Hello from another broken hearted catchatter

[Pusy Galore (Kate)]

Hello Angela

Sorry for your loss but glad to hear you are starting to cope and think about another little addition to the family

From my experience, I think you would probably be best with either a young male or female (about a year old).  I have found quite recently that bringing a kitten into a house where there are fully grown cats can prove a touch stressful to the older ones, given that a kitten doesn't know that a paw at the side of the head is a warning to stop aggravating them as opposed to playing games!

Given that Charlie is trying to overcome his grief, a kitten may prove too stressful, although the flip side of that could be that it will take his mind off his grief!  There really is no right or wrong answer!  You have to make a decision based on what you think - you know Charlie best!  Sure Charlie will make his position clear when the new addition arrives - the bonding can take some time but if you give lots of love and cuddles to both, I'm sure there will be no bad feeling between them.

I wish you lots of luck and happy times in the future with your babes!

[Desley (booktigger)]

Well, we can't always tell when they are ready for a new friend, but I think it is important that people dont get one if they aren't ready themselves, as it can be hard to accept a cat that you aren't quite ready for. Good luck in finding a cat, and as Sam says, there is no right answer to the male/female situation - I have a male foster who is more laid back than any of the three females!!

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

Angela is really difficult to say whether a male or female would be best cats as you know can be very contrary! LOL.  Some Male cats are very laid but and non-dominant and therefore don't mind having other males around likewise some females are very dominant and stroppy so of course each case has to be taken on it's own merits.  As you know your cats the best only you can really decide the best way to go and what sort of cat / kitten would fit in the best with your family.  By the sounds of it you love your furries and have their best interests at heart so I'm sure you will make the right choice.

Good luck and look forward to seeing the pics of your current family and the new addition(s)

[AngelaH]

Expected people to suggest I make sure Charlie is ready and that I'm getting another for him, not myself, rather than the other way around Desley!!! I'm more concerned about Charlie than myself tbh. But as I really want another Wegie I know it's going to take a while to find one. That said I have found an 18month old boy to rehome, but problem is he is way up north and we're in Kent, so don't think that'll work out unfortunately. If I didn't have the children I'd drive up there - but 2 under 4 makes that difficult.

I must admit I have been looking at kittens too - but again there're none local, so we'll be driving some distance anyway I suppose.

Does the female kitten with older male thing really make a difference? I have been looking at other males - mainly cos we've only ever had male cats! But would I be better off looking at females?

All comments greatly appreciated.

Angela

[Desley (booktigger)]

Cant give you much advice as to when to try a new cat Angela - but do make sure you are ready too, and are not just doing it for Charlie. I think Sam's idea of a young female is a good one, but I dont know whether you would be best getting an already neutered female.

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

Hi Angela,

Glad to hear things are slowly getting better.  My only advice regarding getting a companion it might be an idea to get a young (5 or 6 month old) female.  This way there will no dominance issues and your boys won't be threatened by another lad in the house. 

I am sort of speaking from experience although our circumstances are slightly different.  I have two Abysinnians (5 years old) brother and sister ... who are not particularly close!  Anyway about 2½ months ago we had a 5 month old female torie girl join our family and much to my surprise Zephyr (my little boy) not only completely accepted her with no problem at all  but has taken her under his wing and spends hours playing chase with her and she loves her new big brother who she follows round the house learning all his bad habits! LOL

[AngelaH]

We're slowly getting better - thanks for asking Desley. Charlie is still not himself, but seems to be settling a bit. He's still very clingy - not going out much, but then again the weathers been so awful!!

I must admit I am seriously considering getting another wegie as company for him, but am not sure whether to try an adult or kitten. And I'm not sure when would be best - I am convinced he is missing the feline company and play - I'm trying to compensate, but it's not quite the same.

Well happy new year to you all.

[Desley (booktigger)]

i do hope things are getting better.

[AngelaH]

Many thanks for your replies. A week has now passed and Charlie is still looking for Whisper. He's also following me everywhere - it was Whisper who always used to do that! More chatty too. But not going out so much, wanting to play loads and being an absolute nightmare with the christmas tree which until now he's always ignored. He always was the lapcat of the two - Whisper preferring to curl up next to me. My little boy can't understand why Whisper isn't back now, how can you explain it to a 4 year old? Thankfully, the two year old is blissfully ignorant, as far as I know - he and Whisper were great friends.

This year I'm sorting the garden out - its been delayed for a number of reasons, so I'm getting a tree as a memorial to Whisper - an acer in a large pot, so if we move it can come with us.

[tammy]

Desley you are so right. Angela, be towards your cat however you feel she needs you to be. When my cat died due to RTA my other cat who didnt care much for her at the best of times, kept on following me everywhere crying..took me ages to figure out that she couldnt bare being alone and was actually a lap cat for a couple of weeks..she needed loads of TLC, now I dont shut any door so she can come and go. (b4 she used to open them herself). But I am a firm believer in that she felt my pain and knew that thats what I need from her at the time....

Best of Luck and Keep in Touch (it really helps) 
  

[Tan]

Hiya Angela

So sorry for your little one. What is his name? It's such a shock when they are taken from us so suddenly. So much pain. Most of us know how painful it is and will be here for you. It may not seem like it now but it does get easier in time and  you do start to remember the good things and not just the heartache. He will always be with you in your heart and right now playing and having fun on Rainbow Bridge with all our babes.

What made it worse for me was my the brother of my Ochi who was killed in an rta was soo depressed without Ochi around. We gave him lots of love and in time as he was only 14 months old we had a little play mate for him by adopting Gizmo. It was ruff at 1st but now they get on sooo well and Rio is back to his normal joyful self.

sending lots of hugs  to you and Charlie.

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

  to Purrs and so sorry to hear about your cat, what was his name?

Charlie will need loads of cuddles and love and some time to get over his friend. He needs to know its not his fault. As Desley says sadly so many of us have lost our best friends and we all understand how you and Charlie feel and are here for you.

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

Hello Angela and  to Purrs.

So sorry you found us at this terrible time.  With regard to helping Charlie cope with his grief maybe the following link may help: http://www.fabcats.org/behaviour_felinebereavement.html

We are all here for you tooffer support and sympathy.

Take care 

Sam

[Desley (booktigger)]

i am so very sorry to hear this, I think the best thing is to give Charlie lots of love and attention, and this will help you as well as him. Do make sure he eats something everyday, and maybe in time, you will both be ready for a new friend. We are all here for you, sadly the majority of us know how you are feeling. RIP little one.

[AngelaH]

Found you all at last.

Not feeling very festive atm as one of my gorgeous cats died this evening as a result of car accident. Thought I was going in to collect him, as he'd been at the vets overnight and they rang this morning, quite optimistic. Was just getting ready to pick him up when they rang to say he'd taken a turn for the worse. At least I was able to be there with him. But atm neither me nor our other cat know what to do with ourselves. Any tips for helping Charlie get over it would be helpful.

Angela