Author Topic: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now  (Read 1160 times)

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #48 on: July 02, 2018, 15:46:19 PM »
Some people can be incredibly callous and insensitive. 

We have friends who lost a baby, and were casually told "there'll be more babies to come but not if you fret about the one you've lost."  :doh: :doh:

A well intentioned neighbour once told me, on learning about one of our cats having been killed on the road "Oh they're very silly, aren't they?"   :-: :-:

Glad you gave her a mouthful.    :hug: :hug: There are times in the past when I've been too embarrassed and polite to say what I've thought, but as I've got older, I find it can be a therapeutic to put someone in their place for rudeness, especially if they aren't used to you pushing back.

I find that most often, those who say loftily they "just tell it like it is" can seldom take it in return.

 :boxer:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #47 on: July 02, 2018, 13:54:17 PM »
Thank you very much Sue. It's 2.5 months since Ollie left. I have managed to persuade myself that because he has not been found dead, he is still alive although I have given up hope that we will see him again. Our vet told my friend whose own cat has also gone missing that one of his 'patients' recently returned home after being gone for 9 months - she just appeared at the door of her home one day. We have kept the posters up around the village and we still call for him every night from around the house. It's all we can do.  My only real hope is that Ollie will get himself home or, someone will take him to a vet and his chip will be scanned.  It feels awful that I have almost got used to him not being here - it feels so disloyal.

I really appreciate the support from you and others on the forum. Sometimes other people can be horrible- a few weeks ago, a woman who has a holiday home here  breezed into my home and said 'I'm really sorry to tell you but he won't be coming home again' . I felt like I'd been punched. I was furious with her and gave her a mouthfull. What makes people be so horrible.


Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #46 on: July 02, 2018, 10:45:38 AM »
Lesley, just wanted to say am thinking of you, and your current situation.  Topping up the positive thoughts  :hug: :hug: :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #45 on: June 02, 2018, 15:16:03 PM »
Thank you everyone. It is obviously going to be an emotional roller-coaster ride for me until I can come to terms with Ollie's disappearance.  However, I am cheered by your support and by the many lovely tales of cats returning home after many months.  In fact, my OH's family live in a very rural part of Ontario - they back onto a national park - it's really deep country. Years ago one of their cats would go away every year at the end of the winter and would return the day before the first storm of winter. Then another of their cats did the same thing as the first one. They would leave and return separately but always within a day of each other. My in-laws could even predict when they would return according to the weather forecast. This continued for years although one year, only one came home.  He may have been  elderly by this time as my in-laws cats tended to live well in to their 20s. I guess that some cats really do just make a decision to go on an adventure.

Offline Judecat (Paula)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #44 on: June 01, 2018, 18:20:34 PM »
I had my two identical boys, markings wise but one ginger and one tabby, Pixel disappeared when he was about 5, they were littermates and I know he would have come back to Trouble if he could. The Council didn't find him on the roads, the railway workers on the line opposite didn't find him either. All I had to comfort me was hoping that as a lovely affectionate cat who used to sit at the end of the drive to greet people, someone who would look after him well had stolen him. We live near a train station and people park all down the road and maybe they lived too far away for him to return to us.

Microchips were rolled out a couple of years later and I have had my cats chipped ever since.

I refused and still do to think of the alternative. His brother was PTS three Christmases ago at the age of 18 so I know I'll never see him again. :'(
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Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #43 on: June 01, 2018, 12:50:18 PM »
Thank you Sue, it is very generous of you to take so much time to write what is possibly a difficult response.  When my other cats died I cried every day ( not all day ) for 6 months and now , after nearly 11 years, I can think of them with a smile.

I have not abandoned hope that Ols will come home and I will always believe that he is alive and happy somewhere until I know for sure otherwise. He's a very competent and confident and strong-willed cat ( just try to stop him doing something he really wants to do!).  If anyone can survive he can.

Thank you to you Sue and to all the others who have been so supportive.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #42 on: June 01, 2018, 12:10:52 PM »
Oh Lesley.   :hug: :hug:

I'll be frank.

This has happened to us twice, and I can only describe it as being a living hell.  It's that combination of hope and false leads that create such an emotional rollercoaster.  I got so bad after losing our second one that my OH moved out of the bedroom we shared for over a month because he couldn't cope with me crying myself to sleep every night.

I understand why the not knowing is having such a dreadful effect, because your imagination will always try to fill in the blanks, which is far from helpful.

I didn't really cope well for a long time.  I think it was about 6 months after he disappeared that a sort of numb acceptance took over and I stopped looking.  We ended up on so many wild goose chases with well meaning people reporting sightings of cats which, when we eventually did get to see them, were nothing like the photo we'd posted of our missing boy.  I appreciated the fact people took time to get in touch, but each time it was a negative was soul destroying.

Over the years I managed to shut down the painful memories and to recall the best of the times I shared with our two missing babies. 

When I think of Suki now, it's as our sleek little black and white huntress - feisty and independent one minute, and snuggling up with my Mum, who she adored, the next. 

When I think of Flynn, all I see is his uniquely "smiley" little face beaming up at me - he used to love to spend time with me in the garden, and would come down the lane to meet me from the bus when I would come home from work.  He would pull the most astonishing faces, like the time I showed him a giant earwig and told him to be careful in case it ate him.   :evillaugh:

I know how very difficult it is, but I think each time your thoughts begin to wander into disastrous territory, you have to pull yourself up short, and replace the thought with one of a good memory of Ollie.  It won't make things any less painful for now, but it will help to deter you from destroying yourself with "what-ifs." 

I still hope that for you, Ollie will return home, but if it isn't to be, please know that there are many of us on Purrs who have stood where you are now, and who stand with you still, in  friendship and with understanding.    :grouphug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #41 on: June 01, 2018, 10:50:52 AM »
hi again, since posting earlier this morning we went out again to the area of the last potential sighting and spoke to a lovely man in one of the only wineries there. Would you believe he has 3 black and white cats one which wears a red collar.   So, it looks like that was a false lead although we always did think that it was way too far from home for it to be Ollie. However, now it had reignited my initial fear that he was trapped somewhere and after all this time he cannot have survived. I really don't believe that Ollie would have been chased away from his home and went so far as to be unable to find his way back. It is breaking my heart to think of him suffering alone like that but I need to face facts that he is gone.  If anyone has had to deal with the same thing how in the world did you cope emotionally?

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #40 on: June 01, 2018, 09:25:14 AM »
Thank you Sue.  We are still putting up posters - we don't know what else to do anymore.

Ironically, our good friends who have done such a lot to help us search for Ollie have lost their little cat Freddy. He has not been seen since Sunday. They live in another village and fortunately they have been able to mobilise a small army of locals to search for him. It's likely that he has been shut in somewhere and hopefully the weekend will see sheds and garages being opened. They were reluctant to tell me until yesterday as they did not want to upset me. Normally I am quite positive about other people's lost cats but I must admit though that it has brought it all back to me and now I am again fearing the worst about Ollie and I'm doubting that either of the 2 'sightings' really were him. I'm even feeling doubtful about Freddy.  Anyway, I really do appreciate the support from you and other forum members.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #39 on: June 01, 2018, 08:09:15 AM »
Lesley, just wanted to say am thinking of you and your little family, and topping up the vibes that Oliver will still make it home safe and sound.   :hug: :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #38 on: May 30, 2018, 06:51:22 AM »
I had thought about putting a litter box outside but Ollie is predominately outdoors so it may not have his own scent. However, it would still smell of at least one of our other 2 cats so he may still recognise it.  I just fear that he is now much too far away for it to reach him but it can't do any harm so I will give it a try.

Offline Judecat (Paula)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #37 on: May 30, 2018, 06:02:35 AM »
I don't know if he used a litter tray indoors as well, but if he did, try scattering some litter around. It's his smell and he will recognise it.

I didn't know that cats have Jacobson's organ as well. My snakes do, it's how they hunt, but cats too. It explains them flehmen.
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Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #36 on: May 29, 2018, 12:45:08 PM »
 :hug: :hug:  It's understandable all of the options you can think of will be going through your mind right now.

Cats' senses don't work in isolation, so I believe he would be using a number of them together - sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. 

Don't forget that a cat can smell things in far greater dilution than we can, as their sense of smell is highly developed.  They have a special organ called Jakobsen's organ located in their mouth which "amplifies" sensory stimulus linked to the "taste-smell" ability.


Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2018, 12:14:34 PM »
Hi again, no more news but I have been thinking about how lost cats find their way home. I know they are thought to use the earth's magnetic fields but they also follow scents. Specifically their own scent which is produced through their paws. However, since Ollie has been gone, the weather has been dreadful with lots of rain which presumably will wash away any scent he may be following? My husband wonders if he would follow the sound of the village church bell. This being France, it chimes at least hourly all day and into the night. That would at least bring him back into the village if he was lost out in the countryside. Would he be able to tell the difference between that and another village's bell?  What do you think?   I'm clutching at straws here.

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #34 on: May 28, 2018, 07:57:35 AM »
I went out early this morning and had a wander around nearer the village but the territory is so overgrown and wild in places that it would take Bear Grylls an the SAS to infiltrate. It is the most perfect conditions for any adventurous cat to hide in. The chances of me finding him are negligible so my only real hope is that Ollie will be able to get himself home. Meanwhile we will continue with the publicity and calling for him throughout the evening from around our home.  I am almost too scared to believe that he really is still alive but I pray that at least one of the sightings really was him.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #33 on: May 28, 2018, 06:30:15 AM »
 Lesley - he may be making his way homeward, having been further away  :hug: :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #32 on: May 27, 2018, 20:51:39 PM »
Sue, my concern is that if he really is in that area he is heading away from home. Anyway I am encouraged that he has been sighted - although unconfirmed.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #31 on: May 27, 2018, 20:12:51 PM »
 2 km from home isn't that far to be honest.  Some cats have been found many many miles from home especially when they've got into vans or vehicles by accident   :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #30 on: May 27, 2018, 15:13:21 PM »
Sootyca, our other all black cat Ben does have a very red tinge to his coat but Ollie is pure black with white patches. I can't discount that sighting although it is making life much harder for us to search for him. We are going to visit the wineries in the morning when they are open.

Offline Sootyca

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #29 on: May 27, 2018, 15:07:02 PM »
Some black cats do look like they have a red tinge to their fur so I wouldn't discount that one!  It's a pity there aren't repeated sightings - that way you may be able to borrow a trap and hope he can be caught.  If he does seem to be travelling towards the winery buildings (if they have them) could you call there?

May be worth leafletting the village again - or calling at the multi-cat household to see if he has been seen.

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #28 on: May 27, 2018, 14:57:00 PM »
From our home to the first village location is about 750m. From there it is a further 1km to the last potential sighting. If he came home from there it would be almost 2km. All distances are 'as the crow flies'.

I am just very concerned that he seems to be moving away from home. Of course, I really don't know if either sightings was Ollie but i am choosing to feel optimistic that he is still alive and isn't trapped.

At least it's summertime and he's a good hunter.

Offline jezebel

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #27 on: May 27, 2018, 14:05:54 PM »
Plenty of missing cats have turned up many miles from their homes, so this could be very positive.

Are the two locations where people think they saw him close to each other?

Don't give up hope.  :hug:
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Offline Judecat (Paula)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #26 on: May 27, 2018, 14:02:07 PM »
At least it sounds positive, as you say, not many people in rural France bother to collar their cats, everything crossed that you find him. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #25 on: May 27, 2018, 12:16:42 PM »
Hello, thank you for all of your messages of support. There has been a couple of developments this week which I would like your thoughts on. A man called on Tuesday to tell us that he thinks he may have seen Ollie 2-3 days earlier while out walking his dog, so that would have been last weekend.  However, when he took us to the area it far out of the village in an area of dense vegetation ( we are in very rural France) in completely the opposite direction from us. There are no homes but there are wineries here and there but still some way away. He was incredibly vague about what he had actually seen - thought that maybe the cat was not actually black but had some red in the fur. he thought it was female as it was small ( Ollie is quite chunky although he will have lost weight) and he did not notice any white patches / paws / whiskers. The only thing he was sure of was the red collar.  We spent time wandering about but needless to say it was futile. Frankly, by the time he had finished apologising for wasting our time I could have happily throttled him as he kept backtracking on what he saw. However, to see a cat wearing a collar in that area is odd given it must be a pet cat but there are no homes.  If I had seen such a cat i would probably be tempted to take it to a vet to be checked for a chip but that's just me. This man is a dog lover whose dog is very aggressive towards cats.We have just now come back from the area where I spent 2 hours wandering about with some smelly food. It would need a small army of people kitted out for some serious rambling to put a dent in searching the area it is so big. We will return tomorrow to speak to the people in the wineries.

Yesterday I got a call from a lady in the village who said she saw Ollie - 2 weeks ago!  She had only now seen a poster. I went down immediately and she showed me where she saw him - on a wall overlooking a garden of a home with multiple cats.  She has not seen him since. the reason he registered with her was - the red collar- because she said it is unusual to see a cat wearing a collar.  We went back into the village later in the evening but did not see Ollie.

I just don't know what to believe now. Assuming that at least one of the 2 sightings is him I would like to feel glad that he is alive and is not trapped  but the last sighting puts him miles away in an impossible location for us to track him down. And, he is going in completely the wrong direction.

I know that no-one can tell me what to think but , I needed to speak to people who can understand the situation.

Offline Judecat (Paula)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #24 on: May 24, 2018, 21:31:50 PM »
C'mon Ollie, get your fluffy bum home. We are all rooting for his safe return on here, and it does happen. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #23 on: May 24, 2018, 06:57:53 AM »
hello Sootyca, I'm sorry that you have not found Lily. I did contact a communicator who said Ollie is trapped which is freaking me out. However, she had asked for my address and frankly, the geographical information she gave me was easily available by looking at Google earth. She denied using it . However, like you, she was able to give some information which was very specific about our home although she did not state it was our home.It took me ages to realise what it was. She did not give me anything but vague details of where he is though and it is not enough to help find him. Obviously I would rather not have heard this as I am  still unable to find him and if he's trapped he can't still be alive. It's gut-wrenching.I regret having contacted her because it confirmed my greatest fear for Ollie which makes it hard for me to stay positive.  My friends are trying to tell me that it's unlikely that any garage or shed etc would have remained shut for so long given the good weather and I can see their point but, he may have been too scared to take the opportunity to escape.  Anyway, I will keep on hoping and searching. I have to be careful not to listen to any gloom-mongers which is why I posted here because I know how supportive everyone is, even if things look bleak. If he's is free to roam, even if lost, I have faith in his ability to hunt and that is what I must focus on.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #22 on: May 24, 2018, 06:51:08 AM »
Am adding my positive thoughts for Oliver too. 

Sootyca - perfectly summed up.   :hug: :hug:

Acceptance comes at some point, but it's not a comfortable process. 

Offline Sootyca

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #21 on: May 23, 2018, 21:50:13 PM »
I keep checking in and hoping he has come home.  It's awful not knowing.  When Lilly went missing several years ago I contacted an animal communicator - I'm still not sure about whether I believe it or not BUT she did say one thing that made me less sceptical. It was something that I would always say to Lilly, not a very common phrase, and something that she could not possibly have known. It was weird.

It was something I felt I had to do.  I didn't find Lilly from it and have not seen her since but I don't regret having a "communication".  It sort of made me feel like I had tried everything.

I know what you mean about having to give up the physical search - at some point you have to move past it.  Never giving up but continuing to live.

 :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 6 weeks
« Reply #20 on: May 23, 2018, 19:57:16 PM »
Hi Oliver is still missing. We have reissued updated flyers in all mail boxes in our area plus posters but there is no sign of him. We go outside every night after dark calling for him until bedtime.  It's still my fear that he is trapped somewhere but all our friends feel that after all this time and given the good weather, doors would have been opened. Anyway, I can't bear to think the worst so I am trying to be positive that he is maybe just a bit lost and will be home once he gets his bearings or, someone will take him to a vet and they will find his chip. It's so hard to keep going but I remember all the very uplifting stories of cats returning home after being missing for weeks/months/years. I will never give up on him but it's hard to keep up the physical search.  Anyway, please send Ollie your good vibes.

Offline Judecat (Paula)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #19 on: May 09, 2018, 19:34:24 PM »
Thinking of you, hoping that he comes back home and rubbishes your feelings. I was convinced that Trouble was dead on one of his jaunts as he had never been away for more than a couple of days but eventually he did come home, very thin, so had obviously been shut in despite all the flyers I had put through doors and put on lamp posts. Please don't give up hope. :care: :care: :care:
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Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #18 on: May 08, 2018, 11:59:09 AM »
That's what I was thinking.  I think it would make me feel worse, too, in your position.  It's very hard for you, because you're having to deal with this solo. 

I wish there was a band of Crazy Cat Ladies near you who could help you with an exhaustive search.  :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #17 on: May 08, 2018, 11:05:05 AM »
thanks again Sue, I have spoken to the few vets around and given them his poster to display.   You are right that whatever they told me may make things worse for me because if they said he's dead i would not accept it and if they said he's trapped, it would make me even more frantic than i am now. 

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #16 on: May 08, 2018, 10:55:30 AM »
I'm so sorry there's still no word.   It's a torment like no other. 

I wouldn't dismiss anything out of hand, but of course you need to be so very careful, as sometimes being told something (albeit in good faith) you can't actually verify can just make your sense of helplessness worse. 

Have you tried ringing round the local vets again, just in case anyone has handed him in?  Is there any sort of community network where you live, or a social media group who may be able to put the word out for you a little further afield?  I know part of the difficulty for you is being in a country where the view of animals isn't quite the same as you might wish for, and being isolated when what you really need is some immediate practical boots on the ground. 

I so wish there will be a positive outcome for you, I really do.   :hug:

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2018, 10:28:35 AM »
Oliver has now been missing for 3 weeks. I am going out of my mind with grief and worry about him.I have bomarded the area with fliers in mail boxes and have spoken to as many neighbours as possible.  i am even considering using an animal communicator but common sense tells me they can't possibly communicate with an animal however, I am ready to believe anything now. Please will someone talk sense into me - tell me that they are phoneys!

Offline heather sullivan

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2018, 21:15:29 PM »
Have you asked all neighbours to check sheds/garages/outbuildings while you wait or let you check them? sometimes if they are scared they may hide. If no sign ask them all to leave shed etc doors open for at least an hour so if he is hiding he can come out.  Does he use a litter tray? Put that outside and some of his bedding and some of your unwashed clothes, they can recognise their "own" scent from quite a distance. Don't give up yet x

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2018, 20:31:52 PM »
It's so hard to keep faith in times like these.  :hug:  But Ollie may still come home, please the Gods xx

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2018, 19:51:16 PM »
Thank you Dawn and Sue, I won't give up on Ollie. I always said that as long as I know for sure he's not dead he will be out there somewhere.  Isn't it awful what grief does to your mind?

Offline Dawn F

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2018, 19:28:00 PM »
Not crazy but don't  give up yet there are lots of continental holidays at the moment he could be shut some where x

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2018, 19:05:45 PM »
You're  not crazy.   :hug:  You're grieving the loss of a much loved companion.  Part of the agony of a missing cat is the not knowing and being torn over what to do.  It's very hard not to lose hope, but I wouldn't yet.  I'd still keep looking for a little while yet.  Am topping up the vibes and sending my thoughts to you xx
« Last Edit: April 29, 2018, 20:30:43 PM by Sue P (Paddysmum) »

Offline Lesley Frankie

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Re: Oliver missing - nearly 2 weeks now
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2018, 18:38:46 PM »
Hello again, I know you will all think I am mad but suddenly I have the strongest gut feeling that Ollie is dead. When Basil went missing I always had the strongest feeling that he was alive - I would have felt it if he were dead. I  never lost that certainty even when I admitted to myself I may never see him again and I was right - he came back.  However to be honest, since Ollie left I have not had any sense that he was alive I just felt the need to search for him.  Also our other cat Ben adores Ollie he used to follow him everywhere and I expected him to show signs of missing him but he has just carried on - as if he knows he's not coming home. Ben has been staying away all night not coming back at all until dawn ( I can tell by the motion camera). That is what Ollie used to do although Ben would usually be back earlier.  What on earth am I to make of this? If I believe my gut and stop looking I will feel very guilty in case I'm mad and Ols is still out there.  tell me I'm crazy please!

 


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