My boy Sam was troubled and overgroomed, and was rehomed to me as a result. There were two main causes (believe me I have researched this very thoroughly).
The first cause was the abuse he was suffering at home, the parents had a new baby who had started walking and was "allowed to play" with Sammy (which I assume means being pulled around by his tail).
Poor guy was terrified and lived in their cellar (which stunk of pee so he'd been marking down there aswell), too frightened to come out in case he was leapt upon by the child and/or Dad who MAY have raised a hand to him (Sam's scared of raised/open hands and cringes when you reach for your tea - poor boy). He was re-homed with the mantra "he scratched the baby" - yeah well if someone was pulling me around by my tail...
I don't imagine for one minute this has been allowed to happen in your household, but the stress it cause created the lick - lick cycle, so I thought it worth a mention as this is an extreme example of what stress can cause.
His symptoms were exacerbated by his intolerence for grain. He had been on (Old) Iams dry food at his previous home which was back then laced with grains. I put him on grain reduced food (Applaws dry chicken) following internet research for his balding symptoms and this has calmed his defensiveness down by (I estimate) around 90%. He's now a fully furred, snuggly friendly pet with only a hint of swipey from time to time - and even this is without claws, so no problem. As he's older now (14 years) I've changed him to James Wellbeloved senior dry (turkey) and he loves it - and the behavioural problems have not returned.
Sam does not respond to Feliway, nor is he sensitive to catnip, but he does respond very well to vitacat treats (from aldi) for which he will do anything. Using these (sparingly) I've managed to train him to enjoy our child-free life with other cats and his life has turned around. Now at 14 years old, his happy future is assured and I'm so pleased we put in the research.
Funnily enough, though, he still adores children and will actively seek them out when they are in the area of the house, especially noisy little girls. He must have something in his past that he remembers fondly as none of my other cats do this. Brave little guy.
I hope this has been some help/comfort to you, and that you find a solution to your current problem.