Author Topic: How do i cope with my grief?  (Read 9179 times)

Offline Judecat (Paula)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #15 on: October 26, 2016, 02:04:19 AM »
HI Fiona,

I have lost more cats over my 40 odd years of being owned by them than I want to remember, mostly due to my habit, until recently, of rehoming oldies that were unhomeable due to their age, even those I only had for a few months were loved and loving and totally irreplaceable.

Three days before Christmas last year I had my beloved Trouble PTS due to kidney failure, His Mum was the only cat I have ever owned that sneaked a pregnancy by me, he was born on 03/03/1997, I am dreading this Christmas, he has the most beautiful wild rose on his grave, I cried when it blossomed, he was with me for almost 18 wonderful years, he was the naughtiest kitten of the litter, he got his name from "Get out of here/off that etc. Trouble." and it stuck. He mellowed into the most laidback, misnamed cat ever. I still feel him sometimes and turn round and he isn't there. I cry over him now and I suspect I will still cry over him every time his rose blooms until they cart me away to a retirement home. And Christmas and his Birthday, before he passed I had Emo, my Daughter's cat and Bob, a little girl kitten cat that needed an emergency home due to a severe allergy, they helped a lot, but nothing alleviates the pain except time, sometimes things will catch you and you will cry. It is natural and nobody on here will think any differently. I am not as eloquent as Sue or Gill, but I have shared too just to let you know we don't pay lip service, we do genuinely understand.

Only you will know when you are ready to let another furball into your life.

If you need us, we are here.

Paula xxx
« Last Edit: October 26, 2016, 02:05:46 AM by Judecat (Paula), Reason: Punctuation »
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Offline Greenlaner

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2016, 17:05:49 PM »
Hi there,

It's very difficult when this happens.   :hug:  it has happened a few times over the years here.  Best to have plenty crying sessions and if possible in near future get yourself another pussy.  It won't replace the last cat. They have their own characters and ways but it should ease matters in time. My last one was 18 . Had a good long happy life. She had no complaints. Well looked after. Three weeks later, I got my kitten. He is still here over ten years on and seems totally happy.  :hug:     All the best  :hug:  This site is great for any topics about cats. They even have their own chat pages .

Offline Lyn (Slugsta)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2016, 16:50:17 PM »
Hi and  :welcome: to Purrs, although I am sorry you have found us in such sad circumstances  :hug:

No-one here will tell you to 'cheer up', that 'it's only a cat' or that 'worse things happen'. We all know the tearing grief that comes with losing an adored companion. Whether you want to pop in now and then, just read or become a regular poster, you are welcome.

Offline Sootyca

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2016, 20:23:48 PM »
Hi everyone

I'm a complete newbie to this forum.  Today I lost my beautiful furry companion of 14 years and I am overcome with grief.  I don't know what to do to feel better and I can't stop crying.  I haven't got anyone to talk to who will understand how I'm feeling. I'd like to hear from fellow cat lovers who are going through the same thing or have been through it.

Thank you so much xxx

You are in the right place.  Grief for our loved ones, furry or human, can be all encompassing and i think we have all gone through it. It doesn't get easier no matter how many times you go through it.  You can't rush the process, you just have to live through it and come out the other end - at some point things will turn and you will remember the good times without the tears.

Post here if you want to talk to people who understand. Bluecross also have a pet bereavement line if you would rather talk to someone over the phone - 0800 096 6606.

For me, the quickest way to move through my grief was to adopt another cat.  This was never a replacement for the one passed away but I recognised that, for me, having a new life who was dependent on me kept me going. My house was just too empty without a cat around.

hope you are okay,

Karen


Offline Gill (sneakiefeline)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2016, 15:23:30 PM »
OH SUE THAT BROUGHT BACK ALL THOSE TRAGIC TIMES AND REMEMBER HOW DEVASTED YOU WERE  :hug: :hug:

FIONA HERE IS THE LINK TO WHAT I CALLED THE LITTLE ORANGE BOY.............ITS CALLED, YOU HAVE CHOSEN TEARS............... MAYBE MUCH TOO PAINFUL FOR YOU RIGHT NOW AND ITS NEEDS A BOX OF TISSUES AT ANY TIME BUT GIVES AN INSIGHT TO WHY WE SUFFER SO MUCH WHEN ONE OF OURS GOES TO THE BRIDGE

http://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php/topic,45814.0.html

IF YOU WONDER WHY I AM TYPING IN CAPS ITS COS HAVE PROBS WITH EYES!

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2016, 15:08:21 PM »
Very much understand, Fiona.

If it will help, I'll share some of my experiences.

We had Paddy (Padmeister Extraordinaire\0 who we'd had from a kitten until he was 21 (anna bit).  He had to be euthanised due to chronic kidney disease and Hyper-T.  When we lost him, even though it was a body blow, it seemed in some way easier to bear, because he;d had a long and happy life with us.  We adored him, and have so many memories to draw upon of the times we shared, and there was so much laughter and love that it was easier to look back and smile, even though we ached to have lost him.

We then adopted MacBeenz MacSquee, another ginger striped tiger.  He was the most adorable boy - daring, intrepid and engaging - a beautiful cat.  We lost him, a day before his first birthday, when the roads claimed him.  Our hearts were broken.  He'd grown into our lives in such a short space of time.  When he was a kitten, he would sleep with his paws tangled in my hair - so's I wudden sneek off wivowt him knowin.  ;)  He went out one beautiful spring day, when the sun was slanting through the mist.  He never came home again, and instead we only recovered his body through the kindness of a stranger.

Then, we were fortunate enough to adopt Ross, who was a gorgeous marmalade bruiser, ebullient and generous spirited, and who loved his Mam and Dad.  He would suckle on my right ear from the first week when we brought him home, and he grew to be a most splendid specimen of feline handsomeness.   :Luv2:   Again, he grew into our hearts in a very short space of time, but  - again - we lost him to the roads at 18 months.  He went out one beautiful autumn evening, and he never came home again.  Once more, we recovered his body through the kindness of a stranger.

Then we adopted Tinks, Ross's bestest friend in all the world.  A beautiful tabby and white boy.  Shy and complicated.  He was a thinker.  Wary and determined.  He belonged to someone else at the time, but became such good friends with Ross that he decided he wanted to live with us, and so he came into our lives, and in doing so, enriched them a hundredfold.   We took such pleasure in our Tinks, and he taught us much about loving and living.  Sadly (you know what's coming) we lost Tinks to the roads in October last year.  Another beautiful Autumn day.  Another stranger with a kind heart.  Another deep scar for us to bear.

I tell you this not to make you feel worse, or to emphasise the sense of loss, but because each and every one of those lives was precious to us, in the way your beautiful baby was precious to you. 

Each of the wonderful cats we share our lives with leaves us with a legacy of love that gives us something special to build on, and remarkable to look back on.  It is painful to do so at first, but in time, we learn to smile again at the things shared that can never be lost, unless we choose to let them go.

We celebrate the gift of sharing something special, for however long we have it, and it teaches us to be thankful for a love that some people never know, and never experience.  It touches our hearts, which means we have a price to pay, but that price is worth every penny.   

We're all thinking of you Fiona, and of your beautiful baby.   :hug: :hug: :hug:   When you feel ready, we'll listen.


Offline jezebel

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2016, 14:43:40 PM »
Hi Fiona, welcome to Purrs - I wish it were under happier circumstances.   :hug:

As others have said, most of us on here have been through what you're going through now, so you must feel free to post on here as much as you want/need. Rest assured, we'll understand.

Also, the Blue Cross has pet bereavement counselling - I've never used it but it might be worth considering:

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support
You can't change the world by rescuing one cat, but for that one cat you are changing its world.

Offline Gill (sneakiefeline)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2016, 01:55:32 AM »
SO AGREE WITH DAVE, I ALSO KEPT TOYS AND STUFF

Offline DaveD

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2016, 23:41:49 PM »
On the subject of photos, if you have any, you probably won't want to share them just yet, or perhaps even look at them, but one day you will. so make sure they're safe.

Offline Gill (sneakiefeline)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2016, 22:58:40 PM »
I THINK ALL OF US HERE UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE FEELING AND WE ALL KNOW THAT ONLY TIME HELPS.

GRIEF GOEES THROUGH STAGES AND UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH EACH ONE THINGS DO NOT BECOME AN IMPROVEMENT.

TT TAKES EACH OF US A DIFFERENT TIME TO GO THROUGH THE GRIEF PROCESS BUT ONLY THOSE WITH CATS AND OTHER ANIMALS CAN UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS...........TO HELL WITH THE ITS ONLY A CAT BRIGADE!

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF YOUR LOVED COMPANION...THATS A START............AND THEN WHEN YOU ARE READY YOU CAN DO A TRIBUTE ON THIS THREAD AND POST A PICTURE.

IF TOU LOOK AT THIS THREAD  IT IS PAINFUL TO READ AND SO MUCH LOVE AND DEVOTION TO OUR BEST FRIENDS, THEY GAVE US SO MUCH.

AT THE TOP THERE ARE STICKY THREADS WHERE YOU CAN READ AND CRY AND EVEN SMILE A BIT, RAINBOW bRIDGE IS ONE AND THE LITTLE ORANGE CAT IS ANOTHER WHICH I POSTED AFTER IT WAS SENT TO ME FROM SOMEONE ON ANOTHER FORUM.

WE HAVE A RAINBOW BRIDGE ROLL OF HONOUR EVERY PURRS BIRTHDAY AND I WOULD LOVE TO PUT YOUR BEST FRIEND ON IT..ITS POSTED UP ON 15 nOVEMEBER.

FROM THE THREADS IN THIS SECTION YOU WILL SEE HOW MUCH WE REMEMBER AND FOR HOW LONG, THEY WILL ALWAYS BE UP ON THE BRIDGE WAITING FOR US.

ANOTHER THREAD WHICH IS POSTED UP JUST BEFORE CHRISMAS SINCE PURRS STARTED ...... THE DAY BEFORE cHRISTMAS.

i FOUND pURRS SISTER SITE CAT CHAT ABOUT 5 MONTHS AFTER LOSING MY BEAUTIFUL GREY KOCKA AND WAS STILL GRIEVING.

I ALSO USED THE BLUE CROSS BEREAVMENT SERVICE AS SOME OTHERS HAVE. I COULDNT TALK TO THEM SO EMAILED..........THEY ARE VERY GOOD AND TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

ONE OTHER THING I JUST MENTION IS THAT ONE DAY YOU MAY BE READY TO TAKE ON A NEW CAT AND THAT DAY IS DIFFERENT FOR ALL OF US.  I HAD TWO NEW CATS IN A WEEK, SADLY ONE OF THEM IS NOW VERY ILL, BUT FOR OTHERS IT CAN TAKE MONTHS OR YEARS BUT YOU NEVER REPLACE A CAT, YOU JUST GET A NEW FRIEND COS YOUR OLD FRIEND IS WAITING ON THE BRIDGE AND IF SHE LEARNS SHE WILL SEND YOU A RAINBOW. SOME TAKE A LONG TIME TO LEARN BUT THEY GET THERE IN THE END .

SHARING WILL HELP YOU AND WE ALL WILL LISTEN  :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Offline Tigerlily (Allison)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2016, 21:58:32 PM »
Hi Fiona,

Many of us here on this forum will know how you are feeling. We can't ease your pain but we can 'listen' to you. I myself found this forum because after a year of grieving for my gorgeous Lily I was still needing to talk to people who understood why I was still grieving for her after all that time.

I know you won't believe me right now but it does get easier with time.  :hug: :hug: :hug:
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RIP Tiger ~ 25/08/02
RIP Lily ~ 03/04/10
RIP Molly ~ 04/11/16
Always in my thoughts, forever in my heart

If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I would walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Offline fionaw

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2016, 21:38:32 PM »
i don't know how to reply separately to your posts, so thank you so much to DaveD and Sue P for your quick replies. it's very comforting to know there are people out there who understand.

Sue it's too painful and as you said, raw at the moment to tell you about my little man, but I'm hoping as the days go by i will be able to tell you about him.

thank you

HI FIONA TO REPLY SEPERATELY TO A POST PRESS QUOTE AND THEN WRITE UNDERNEATH BUT JUST POSTING A NEW POST IN THE THREAD WORKS JUST AS WELL  :hug: :hug:

GILL (MODERATOR)
« Last Edit: October 22, 2016, 15:12:51 PM by Gill (sneakiefeline) »

Offline DaveD

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2016, 21:18:43 PM »
I would just focus on the fact that your cat had a safe home for 14 years, and was loved. That won't take away the pain right away, nor will it take it away completely, but it will make it easier to bear in time.
Only people who don't care won't feel loss.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Re: How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2016, 21:17:17 PM »
Fiona, am so very sorry for your loss.  And that isn't a trite remark - so many of us here have stood in your shoes and know how devastated you're feeling right now.  It's like the loss of an organ.  Part of yourself - who you are - has been ripped away. It's raw and bloody and painful beyond belief.  Little we can say will ease that pain right now, but please know we're here for you.   :hug:

Please tell us about your precious companion.  Sharing is hard, but it will help us to know the wonderful friend you've lost today.   :hug:

Offline fionaw

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How do i cope with my grief?
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2016, 20:59:50 PM »
Hi everyone

I'm a complete newbie to this forum.  Today I lost my beautiful furry companion of 14 years and I am overcome with grief.  I don't know what to do to feel better and I can't stop crying.  I haven't got anyone to talk to who will understand how I'm feeling. I'd like to hear from fellow cat lovers who are going through the same thing or have been through it.

Thank you so much xxx

 


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