Purrs In Our Hearts - Cat Forum UK
In Loving Memory Cats => Rainbow Bridge - In Loving Memory => Topic started by: Hippykitty on June 01, 2009, 06:49:36 AM
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For the first week after Polly died, I managed to push the grief to the back of my mind except for a couple of night's sobbing. Now, however, I'm aware that I'm suppressing a hell of sadness, no more like an explosion of emotional pain which I'm trying to stop happening. It keeps me awake and is making me feel unwell.
Before Polly, the previous time a cat, Max, crossed the Bridge, I cried buckets for months. I'm trying to stop that happening again. Should I? I don't think I'd be able to manage it again.
Does anyone know any really good pet loss forums (other than this one, of course)? Preferably UK one/s.
How do other people manage?
I'm lucky in having supportive friends; but 4am phone calls, although they don't complain, aren't really the nicest thing for me to do to them.
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I think you just have to do whatever comes, if its tears let them out. There are stages of bereavement and you have to go through them all to get out the otherside - I know the blue cross has a bereavement service but I've never used it myself so don't know how helpful it is big hug to you hunnie
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When my husband discovered Ferris, dead after he was missing for 10 days, I thought I would never ever be happy again.
A part of me died with him. I cried for hours, for weeks, for months.
I yelled at people who suggested I would get a new kitten.
I wanted Ferris, not one other cat.
Then I did get a kitten and that helped me. Not as a replacement, Ferris could never be replaced, but Dorian was so helpless and small. We feared for his health in the beginning and that helped the bonding.
He turned out te be one of the sweetest cats I ever had though I will never forget Ferris and the joy he gave me.
Slowly you will start to cope, you will have bad days, some good and one day the grief will hit you enormously, but hey, you have to survive.
Call me when you want/need to talk.
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Oh Hippykitty, i read this and just had to send you my thoughts, because it's the same question that is in my head all the time. I wish I knew the answer. It's so terribly hard isn't it? I'm so hoping for the day when I can think of my Rocky without feeling like I want to curl into a ball and howl. I've been trying to keep it inside as well but I'm finding it impossible. i seem to burst into tears at the oddest moments. And when i start...there's no stopping me. I do find it helps a little to have a good old sob though and sometimes it's the only way i can sleep. So I say let it out when you need to and come on here if you're struggling and need to get stuff off your chest
I know there are no words to help, just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what your going through. :hug: :hug:
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So sorry to hear about Ferris and Rocky. I'm thinking of seeing my doctor, who is very understanding. I've suffered from depression in the past which may affect the way I'm reacting. I googled grief stages. I seem to be stuck between a couple of stages: denial and the angry, sobbing stage.
Samantha, who was Polly's lifelong friend since they met at Wellcat rescue, is also sad and needing lots of attention. In a way, the other cats help, but Sam's grief reminds me of my own.
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its still early days HK, you will get through the stages but I know it seems impossible now
http://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/site/AboutUs/PetBereavement/PBSSIntro.asp
is the link for the blue cross, I believe you can speak to people on the phone as well
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Thanks Dawn.
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Awww, HippyKitty :hug:
It took me over a year and a half to finally accept the loss of Hamish
it's not good to try and hold it in, it is human nature to greive, and you have to let it out
just let it take as long as it takes, We are all here for you hun :shy:
:hug: :hug:
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I used to email the blue cross after Kocka went to the Bridge, couldnt talk to them on the phone cos was too upset. I never found any sites that were very good and all were in the states.
I agree with what all the others have said and I think its better to mourn than try to push it to the back of your mind.
I still miss Kocka so much, even with my 4 that came after and think I always will.
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I've just today had to let my wonderful old boy go to the bridge, so know just how you're feeling. I had a dog, who I worshipped and adored with all my heart and soul. I lost him in 2007 and I know I'm not over the grief. But don't hold it in, cry for your little one. I too suffer the most dreadful depression. My cats are my life. Am hugging you in spirit. God Bless.
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Hi HK, just popped by to say i hope you're doing OK :hug:
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HK, I've just read this. If you need to cry, do so. Seriously, holding it in is just letting it mount up inside and it feels awful. I lost LJ (Toby) a year ago last Friday and I still cry about him not being around. When an animal gets into your heart to that degree, missing them is normal.
Hope you're bearing up. :care:
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Hi HK
So sorry you have lost Polly. It hurts so much doesn't it?
I lost Koko on Friday so very raw too. I thought I was all cried out but reading your story made me start all over again. It is part of healing the broken heart, although unbearable.
I think we could do with some hugs right now, so sending you loads ((((((hugs))))))
I hope you find some comfort in knowing that people are thinking of you & you are not alone.
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Thank you so much everyone.
I went to see my doctor and she's arranged for me to see a counsellor. She thinks I'm stuck between two grief stages, which is why I'm finding it hard to cry. I'm stuck between denial and the crying stage. She did change my meds, but this resulted in me having a seizure while shopping in Asda with a friend. Paramedics were in the store seeing someone else, but came to me instead. I was unconscious longer than usual and had trouble coming round, according to Rebekah, a friend whose seen me conk out several times before. So I've gone back to the old meds, even though my doc thinks they're numbing me.
I'm trying to keep my mind busy and focus on other things. I see the counsellor on 17th, maybe it'll help me to let go and sob.
Sorry for all your losses. Why don't they live as long as us?
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HK I've only just seen this, I am so sorry the fits are playing up again, I hope the counsellor can help you
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I hope the app with the councillor has helped HK! Sending positive vibes to keep you strong..... :care: :grouphug:
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Have only just seen this HK :hug:
hope things start to get better you for you soon xx
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Unfortunately I had to cancel the appt with the counsellor due to having a seizure the evening before. The epilepsy has been worse since P died. (I find it hard to type her name.) I still feel a bit "stuck" and have been hanging around the house feeling miserable.
The other evening I watched an hour long vid on youtube about grief - a lecture given at the Uni of California -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyt56m_3tNM&feature=channel_page
which helped lots. I'm now making myself look at her pics (and say her name) and compiling a journal about her, her death, and revisiting painful moments.
Thanks for all your good wishes. Fred and Victoria are becoming lovely cats, and Samantha has grown more affectionate towards me.
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have the doctors considered altering your meds or is that just playing with fire (that said I know I'd be reluctant to change mine as they work for me) - I think the journal is a lovely idea and talking is the best therapy ever
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My cousin lost their family cat Boo (Rainbow) about five years ago I think she said. She found it helped to get a lovely pot (interestingly, when they got home and looked on the base the style of the pot was "Rainbow.") and plant a memorial plant - her Mum also compiled a memory album for her, starting from when they first got Boo to her final years.
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Dawn, I've tried almost all the anticonvulsants in existence. The combination I take now is more or less the best for me. The gp tried increasing the dose of antidepressants I take (I was severely depressed a few years ago), even though I don't feel depressed at the moment, just sad and unable to cry. I told her that I'd increased the diazepam I take to numb my grief, which she thought was a bad idea, but I've been scared of letting go of my feelings in case I become depressed again, hence the increase in the antidepressants. This increase caused a severe seizure which led to me being carted off by paramedics etc. Problem with antideps is that they do the opposite of anticons.
I'm focussing on the other cats and on homing the 'kittens' I've had for far too long (a bunch of ferals I rescued some time ago). They'll be on CC by the end of this week.
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that is the trouble its pretty finely balanced - its good that you are focusing on the kittens - I remember them, hope you manage to find somewhere for them