Purrs In Our Hearts - Cat Forum UK
Cat General => General Cat Chat => Topic started by: JUDROP1948 on December 28, 2010, 00:09:53 AM
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:thanks: :hug: :hug: I would like to thank everyone who helped me to get through one of the most difficult two weeks in my ( not so young ) life, your kindness and understanding when I lost my lovely boy Odi was a great help to me.
I am still not `over `it I dont know that I ever will be, loss of those dear to us becomes a matter of learning to live without them rather than getting over it, but heartfelt thanks to you all, and again for the opportunity to post a rememberance for my 3 lovely Ginger Toms.
Now a question, I feel a gaping hole in my life, our dear old Sooty has tried valliently to help , by sitting on my lap far more than she ever has before, she likes her space and cuddles infrequently, so I am a bit of a burden to her at the moment, as I say she HAS tried, but it is an imposition to her !
How soon should one introduce another cat ? ?
I know I can never REPLACE Odi he was an individual, would it help or hinder to open our home and heart to another ginger Tom ?
May I have your thoughts please ?
Thanks again Ju XX
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only you can answer the question of when you feel ready to introduce another furry :hug:
all I can say is that I am old enough to know that a new cat does not in any way make the memory of the one who has gone to the Bridge less powerful, or the loss less painful - but nor do those memories and sense of loss make it impossible to love another
if you have room in your house and heart for another, then goodness knows there are a lot of needy cats out there just waiting to take up residence
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basically it is when you are ready and whether your Sooty would accept another cat as they can feel the loss of another cat that lives in the house.
In one instance it took 6 months for me to get another furry but then with the next one still have not got another furry and it has been almost 2 years since losing that cat. If you feel ready then that is the time as long as Sooty is also ready and if she has been coming for cuddles more she may be feeling the loss herself and is needing the comfort off you as much as you need it off her.
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:hug:
I waited about 6 months after Biggles died before I got Archie.
As has been mentioned it does not fill the gap left by Odi that will happen over time but you will have a new character to love
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I have gone from going out the day after, to waiting a few months. When you feel ready, I would just go to a local rescue and see what they have, rather than thinking you have to go for a ginger tom, as you might find that another cat pulls at your heartstrings more.
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:thanks:
As ever many thanks yet again , you all talk so much sense !
I am still unsure if I am ready but have found another Ginger Tom at a cats protection fairly local ( not sure if we are actually in their catchment area as yet ) and may go to see him and see if we like each other, I do understand that Odi cannot be replaced in my heart , I loved him as an individual , and Sooty is a very independant old lady who likes her own space and not too much fuss, bother her at your peril ! bless her .
We shall see how it goes and if we are not right for each other, best to not go ahead.
I will keep you posted and again thank you so much XX
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As others have said Hun you will know when the time is right and I think that the fact that you are thinking about it says that the time is probably right. You will never replace Odi and he will always live on in your heart and memories but you will find space in your heart to love and cherish another fur baby as all us cat lovers do xxx
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Its very difficult because everyone reacts differently and it sounds like you feel the need now :hug: :hug:
I hope what ever you decide works out great :hug:
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:hug: If you think the time might be right then maybe make initial enquiries? I am sure CP will appreciate your honesty as that means you are thinking of the welfare of the cat and that adoption is a long term commitment not just for Xmas. Would you consider becoming a
failed fosterer if you are uncertain or would that not work for Sooty?
I adopted Noah the day after my ex moved out :'( the relationship ending was the catalyst as I'd been thinking of adopting another cat for a couple of years and CP were aware of the situation from the outset. It was the best thing I could have done - of course the two relationships are not the same but Noah has been a wonderful distraction, companionship, cuddles and noise in the flat! :Luv2: I don't mind admitting I'd do the same again when Noah goes to the bridge, and it is absolutely not because I don't love my dear boy for himself rather than as a generic cat IYSWIM.
Edited to add: I wouldn't be so hasty to replace a cat with a man, felines win no contest. :evillaugh:
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:thanks: thanks everyone , but especially Firefox, who put the way I feel very succinctly , exactly that, I wouldnt want to dis respect any of my moggies especially Odi , they all brought me joy , but he was truly special, its the great gaping hole I cant cope with, we HAVE made tentative enquiries and plan to go and meet Saul ( may have to change that, he`s only 1 so shouldnt be a problem, unless its like changing a ships name ? ) on new years day , just to see if we like each other, I am not the sort of person who would dream of returning a cat I had adopted, so need to be as sure as poss we can get to be happy with each other , if he doesnt like me then its a no go . :) We shall see.
MANY thanks for all your input TRULY appreciated XX
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Good luck with meeting Saul .. (I like that name) ... fingers crossed he will like you and we become another much loved addition to you household :hug:
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:crossed:
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Good Luck Judrop and you never know you may see another that gives a spark when you see it even if it does not work out with Saul.
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:good morning 2: Quick up date for those interested, went to meet Saul on Saturday, he is a lovely boy , and such a shame he has had to be `in care` at such a young age, at almost 2 he is just learning to play ! Particularly good that he seemed to get on with hubby(more than me ! :sick: ) but generally quite a chilled out young man, doesnt answer to any name so we shall see what happens after home visit ( person who does inspections away at present)
Taking it easy at at the moment just seeing how things go.
Thanks for interest
love Ju XX
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glad you got on with him - fingers crossed for the home visit, I wouldn't worry about changing his name if you want to although my oh had a lovely Italian uncle Saul!
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This is sounding very promising! :wow: I bet Saul is keeping his paws crossed.
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Just nipped on and see that the visit to see Saul looks promising. :hug: I like the name, Saul, too.
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:summer flowers: Just popped on for a look , and yet more of you left messages , MANY thanks, It is lovely to know your all there in my corner, I am warming to the name Saul, !
Will up-date when I know anything , bless you all XX
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we aren't a bad bunch are we! :rofl: :rofl:
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Good Luck I hope it works out for you all.
Nicky
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;D Had short notice Inspection today, all is well, we collect Saul tomorrow morning, still feeling sad about Odi , had a weep again today, ( is this normal ?) but I know I cant get him back, which is what I really want , and there are SO many cats needing homes where they are loved , and he will be , I hope it will be a win win for all of us .
Not sure how Sooty will take it we shall see and I will post again when things have , hopefully, calmed down.
Thanks again lovely purrs people xxxx
P S he is to be re named FRODO ! ( I THINK !)
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Wishing you all the best with Saul/Frodo :hug:
When my thomas died at 18 months and we got Timmy as a friend for Sam - I still sat there crying for my little Thomas- so yes I would say that is normal - you are still grieving for your Odi :hug: :hug:
With time and little steps ........ :hug:
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Newbie will provide a distraction at least although I would expect weeping to continue on and off for a while :hug:
So pleased for you and newbie :).
Very exciting; hope you sleep OK tonight and hope all goes well with Sooty and newbie's intros altho don't expect her to fall madly in love with the new fella initially ;)
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ooooh how exciting .... I hope it all goes well tomorrow with Frodo and Sooty.
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:hug: :thanks: Edd ,Sam and Rosella thanks , that is exactly it,I know , but I feel slightly guilty, Odi would have been SO cross to have another cat here, but IF he were here there wouldnt have been another cat , does that make sense?
Any how like I say hopefully win win for both of us, we need each other .I know Sooty will not take him to her heart staight away , but fingers crossed I can make sure she still feels loved, it will help !??
Thanks so much again lovely purrs people XX i WILL let you know how it goes !
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Grief hits us at any place any time, it is not logical or selective. :hug: I truly believe something good always comes out of something bad, not quite karma but ... :hug:
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This link may help with the introductions tomorrow: http://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php/topic,4789.0.html
I'm a great believer in just "letting them get on with it" but that's not always the best way and if Sooty is a stropper mare then it might be better to introduce Frodo slowly. ;)
I'm sure Odi will be watching how things go tomorrow and he will be so proud of his mummy for opening her home and her heart to another little soul in need of some TLC.
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I am sure that Odi had a paw in finding you the right friend for Sooty and he will be watching to see you do everything right :hug: :hug: :hug:
Grief hangs around for a long time and chooses all the wrong moments to strike I find.
I favour slow introductions unless the cats show signs of wanting to know each other but then the greatest of care needs to be taken and they should be supervised until you are sure they are OK together.
Sending you best wishes for tomorrow and hope all goes well :hug: :hug:
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Am very pleased to hear your news. ;D
When we lost Flynn, we didn't replace him (we still had/have Paddy of course) but I used to find myself overtaken by tears for months afterwards, most unexpectedly. Even where you acquire another companion, it doesn't mean you're shutting Odi out of your heart. :hug: :hug: Hearts are quite good at expanding to accommodate many loves in a lifetime - different kinds and differing depths, but all of them valid.
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wonderful news! you aren't replacing you are giving love you have to spare :hug:
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:) Hi guys , wonderful supportive messages again , MANY thanks, well its 8:50 pm , and no major spats ! Got some Felliway and seems to be working ! ( maybe on the hoomans too we have all been dozy this afternoon ) Sooty has the odd growl and hiss, but Frodo is sensible and goes under the sofa, and pokes the odd foot ! He is a lovely beefy bundle, will have to watch out if he dives at me, OR anything else, he will break things without meaning to! He is also the first cat we have had to be great friends with my OH , a great bonus and lovely to see :wow:
Sooty is doing her best to make me feel bad ,( only because she feels bad , i am sure) normally in bad weather she just goes out for toilet facilities and straight back , today she stayed out in the rain , me calling like an idiot, then as I took a walk down the garden, to muck the chooks out, she came out of hiding, to walk with me and came back in afterwards, she hasnt sat on my lap today, but she seldom did when Odi was alive .
Its going to be interesting, and I will try to keep this up to date,
MANY MANY thanks again
much love Ju XX
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;D Had short notice Inspection today, all is well, we collect Saul tomorrow morning, still feeling sad about Odi , had a weep again today, ( is this normal ?) but I know I cant get him back, which is what I really want , and there are SO many cats needing homes where they are loved , and he will be , I hope it will be a win win for all of us .
Not sure how Sooty will take it we shall see and I will post again when things have , hopefully, calmed down.
Thanks again lovely purrs people xxxx
P S he is to be re named FRODO ! ( I THINK !)
So pleased everything went well. I am sorry I have just seen this have been busy with foster animals and my own. Even 2 and 3 years on I still sometimes find myself having a little cry as I miss them. There is nothing to feel guilty about you are giving your love to one that needs it and not replacing as that has come across each time. Have noticed that Saul's name has changed to Frodo as well. Good luck and hope everything goes well and you all have a long and happy life together.
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So far so good then although Sooty feels a bit put out :hug:
Give her lots of attention so she knows that you still love her and make sure that Frodo has lots of hiding places to feel safe.
Hope it gets better and better ;D
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:) THANKS Gill and Ellen, just a quicky to let everyone know that we all survived the night ok , no rumbles from Sooty this morning ( so far ) Frodo has eaten and had an explore downstairs and up into our sons bedroom , and survived , he is now happily snoozing under the sofa, where , for now , he feels comfy..
I should also like to thank everyone at Sleaford CP, THEY WERE WONDERFUL !
Will try to get some pics on , not good at reducing them sufficiently yet ! LOL.
Lots love Ju XX
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So pleased the first night was OK. if you want to send me your pics I can reduce and post for you .... fussy_furball [at] hotmail.com
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So far so very good by the sounds of it. :)
Sooty will feel a little strange at first, so as Gill says - make sure she gets lots of cuddles too. Sounds like Frodo isn't at all phased by his new surroundings. Hope you've had another lovely day all together. :hug:
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:hug: Thanks Sue and Sam, just having a go at posting one pic taken today , fingers crossed XX WHOOP WHOOP !
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Frodo looks a lovely chunky boy :Luv2: :Luv2:
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He looks a sweetie Judrop :)
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He's a handsome fellow isn't he? :wow:
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:Luv2: :Luv2: :Luv2: :Luv2: :Luv2:
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oooh lovely, he is very cobby isn't he
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;D Evening everyone ! Sorry bit late had probs logging on :doh: !
At the end of day 3 and Frodo is very settled, now ignores Sooty`s growls,(still ducks when he walks by her chair tho ) he has now decided he really doesnt like being brushed , loved it when first arrived, still loves his daddy, and not been under spfa at all today .
Sooty has not been on my lap since Frodo arrived and is happiest in our bed , yes under the covers, I AM a little concerned, anyone an idea about best to leave her or to try to cajole her into coming into sitting room ??
Have to say I feel confused , despite having had cats for most of my 63 years ! Just hoping she will come around, love her to bits but cant make her see it at the moment :(.
Thanks in advance for any ideas
Love Ju XX
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my Trigger hardly ever comes into the sitting room since Tosker joined us indoors, and that's over a year ago now
and if he tries to get on my lap, or be near me on the bed, Tosker comes rushing in and Trigger immediately leaves because he won't share
it makes me a bit sad, but Trigger seems happy enough, and if I tried to stop him being on his own it would probably stress both of us out - as it is if he is settled somewhere I can reach him I make a good fuss of him, but very very quietly!!
Sooty may go on keeping her distance from Frodo, and from you if Frodo is around, but it is too early, I think, to know if it is permanent - after hissing at him she has moved on to stage 2, which is basically avoiding him - stage 3 might well be her tolerating him, and who knows, she might even get to appreciate him
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I would let her sort things out in her own time but where ever she is staying try and giuve her strokes and cuddles. Its very early days but Frodo sounds a very confident cat and he has intruded on her patch ands she is showing that she does not appreciate this.
He also maybe has dethroned her from being the top cat.