgotten he even existed!? At xmas it was only 2 months since he'd died and I wanted to remember him (I bought a small present and hung it on the tree with his name on) but to everyone else it seemed like it was all in the past.? Nobody made any mention of him at all.

[Linda (Bengalbabe)]

Hi Claire, so sorry to hear of your loss?

It was this time last year I lost my beloved Ellie to an RTA.? I had adopted her 4 years earlier as a 2 year old from my local CPL.? I had no other furbabes at that time and my whole life just seemed to go on hold whilst the greiving process kicked in (and kicked in hard!).? Unfortunately at that time I had not discovered CC and felt so alone (most of my family and friends don't have furbabes and really did not understand how upset I was - I often felt they wanted to 'give me a shake').

With no furbabe in my home I did immediately adopt Stitch from the same CPL as Ellie.? Probably too soon for me as I did go through a period of comparing Stitch to Ellie (which was very unfair, as Gill says you can't replace, its just another furbabe who needs your love and is very much an individual).? I do still get upset from time to time and particulary the anniversary of her death was pretty bad.? Don't feel any embarrassed by what you feel, it just proves what a wonderful person you really are.? We are all here for you Claire to support you as much as we can through these really difficult times.

Linda x

[Michelle (furbabystar)]

Hi claire,

You are so not alone - everyone is here for you.

Most people have been through loosing a much loved cat so know what you are going through.
None of us here think "he was just a cat" (thats what my friend said when i lost my first one).

It will get easier Claire i promise but it is still such early days for you. In time the tears will stop and you will be able to smile when you think about ^Casper^

I lost my last one in Jan 05, almost 2yrs ago, and although i miss him still so much i dont often cry anymore but saying that the other day i had a really bad day! Had to get some photos out for something and started looking at his album - well i ended up sobbing for about 2hrs.

I have used this site when i have lost each of my babies -
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ptbereavemen

Such lovely people on there that really care and know what you are going through.

Hang on in there hun - although at the moment i know you cant see an end to this pain it will get better

Much love
Michelle xxxxx

[Rosella moggy]

Hi Claire. Like everyone else that's posted replies, I know how you feel.

I suppose the worst loss I had was Dingle who had been with me from 8 weeks to almost 21 years of age. We were joined at the hip. She was pts on my birthday in 1997.

Unfortunately I don't believe in an afterlife BUT for days afterwards I kept seeing her out of the corner of my eye but, when I turned to look, she wasn't there. After a few days of this I stop turning to look which meant that she WAS there which was tremendously comforting.

It was about 6 months later that I noticed she had "gone" (there now ...the tears have started again nine years later!) but I guess didn't need her anymore.....

I hope you find something to help your grief. Another cat has always done it for me. They just soak up all that love you have to give but you are right that you also have to think of Felix

[Roz]

Oh Claire,

I am so, so sorry for you....and of course, for your sweet little Casper, who was still so young.? It is always painful when you lose a pet but to lose one so tragically on the road is unbearably heartbreaking.

Trust me, you will eventually learn to live your life without him....but you will always love him.? It took me years to overcome the grief I felt when I lost my beloved Ruby in an RTA.? It was only when I lost my next pet (which, sadly, was expected because she was old and had cancer...bless her), that I stopped grieving for Ruby 24/7.?

You feel so guilty because somehow, others around you, who also shared the love of that wonderful animal, seem able to move on more easily.? Because they can, you feel that you should be able to too. But you cannot. I know, I have been there....and in many ways, I still am.

I did take positive steps...I gave a home to a rescue bengal (Ruby was a bengal) and I developed the cat-proofing system...but nothing stopped me from hurting, or thinking back.

I also read everything I could find on the afterlife and spoke to many people about their experiences (vets included)....although I've never visited a medium.....and, six years on, I am absolutely convinced that there is an afterlife.? Please believe me, I was not looking for false reassurance ....that would be futile...but I have read and talked and racked my brain about this subject for so long that I am now certain about it.? I could go into why I believe this and endeavour to explain my conclusions but that would take forever and would involve some heavy philosophy.

All I will say is that Casper is now at peace and is watching over you from somewhere very beautiful.? Try to hold on to that thought but do keep talking to him because he is not very far away...and will always be close to you.

Take care hun.? If you need someone to talk to, just e-mail me for my number.

Lots of love

Roz

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

Claire I would have a look for resuces in your area (use the CC link http://www.catchat.org/adoption/index.html click on the map for you bit of the country) Then just give your nearest rescue a call or email and ask them if they need cat strokers/cuddlers. Nothing ventured nothing gained.   You can do as much or as little as you like and I'm sure the resuces will be pleased for ANY help you can ofer.

Go for it Gal ... just think of all those kitties wanting a cuddle coming up to Xmas.

[Claire M]

Thanks everybody so much for all your kindness,the tears are running down my face reading your replies! I would love to spend more time with cats,helping out or even a permanent job,but don't know how to go about finding out about it.I have my Felix though and he is lovely,he sleeps with me every night now,he's such a comfort.It's hard right now as it was this time last year that Casper had come into my life as a lively kitten,getting into constant mischief.It's a real comfort knowing that you are all there for me,I don't feel so alone.I will think about pet bereavement,I think it will help once I can get over being able to talk about him without breaking down.Thanks so much everyone. x

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

oh lynne , never ever think another cat will replace shadow. shadow was unique and will always have a purr in your heart and another cat will be also unique and just a new member of the family

[lynne]

Hi Claire? As you know I also lost Shadow (RTA,we think) roughly the same time as you lost casper, so I know exactly how you feel.

I also have bad days, especiailly at weekends. ?
Lots of tears, and "If only" and "Why" questions, yes I still struggle, so you are not alone.

I also found Chat chat at this time and found everyone so helpful.

I decided to go for that kitten I was offered,(CC advise was sought!) and I finally rang a couple of days ago, but it had been re homed. (fate) Im glad in a way as I feel dreadful even thinking about "replacing shadow" and I have zig to think about too.

Hugs to you claire.? Mail me soon? lynne X

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

I agree with beccy cos I found just seeing cats again helped me but I got two new cats within a week and I needed to cos my house was so lonely

[Beccles]

Claire I'm so sorry you're having such a rotten time. I can't talk (or even write) about any of the 3 pets I lost in recent years without tearing up but I didn't have quite as bad a time as you have had.

If you're really struggling there is a befriender service kinda like counselling and their number is 0800 096 6606 - alternately feel free to drop me an email or do messenger if you'd prefer.

If it's making you feel really poorly like problems sleeping or concentrating or eating then please go and see your GP too cos its very possible that so much upset has put your hormones/chemicals a bit out of whack and it may be that they want a bit of a nudge back into line to let you carry on your life.

I would very seriously consider finding a way to spend time with some moggies again - at first it will make you feel awful but it might be that you're pretty much 'just' really really lonely - of course there's no just really, proper loneliness is terrible. Lots of shelters would love someone just to come and give some of their inmates a bit of a cuddle once in a while.

[Tiggy's Mum]

Claire, I know that people saying this now really doesn't ease the pain you are feeling but over time instead of being sad when you think of him you will look back fondly and smile.  When I lost Benji 7 years ago I thought I would never get over the pain, I can now look back and think of all the lovely things he used to do and how much he was loved and in turn loved me.

One thing I found that really helped was having a song for him, then I could listen to 'his' song and remember him.  I chose Bright Eyes and although it makes me sad to hear it I could concentrate my grief on that song, like you I would burst in to tears at work, whilst driving, in bed, watching TV - having his song was really comforting.

There is a really beautiful song by Lonestar called 'Amazed', the lyrics are below, I change the words slighty ie hair is fur! but this is my special song for Tiggy.  It is such a lovely song and the words are so meaningful, you can download it from places like Napster but I would be happy to send you a CD with it on if you liked it.

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

Solo

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

[Desley (booktigger)]

Claire, it isn't a pathetic post, losing a cat can be incredibly hard, and it affects us all in different ways. Nearly everyone on here knows the hurt you are going through, and it will take time to adjust - I am sure Gill said you can e-mail the pet bereavement people on CC, and I Really would consider doing it, as much a we all know how you are feeling, they are trained and might be able to help. Big hugs, adn you have my e-mail address, feel free to mail whenever you need.

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

Claire, just wanted to say you're not cracking up.  Like the others have said, it's natural to feel like you do.  When we lost Flynn I just couldn't accept it. 

Think the worst time was at night - he always used to sleep with us, and I'd often wake up to find him gazing into my face with a wonderful smiley, happy look on his face.  I just used to break up and cry. It got so bad my husband spent some time sleeping in the spare room - he said he couldn't bear to be near me, my grief was so raw.

Try and stay focused on the good times you shared, petal.  And above all give yourself time to heal.

{{{{{hugs from me }}}}}}

[CurlyCatz]

claire i was like you for the best part of a year when i lost sooty, Then gradually  over the next couple of years the pain started to ease and i didnt think about it every single day altho it is never 100 miles from my mind.

I'll never forget getting his ashes, actually mike from the crem gave them to my boss and my work kept them from me till they thought i was strong enough to have them.. i collased on the floor when i did get them..it was actually the first casket i'd seen and couldnt get over how small it was when my soots had been such a big powerful cat.  Even now almost 11 years later i cry and it seems like yesterday and i cannot part with his ashes.

4 wks is nothing hun, allow yourself to accept what you are feeling is normal and the grieving process takes alot longer and you are not being silly !!!!

Its an old cliche but time does heal, you'll never forget but are able to cope with it better.

XXXX

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

Claire I would consider the councillor ... don't worry about the sobbing ...these people are trained to deal with this sort of thing and it may actually help you.

Of course we are all here for you and like everyone else has said 4 weeks is no time at all.  The trouble with being hearbroken over a furry friend is that some people make us feel as if we are being silly grieving for them.  But if it was your child that had been run over outside your house you'd be given time off work and and everyone would be full of sympathy ... double standards in my book.

Take care babe and try to focus on all the funny things Casper would get upto.  When Sox went missing I threw myself into the catchat forum and like someone else has already said I concentrated on trying to help others who had lost their furbabes or whose little were poorly by offering advice, hints and tips or even just words of support (somewhat similar to this really) just letting others know you are there and understand not onlly help them but it helps you.

Big hugs and lots of kitty kisses from Foxy, Zephyr and Rossi xx 

[Jennbear]

Hi Claire, was so sorry to read about Casper. What you're feeling is perfectly normal and don't beat yourself up about the way you feel. Casper was part of your life and always will be in your thoughts and heart. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that there are people around you that will be here to support you through this difficult time.

Sending you lots of hugs
x

[JackSpratt]

Claire, I think it's perfectly normal. You lost a member of your family, and it takes time to come to terms with that. (I'm not going to use the phrase "get over that", I personally think you never get over losing someone you care about;human or furry family member.)

Just remember, Casper will have known he was loved all the time he was with you and that's the bit to focus on. The good times you had together; be grateful you got to share a part of your life with such an amazing creature. I hope you feel happier and more at peace with the situation soon.

((Hugs))

[Claire M]

Thank you so much,it does help to post as I know there are people here that understand,and that helps.Jasmine,thank you for the link,I would try it but I can't talk about him without sobbing,so it would'nt be much of a conversation!Perhaps in a while.Susanne,I talk to him all the time,I do feel he is around sometimes as a couple of uncanny things have happened,and my other boy Felix is starting to do things that Casper did,it's quite wierd.I bought Felix an orange feather boa yesterday,he had a completely wild time with it and it's now missing quite a lot of plumage,and I was thinking how much Casp would have loved it,he used to bring feathers in from the garden all the time(which set me off again) It's because he was so young,and it was so unfair,I blame myself a lot,feel somehow that I let him down,wish I had kept him as an indoor cat,but he loved the garden so much,chasing leaves and butterflies.Gill and Claire,thank you for being there,I know you followed my original thread and your support means so much,thank you

[Claire Hirsch]

Claire, I know how you feel and I should think lots of other folk here do too.
As others have said, everything you describe is normal in the sense that it's a symptom of grief.
Grief's a funny thing that way, be it for our beloved cat or indeed another person. Almost every human on the planet above a certain age knows what terrible grief feels like. But when we're grieving we feel ashamed- as though we're the only person on the planet suffering this awful pain, and we all keep our grief hidden and secret from each other.
My way through was to read lots of CC posts, and then after about two or three months I began to help out with some rescue work. (I didn't feel ready to adopt another cat).
Keep talking to us all if it helps. At least we understand even if we can't do anything to ease your pain.

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

4 weeks is nothing, Claire {{{hugs}}} ?How you're feeling is perfectly normal and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. ?If you'd lost a human friend or relative no-one would expect you to be 'over it' in 4 weeks. ?Casper was special and a part of your family so you're bound to feel bereft now that he's not there. ?It does gradually get better but you won't ever stop missing him. ?And you can be "pathetic" as much as you like on here. ?We understand.

I know it sounds daft, but what helped me with Magpie was to have little conversations with him in my head.  I chat to him all the time and don't think of him as dead, just not with me right now.  I can't touch him but he's still in my life.

[Jasmine]

Hi Claire,

I am ever so sorry to hear about your loss

I think it is perfectly natural for you to be feeling so upset still, I'm just sorry there is no magic wand to bring Casper back or make you feel better.
I wonder if you are finding it difficult to cope, if talking to a pet bereavement counsellor might be helpful?
I have found the following link for you:

http://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/site/AboutUs/PetBereavement/PBSSIntro.asp

I read somewhere, that grief stikes you in 'waves' of sudden pain, but with time these get less frequent and the severity eases.
We are all different, and sometimes this just takes longer for some than others.

Jasmine
X

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Hi Claire

I am so pleased we have this site where we can come to and give and get support at the time of need.

I am so sorry that you are having bad times after Casper has gone to the Bridge and I know it is so very hard. The pain never leaves completely but over the next year it will slowly fade, it just takes a very long time.

I am sure that here just like in CC everyone will give you support and try to help as best we can.

Just remember Casper is safe now and watching you and hoping that he will see you smile again soon.

[Claire M]

Sorry to keep going on about it,but I'm having real difficulty getting over losing Casper,for anyone that did'nt read my thread on CC about him,he was hit by a car and killed over 4 weeks ago,in our quiet cul-de-sac,right outside his home.I'm crying for the least little thing,anything that's slightly upsetting seems like a disaster,I crack up in the car,at work,at home,in the shower,I feel like I'm losing it.I do try and shake off this awful sad feeling,but it's so hard.Is this normal? I've never been this bad before,sorry for posting this pathetic thread,but all you catchatters were so supportive when I lost Casp.