Purrs In Our Hearts - Cat Forum UK

Cat General => General Cat Chat => Topic started by: Queen-Penguin on May 04, 2007, 17:46:41 PM

Title: Funny Email - Cats Diary!
Post by: Queen-Penguin on May 04, 2007, 17:46:41 PM
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

8:00 a.m. - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 a.m. - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 a.m. - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 a.m. - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 p.m. - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 p.m. - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 p.m. - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 p.m. - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 p.m. - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 p.m. - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 p.m. - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

 

 

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little

dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates

and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt

for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order

to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of

escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I

had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending

comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some

sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary

confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises

and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of

"allergies." I must learn what that means, and how to use it to my

advantage.

 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this

again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The

dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be

more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

 

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the

guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors

have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

Title: Re: Funny Email - Cats Diary!
Post by: Sam (Fussy_Furball) on May 04, 2007, 19:56:00 PM
 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Title: Re: Funny Email - Cats Diary!
Post by: Kittybabe (Ruth) on May 04, 2007, 20:26:12 PM
 :rofl: its been a good couple years since I read this before, but I have to say it still tickles me silly! 
Title: Re: Funny Email - Cats Diary!
Post by: hannah (weeny) on May 04, 2007, 20:34:43 PM
hehe, me too ruth. is so funny  :evillaugh:
Title: Re: Funny Email - Cats Diary!
Post by: JackSpratt on May 04, 2007, 20:45:17 PM
I love this! I've been sent it a few times in email form and it never fails to make me smile. :)
Title: Re: Funny Email - Cats Diary!
Post by: forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) on May 04, 2007, 20:52:30 PM
ive read it b4
its so funny  :rofl: