Purrs In Our Hearts - Cat Forum UK
In Loving Memory Cats => Rainbow Bridge - In Loving Memory => Topic started by: snarf on February 15, 2016, 21:25:23 PM
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im sorry i havent posted here in a long time...some of you might remember me or Neko?
Hes had an eventful year, he was diagnosed with inflamatory kidney disease a few years ago - hes only 6 now- and had a nasty TTF infestation when he arrived as a stray and has luxating patella. In october last year he began to have seizures and spent 11 days in a specialist vets being stabilised- MRI scan showed no abnormalities so hes on epilepsy meds. While seizing, he broke his jaw and tore out 4 claws. his jaw was wired and that was taken off in dec. in jan we noticed one claw wasnt growing back properly. after an abcess and unsuccessful antibiotics he had that part of the toe amputated. At the end of Jan i noticed him eating litter, the vet found a full colon so he was admittted for a week of drips and micro enemas, he stopped eating so he was sent home. we have continued the micro enemas at home and got him eating but not as much as he used to. hes now abit flat. not his usual characterful self. today the vet reran his bloods ( last done 2 weeks ago before drip and a week ago after drip) and told us that there has been a marked deterioration and that hes in renal failure. if we want we can admit him onto a drip again but in the vets opinion at best it will delay the inevitable, at worst he will spend his last days in a strange place.
Any advice please? anyone thats been through this and can tell me what to expect? I dont want him to suffer and i dont want him frightened or unhappy for his last few days. the vet thinks he isnt in pain, but probably feels abit crap. How do i know when its time?
symptoms are
bad breath- ketones
weight loss (5.3kg- 4.6kg in a few weeks, he was 6 before the seizures, 5kg after)
wobbly and unstable on back legs
sleeping lots
drinking lots
not eating much
constipation
broken whiskers
dry pads
hes asleep on my lap now, after purring and paddling for about half an hour :Luv: my heart is breaking :'( :'(
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Snarf, I'm so sorry to hear the latest news on Neko, and know how heartbreaking this is for you, especially in such a young cat.
Taking account of all that you've told us, and remembering my own experiences with Paddy (who was a 20 year old cat) my instinct in your shoes would be to fix a date with your vet, fully immerse yourself in squeezing the best out of every minute in between, and then let Neko go, with love, respect and kindness.
My thoughts are with you. :hug: :hug:
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Make the most of your time with him :) Renal failure is horrible to watch a cat go through and he could deteriorate quickly. I think you will know when it's time. :hug: :hug:
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Oh Snarf, I’m so sad for you :hug:
Like others have said, I think it may be best to not do further treatment with Neko.
Renal failure is so horrible, I went through it with Jake and he did well until his kidneys crashed very suddenly. We got him on a drip at the vets for 2 days but he was so miserable. It broke my heart leaving him there knowing he was frightened and confused.
He got a bit better when he came home and we had a couple of OK days with him afterwards, but a week later I had to let him go. I knew it was time and you will too.
If I had to do it again, I don’t think I would put him, or me, through that.
I’m so sorry :hug:
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I am sorry to hear that Neko is so poorly. He has really been through a lot for such a young cat, so unfair :'( I think you are right to let him go gently rather than him suffering more. From my experience, he will tell you when it is time. Sending lots of love to you both :hug:
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I am so sorry to hear about Neko and know your heart must be breaking :hug: :hug:
I have been thro this with 3 cats and Napoleon was at vets because he got blocked up and couldnt use the tray, he had only one working kidney. It was discovered that crystals that had formed round his pea size dead kidney had broken up and got into his bladder.
They operated to remove them and my one mistake was I think that I didnt bring him home when t he vet offered cos only a day after the op, I ws terrified he may break the stitches holding his bladder together.
He also had been having seizures for 2 years or so before but he was not eplieptic.
At the vets he also would not eat and when I brought him home he would not either.
They should have told me he wasnt eating and I would have brought him home earlier because this caused renal failure and sadly I lost him in 2011.
So I agree witth your vet and that Neko is best at home and also with the others that you will know when its time.
Enjoy those special days you have left with him because it happens very quickly as it did with Ducha , Napoleons brother. On his 19th birthday he had a dish of chicken but 2 days later he had stopped eating and I had to let him travel to the Bridge. He told me he wanted to join his brother and in 24hrs the little weight he had just dropped off.
Neko has had such a hard short life but your love and care have allowed him to be a happy and adored boy and he shows you his love with every paddle.
He will always have a place in yout heart :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Thank you guys, :hug: We talked to the vet last night and agreed that as he is relatively comfortable at the vets ( he's in so often everyone knows him and he gets lots of fuss) we would try the drip to ensure we have done everything possible but most importantly to make him more comfortable for his last few days- he's severlly dehydrated which they think is the current source of discomfort. They will blood test tomorrow am and if no change in his levels (expected to be no change) then he will come home. I've agreed with my work to work from home for the rest of the week and we have talked to the vet about pts on Friday. We would rather he go slightly too early than suffer. If the only thing we can do for him is spare himnpain then that is what we will do.
Frustratingly we moved house 1st feb to somewhere we could catproof the garden for the kitties. We will spend the next few days cuddling him and taking him into our new garden to enjoy the sun.
Does that sound sane? We have been to visit him tonight and he does seem quicker to purr and was very affectionate although he didn't want to be picked up. He's licking the newspaper they are using for litter :(
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Just wanted to send hugs as I went through the same thing with my lovely Eddie last month and I know its so hard.x
Your plan sounds very sensible to me.Especially lots of cuddles. :hug:
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I agree with Cathy. That sounds like a good plan. :hug:
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I worry that I'm giving up on him. He's fought through so much :'( it doesn't seem like enough time. But I always promised him I keep him from suffering :'(
I'm so sorry that so many of you have been through this
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I think that's something we all understand, but with kidney problems, it's never going to end well. My biggest regret with Paddy was not recognizing earlier that it was time to let him go. He was extremely stoic about things, and battled on, but when it came to letting him go, I inadvertently made his passing so much more difficult.
I don't want to go into specifics, but it became very difficult for our vet to euthanize him due to severe dehydration, and ultimately, the injection had to be administered direct to the heart. It's difficult for me to think about even now, as I wished to Gods I'd known how quickly things had deteriorated since the previous vet visit, but I would hope that by sharing this experience, you could avoid anything so distressing. :hug: :hug:
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Thank you sue, our vet had said that as he's had so much recently, his veins are so scared he's been very hard to cannulise. They want to try to keep it in for the few days at home to try to avoid the heart injection scenario.
One minute I think I'm prolonging his suffering, the next I think its too soon and then other tines I hear something that makes me think its right. we've had the last 2 weeks off work moving house. I wish I'd known sooner and I would have used that time differently
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This, on top of moving home, will be a very stressful time for you. :hug: :hug: I suspect we always feel it's "too soon" - Paddy was an elderly cat, who'd lived a full life, yet I still felt like that. It's the hardest decision to make. No-one can make it for you, and whatever you decide, you know we'll be here for you. :hug: :hug:
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I agree that sounds like a good plan, I’m so sorry you’re going through this horrible illness with your boy :hug:
Like Sue says, I think it always feels too soon and it’s the hardest decision to ever make. In the end, all we can do is spare them as much pain as possible. I yo-yoed back and forth constantly when Jake got ill at the end.
When I picked him up from the vets after him being on a drip, I asked my vet if I was doing the right thing or if I should be letting him go. His answer was that we were on a path that only went in one direction, but that there was a chance he could get a bit longer feeling normal. Unfortunately we only got a few days.
I so hope you get longer with your boy :hug:
One thing to bear in mind is that it’s apparently quite common for them to seem much better all of a sudden close to the end. It’s almost like their body puts up one last battle. I hope you don’t mind me sharing that but I wasn’t prepared for it and wish I had been because it made it so much harder
The night before Jake died, he suddenly became really lively, played with his laser pen, ate a whole bowl of prawns and curled up beside me for belly rubs. I’ll never forget texting my OH to tell him that Jake was like his old self and we’d turned a corner. But he deteriorated rapidly overnight that night and I just knew it was time.
You’ll know too when his time comes, because you love him so much. And we’ll all be here for you :hug: :hug:
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I've been reading Tanya's CKD site and I read about the last minute improvement. Something else I've read though has me in a panic. Neko has been obsessively eating litter and licking concrete at every opportunity which is a clear indicator of anaemia as far as I can see. His bloods say he isn't anaemic but Tanya's site says they will be high if he's dehydrated, which he is,severely. The anemia has been dismissed weeks ago but if it is anemia he could bounce back, for a while. His kidneys will have had alot if work making blood cells after the toe amputation and maybe they couldn't keep up? I don't know whether I'm grasping at straws or letting him down not looking into this. I'll ask the vet in any case but I think I would have to push to get them to look into it. They have repeatedly said eating litter isn't a usual symptom of renal failure.
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On the other hand his kidneys might be too far gone irregardlesd of the anemia. And if not we might be back here in a fee months. The litter eating bothers me as it doesn't add up
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Unfortunately I've heard of cats with kidney problems eating litter, especially if it's clay based.
It's natural that you'll want to try and second guess his chances, because Neko's such a young cat.
As Nic has pointed out, it's not uncommon for cats in end stage kidney failure to pick up and have one "last hurrah."
All we can ever do is follow our gut instinct and hope it's the right one. Talk to your vet, and express your worries in either direction. Ask them to be honest with you about Neko's prospects and take it from there :hug: :hug:
Sending a gentle head rub for Neko.
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I must say that our bluto who did die of kidney cancer was eating odd things near his end :hug:
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Sorry guys, desperation talking I think. The vet has said his kidney levels have worsened, even though he's been on the drip. His phosphate is high and even if anemia was the problem, his kidneys are too far gone. She has also said its more likely he's anaemic because his kidneys are failing. I'm glad I asked though and thank you for all sharing your experiences, it helps with the doubt. I'm picking him up soon to cuddle him for every second I can
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Bless you treasure. :hug: :hug: We all know only too well how much of an emotional see-saw this sort of thing is. I'm glad your vet was able to be frank about the current situation, as it really does help when reaching a decision. Make the most of every minute you have left together.
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Oh what a shame. Sending lots and lots of these :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Oh Snarf :hug: my heart is breaking for you :'( I'm so sorry that you re going through this with such a young cat. It's (slightly) easier with an old cat who can be said to have reached his 'threescore and ten'.
When we had to let Chivvy go, I was tormented by the thought that it might have been too early.Then I heard the phrase 'better a week too early than a day too late' - which can be used with various time intervals - and I realised this was the truth. It was my job to let him go and ease the passing as much as I could. It's not as if there was ever going to be any other outcome :(
Please know that our thoughts will be with you over the next few days.
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Imnkicking myself for putting him into the vets on a drip.he's gone downhill and we've missed so many hours with him. The hope was that giving him some fluids would flush the toxins and help him feel better which it might have, but he has still deteriorated.
He's home, purring, interested in windows and very happy for a quick jaunt in the garden even in the drizzle. He's refused to sleep until just now, picked up at 1.he's drinking lots and using his litter tray normally which he hasn't for weeks unaided. We were given some fluids to give via his catheter but told not to if there's resistance- which there is. I think he's had enough though- Of being interfered with. I think its best to keep up his seizure meds for now? Sorry to ramble, I miss him so much already and then as soon as he bumps his head against mine I'm OK. How will I be OK after :'(
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I don't have anything to add as I've not been through this with any of my cats but I just wanted to send you a few of these :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Just sending more (((hugs))) and thinking of you.
I had some long chats with my vet towards the end of Eddies life and I found that comforting because I trusted his judgement.He let me make the important decisions but guided me and was very supportive and kind.
You will know when the time is right.You know him best and will just know.x
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Im not sure neko has until friday. ive promised him he never has to go to the vet again and no more carrier. hes still walking about but only a few feet from the bed weve made up for him by the radiator :( drinking lots still but still wants me, even after everything ive done and not done :'(
thank you for listening to me :hug:
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This is Neko :Luv:
http://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php/topic,39169.msg689194.html#msg689194
my heart and soul
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Well. Those pictures tell it all, don't they? I can see how very special he is, and how much love you share. Bonds like yours are the most amazing of gifts. :hug: :hug: That's why it's so very hard for us to let go, but also the greatest gift we can give them in return, to make sure they don't endure pain and suffering if its in our power to prevent it.
There's no easy way to go on without them. You can only try and honour their time with us, by thinking of every single happy memory you have of them, and letting them dominate your thoughts, rather than the sorrow of losing them.
Don't waste time in regret. Carry on loving Neko, and letting him know he can depend on you when he most has need of it. :hug: :hug:
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oh snarf reading his story it is wonderful that he found you :hug:
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oh snarf reading his story it is wonderful that he found you :hug:
i'm very much the lucky one. Hes been a fantastic friend and a great example of positivity and always seeing the fun in life.
but also the greatest gift we can give them in return, to make sure they don't endure pain and suffering if its in our power to prevent it.
There's no easy way to go on without them. You can only try and honour their time with us, by thinking of every single happy memory you have of them, and letting them dominate your thoughts, rather than the sorrow of losing them.
Don't waste time in regret. Carry on loving Neko, and letting him know he can depend on you when he most has need of it. :hug: :hug:
you are so right Sue. i was very worried in the night that i was keeping him too long, i slept (or attempted to) next to him and he didnt want to get up much. this morning though ive been wandering round and hes been wandering with me. hopefully we will have a good day together today, the sunshine is glorious, the sky is blue and the garden is calling. Hes having a snooze now, spread out on the sofa seat cushion and thick blanket ive put infront of the radiator
He is still purring and paddling and wanting attention from me, hopefully he will feel alright until tomorrow- our vet is coming over at 1-1.30
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It couldn't be a nicer and more fitting day for his last full day with you. :hug:
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Sorry I missed yesterday and am so sorry that Neko has gone downhill....I didnt know about this sudden almost normal period , must have happened to Ducha.................but hoping you have a lovely day with him today and hope everything goes peacefully and well tomorrow.
Thinking of you both :hug: :hug: :hug:
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snarf, Neko is a gorgeous boy :Luv: :Luv: :Luv:
Sending lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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You're in our thoughts tonight. :hug:
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Hope you have had a lovely day together and hope all goes well tomorrow.
:hug: :hug:
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We had a lovely day together, a couple of long naps and belly rubs and lots of hours in the sunshine. Neko managed to dip not 2 but 3 legs in the pond :tired: and ate lots of grass ( and licked lots of crazy pacing but we will ignore that for now) out in the garden his tail goes up :)
it was still a little cold and after a while i thought his feet might be feeling it so i picked him up and sat him on my lap outside- every time i did this, hed rub his head briefly on an arm in acknowledgment and wed sit together in the sun and the lovely breeze. Hes started eating his renal dry food again. Im glad i was pre-warned about this improvement. its been lovely to have him back more for a day. we played a little and cuddled lots :)
I rang the crematorium yesterday to find out the procedure- we can let the vets do this but i cant bear the idea of putting him back into a cat carrier or giving him back to the vets, even if briefly and i was ok until she asked his age.
I'm not too bad now- i know I've done everything i can. looking back through his old things has reminded me that 6 years would have been considered good for him early on- he's never been expected to live a full lifespan but i guess at some point i convinced myself otherwise. the curve in his spine was discovered to be from fused vertabrae in october. at some point these would have caused problems, not to mention the epilepsy. I feel strongly that Neko understands the mistakes I've made and forgives me. I know ive always done the best with the information i had at the time and i'm not beating myself up about not knowing the future (yet). but i know i will miss him so much, im not sure how i will be after he's gone. I'm going to collect and organise all the hundreds of photos of him and videos of him and try to write down everything i can think of that made him him and every story i can find. We got professional photos done about a year ago too- luckily hes a poser!
I found a great video of him purring and paddling on me like a lunatic from the christmas before the seizures, the healthiest he's been :Luv:
Thanks for listening and responding, it really helps.
I love your quote Tigerlilly
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Memories to treasure :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Snarf, I'm so pleased yesterday was special. idyllic in fact - they're the memories you need to hold fast to, and treasure.
Please listen to me a second. Mistakes? Everyone makes them. It's what we learn from that counts.
Cats don't judge us in petty human ways. They judge us by the love we give, the security we provide within their requirements, and the freedoms we respect them with. Someone asked of me recently if I'd known that I would only have a year, two years, three years with any of the cats who'd graced my life, would I have walked past them and chosen differently, or turned them away from my heart. I scarcely had to consider my answer, which was a resounding No. Nor do I believe you would choose to have walked away from Neko.
You will miss Neko. His absence will be a huge hole in your life. But you will honour him too, and you will keep his memories safe, and that will have made his life - however short - worthwhile.
I'm sending you both my love, and my thoughts. Draw strength from the last kindness that you give to your beautiful, beautiful Neko. When he comes home again, it will help. :hug: :hug:
Safe journey Neko. x
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thinking of you today, so glad that yesterday was everything you hoped for :hug:
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Thinking of you today :hug:
Sue put it beautifully, and I echo what she said. There are no mistakes. And if Neko could talk, he would only ever talk about how much you loved him and what a wonderful life you've given him :hug:
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You are in my thoughts :hug:
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snarf, my quote comes from this poem
If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
I’d walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why
My heart still aches in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know
But now I know you want me
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store
Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay
Sending lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: to you tonight.
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Just to echo what Sue said, this really sums it up but you will need to be very strong to read it, its the first post on this thread and very beautiful and explains so well :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
http://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php/topic,45814.0.html
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Scarf, thinking of you. :hug:
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Thank you :hug: i have been reading, just wasnt quite up to responding
Scarf
this did make me smile Sue :innocent:
Thank you Gill, i might save that for abit further down the line to read, i feel like an exposed nerve right now
Thank you Tigerlily for sharing the rest of the poem
thank you Slugsta, Nicola, Dawn, Sootyca. it helps to be able to be able to share this
Someone asked of me recently if I'd known that I would only have a year, two years, three years with any of the cats who'd graced my life, would I have walked past them and chosen differently, or turned them away from my heart. I scarcely had to consider my answer, which was a resounding No. Nor do I believe you would choose to have walked away from Neko.
You will miss Neko. His absence will be a huge hole in your life. But you will honour him too, and you will keep his memories safe, and that will have made his life - however short - worthwhile.
Im sorry you had such a short time with some of your furry family Sue :hug: you are so right Sue, never, I will always feel lucky to have known him.
Our vet said on friday that he had done really well- 3 years since his kidneys were diagnosed and that they hadnt expected him to make it through the seizures.
I know we did everything we could for him. Our entire life has been arranged around his needs, His requirements were a must when we looked at houses. we have never not done anything the vet has suggested. if anything, our other cats were a bit squashed by him
I know he had a good life, there was always so much joy in his face and i dont think cats really have a concept of a "long" life or a "short" life. I am sure he knew how much I loved him and I know he loved me.
Friday was horrible but he made it without any pain i think. he was going downhill though, just staring into his water sometimes.
We took him ourselves to a local pet crematorium friday afternoon- they only do individual cremations and because of their size we could have him back yesterday. I didnt want to leave him anywhere and i had promised him he wouldnt have to go to the vets or in the carrier again.
Hes now home again and i feel better for that. The lady at the crematorium was lovely and let me ramble on for ages telling stories about him.
It still hasn't really hit me yet and I cant think about friday morning or lunchtime. or his last few days really.
I just miss him so much, he was also so happy to see me. He used to leap at me when I first came home and id have to catch him at chest height (if you didnt he'd drag himself up to my shoulder) and then hed rub his head all over my head and shoulders, purring and rolling over. Just the sight of him always made me smile, or more often laugh. coming home from work tomorrow is going to be very upsetting i think. I cant think about all the "never agains"
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One day the beautiful memories will overcome the sad "never again" moments.
:hug: :hug:
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Just adding my :grouphug:
Such a special boy :hug: I've made sure to give the boys an extra hug after hearing about Neko - Riley is undoubtedly a burden, but one that I'm so grateful to have :shy:
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So sad for you Snarf :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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I do apologise, Snarf - kindle predictive text often sabotaged my posts, but am glad on this occasion it raised a smile. :hug:
So pleased Neko is now home again.
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RIP little Neko you were so much loved and have left a Purr in your humans heart.
If you would like me to transferbthis thread to Rainbow Bridge let me know :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Thank you Gill, can you transfer please.
I was telling him all about rainbow bridge before
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On its way and hope he learns how to send you rainbow soon :hug: :hug:
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There was a beautiful moon this morning in a deep dark velvet sky. I thought of you Snarf, and of Neko, and I offered up a blessing for you both. :hug:
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On its way and hope he learns how to send you rainbow soon :hug: :hug:
he'll have been distracted by something shiny :innocent:
Thank you Sue, i saw the big, low, pink moon tonight and thought of Neko.
i still dont really believe it all... He could be asleep somewhere or at the vets. I keep panicing that ive missed his meds.
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I never had a rainbow from my "stray" Ginger. Not that I necessarily believe in it. What I did have shortly after his final journey was a very vivid dream and he was there in glorious colour and back to full health - I had never dreamt of him before or after that. I was worried that I had given up on him too early but rightly or wrongly, that reassured me.
He will send you his own message that you will understand - be it a rainbow or something else.
:hug:
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It took Ducha a year to learn to send a rainbow and was all broken up but he can do it now. ;D
So agree he will send a message that you will understand :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Thank you for that link Gill, its a lovely story and its a choice i would make over again.
I still cant get my head around it. if i dont think about that last day i can believe hes just somewhere else. He was only in this house for 2 weeks so there's nowhere we expect to see him. his fur isn't everywhere. although we still find plenty of it :Luv:
a few months after he arrived i started buying clothes in grey as it was easier to blend in with him than to try to keep his fur off my clothes. Im happy when I find a fur now
3 weeks ago he was asleep on my lap while i waited for the call with his blood results
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:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Thinking of you, treasure :hug:
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You are very welcome and although very sad for me its answers the questions.
I know what you mean about the fur :hug: :hug: :hug:
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I'm struggling today...almost 5 months on
We finally put the cat proofing for the garden up this weekend. The kits love it, and the weather has been great for them but its bitter sweet as this was always something we wanted for Neko. We should have had vaccination appointments today for 2 of ours. Theyre overdue and ive been putting them off as the smell of vets reminds me soo much of Neko at the end and then they called today to say our regular lovely vet couldnt keep the appointment but the blunt one that told me Neko was dying (in the same way you would tell someone their meter needed reading) could... we have rearranged instead.
Neko sent his first rainbow when i was on my way to work. right in from of me and over a grey cloud. Then a few weeks ago, I was driving back from stoke after buying a new (used) car (something i couldnt afford to do when i was paying for all Nekos food and meds) and it was literally rainbow after rainbow all the way down the a50 (about 40minutes) and i sobbed the whole way.
I miss him so much and i keep thinking that there should have been something i could do. what if we hadnt been in the process of moving, could i have gotten him eating? Why didnt we try sub-cut fluids? Why, in the weeks before, when he was in an out of the vets didnt any of the vets mention that this could be the end? Did he give up? Did i give up?
I know everyone here has been through this, does it get easier to bear?
Sorry for wallowing :-[
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Sweetheart. :hug: what we as human slaves find hardest to bear is accepting that sometimes, doing nothing is the wisest choice. Don't second guess yourself or Neko. You loved Neko with all your heart. Cats live in the moment, a lesson we could do well to learn but seldom succeed in doing. I wouldn't say it gets easier, but the remembering gets softer, gentler. :hug:
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Understand what you are going through :hug:
The Blue Cross bereavement service is just wonderful. You can talk to them but I found emailing better then you can get every thing down and have something to read back :hug:
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support
I agree with Sue too :hug:
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Snarf :hug:
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Honestly Snarf, it does get easier, and sometimes it hits you in the chops again. My Trouble's white rose put out it's first bloom today. It was three days before last Christmas I had him PTS as his kidneys were failing, there were other things I could have tried, but when I asked the vet her honest opinion, she said I would be doing it more for my sake than his and that she thought he was ready to go. Bawling now thinking about it.
We do the best we can, they know we love them. That is the best we can do Honey. Please take care. Thinking of you. :care: :care: :care:
Paula xxx
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thank you guys :hug: it helps to be understood :hug: ill contact bluecross
im very lucky that i have literally hundreds of photos and a few very precious videos- one of Neko purring and paddling away on me- and in every one he looks happy and there are so many of us together. i guess ive been trying to block out how ill he was at the end
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This is so sad and like the others I totally understand :hug: :hug: :hug:
I get upset before every anniversary and one in a week or so.
This will be Kockas 11th year on the Bridge and it does get easier but can take a long time. After Kocka I also used Blue Cross and like Alison emailed them as I could not talk.
It was also how I found Cat Chat by accident and then helped to start Purrs so a silver lining.
The rainbows sound wonderful and Neko has done so well sending so many but seeing the first one is heartbreaking and Kockas appeared over her grave and have a picture.
Napoleon sent me a massive one just as I was heading into Tescos and the end was so close I could have driven onto it.
I dont think it hurts to shed a few tears even in years gone by, its all in honour of them, we remember them all and Neko will always be paddling away in your heart :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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A year ago Yesterday since Neko left me to go to the bridge, I still can't nap without my nap buddy. We used to have the most refreshing naps imaginable together, neko sprawled down my front, under a blanket. he was so long his feet would be by my knees, his front paw usually poking me in the face. :Luv: I still miss him so much
Ive been watching all my videos of him today and seeing him go from his prime to the end. I cant believe i didnt see how ill he was in the weeks leading up. In and out of the vets and still in denial.
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:hug:
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Snarf, I dont know if it's denial, or whether we just invest so much emotion that it clouds our judgment. :hug: Either way, you loved Neko. Love is never a poor currency, even in those circumstances where illness separates us from one another. He's still snuggling with his Mum, just with the lightest of touches. :hug:
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ONE THING IS TRUE AND HAVE THE SAME MYSELF, WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AT PICS YOU SEE THINGS THAT YOU DIDNT AT THE TIME,
I THINK ITS BECAUSE ON THE WHOLE CHANGES HAPPEN QUITE SLOWLY SO ITS ONLY IN RETROSPECT YOU CAN SEE THEM.
I UNDERTAND SO WELL THOUGH AND A YEAR IS STILL A SHORT TIME TO RECOVER FROM THE GRIEF, IT CANNTAKE YEARS AND EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT :hug: :hug: :hug:
NEKO IS WATCHING OVER YOU.
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Snarf, it is about 16 years since I lost my Mogwai to an RTA, my Troubles Mum. Sometimes when I sit on the bed I still feel her nudging me for affection, I feel like Trouble, Jude, Cassie, and innumerable other cats are just there, waiting. I have young cats now, but I rehomed a lot of cats that I had for a matter of months as they were elderly with health problems. They are still in my heart. It is true what they say, you can never replace that love, your heart just expands to allow more love.
Sorry, I am not as eloquent as Sue P.
But I have lost too many cats, they don't ever leave you, but the pain does lessen a bit year on year. :care: :care: :care:
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Thinking of you and understand :hug: