Purrs In Our Hearts - Cat Forum UK
Cat Health & Behaviour => Health & Behaviour General => Topic started by: Lynds on October 14, 2008, 09:21:45 AM
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I have two beautiful moggies, Nobo and Izzy. For those who don't know, Nobo has been bullying Izzy and I've received some great advice from some on you how to try and fix it. I move house in a few weeks so I will be trying the separation when I move as it seems silly to start now, only to move in 4 weeks and start again.
Anyway, Nobo is turning into such a horrid little cat, although I do adore him. He has learned to open my Brabantia bin now and jumps in for food. I can assure you he's well fed. He's playing aggressively with me and my OH. He seems to do things just to spite me. He screams to get out then screams to get in. He crawls all over us to eat our food while we eat. We shut him out so we can eat in peace and he starts to throw himself against the door to try and open it - I kid you not.
I was joking with my friends the other day saying that since he become an outdoor cat, he's become rather mean...maybe he's fallen in with a bad crowd :rofl: :rofl:
Now I know I can't reason with a cat, but does anyone have any tips? I used to regularly dog sit for my good friend and dogs are rather easy to train.
If only there was a naughty step for cats. >:(
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:naughty: without making light of it... answer to your question... you don't :evillaugh:
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:naughty: without making light of it... answer to your question... you don't :evillaugh:
Arghhhhh lol
I know they are independent, but why the sudden change?
Jeez.
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how old is he, he might just reached maturity
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He sounds to be wanting attention to me, lots of love and just a firm no! (only) is what I do with mine.
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how old is he, he might just reached maturity
I'm not 100% sure as he's a rescue cat, but the vet estimated his age at 10 months. So he'll be turning one at the end of October.
Lynds
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He sounds to be wanting attention to me, lots of love and just a firm no! (only) is what I do with mine.
I thought the same Janey but since the bullying started, I've doubled the love I give to him (if that's even possible). I've been doing the firm no etc and he seems to get worse when I do this. I make sure we have time alone so he knows he's still my main man etc.
Ahhh I dunno... :tired:
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Another thing I would give him lots of toys to play with to keep him occupied, he sounds a lively little soul ;D but what I would do when you play with him is if he starts playing aggressively I'd ignore that behaviour, even leave the room.
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Indeed. There's a difference between giving lots of love and rewarding behaviour you want to change. So still show him lots of love, but when he does things you need to change, do as Janey says. Ignore him. No matter what he does, ignore him, don't give in to him, don't talk to him, just let him know that when he does that he's not going to get a response.
Sounds to me like's he's just a little monkey and will try it on no matter what. :evillaugh:
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Milo can be like this!!! (his not a bully though)
When he wants attention he gets behind our telly and chews the cables, and scratches the bottom of the sofa. One day after being at my wits end I shut him in the hallway and kitchen, (like a naughty step I suppose) for 10 minutes!
In that 10 minutes he managed to knock the water bowls over, get in the utility cupboard and pull over the toilet rolls and kitchen rolls. He also knocked a couple of forks off the work surface in the kitchen, needless to say I've not bothered doing this since.
With Milo now after dinner I give him cuddles and a fuss and try to play with him for 5/10 minutes before I wash up and have a bath and settle down for the evening, this has lessened the cable chewing. Once I'm done we sit on the sofa and have cuddles with Jess and Hubby.
I think Milo was attention seeking. At dinner time he would often get on the table and try to steal food, we put this down to being a stray, over time he has learnt to sit nicely at the table and now the 4 of us dine together :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: without the cats climbing at the table they sit patiently and wait for some mash potato or chicken.
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Another thing I would give him lots of toys to play with to keep him occupied, he sounds a lively little soul ;D but what I would do when you play with him is if he starts playing aggressively I'd ignore that behaviour, even leave the room.
He's got more toys than he can play with. We even give him 2 x 30 mins bursts of Da Bird every day as this really tires him out and he loves it. We only stop after 30 mins as he starts to pant loudly and needs to rest.
I really appreciate your suggestions but honestly the toy and love situation is definitely sorted. I don't know what else to try.
:doh:
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Indeed. There's a difference between giving lots of love and rewarding behaviour you want to change. So still show him lots of love, but when he does things you need to change, do as Janey says. Ignore him. No matter what he does, ignore him, don't give in to him, don't talk to him, just let him know that when he does that he's not going to get a response.
Sounds to me like's he's just a little monkey and will try it on no matter what. :evillaugh:
I certainly don't give him love or any rewards when he's naughty but perhaps I'll try ignoring him. He's very dog like sometimes in that perhaps any attention (good or bad) is attention he craves. I'll try ignoring him. When I catch him in the bin I really lose the rag, so should I just lift him out and ignore him, or still do the whole NO etc? My gut instinct still says a firm NO for that kind of behaviour and ignoring the other stuff.
Lynds
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Milo can be like this!!! (his not a bully though)
When he wants attention he gets behind our telly and chews the cables, and scratches the bottom of the sofa. One day after being at my wits end I shut him in the hallway and kitchen, (like a naughty step I suppose) for 10 minutes!
In that 10 minutes he managed to knock the water bowls over, get in the utility cupboard and pull over the toilet rolls and kitchen rolls. He also knocked a couple of forks off the work surface in the kitchen, needless to say I've not bothered doing this since.
With Milo now after dinner I give him cuddles and a fuss and try to play with him for 5/10 minutes before I wash up and have a bath and settle down for the evening, this has lessened the cable chewing. Once I'm done we sit on the sofa and have cuddles with Jess and Hubby.
I think Milo was attention seeking. At dinner time he would often get on the table and try to steal food, we put this down to being a stray, over time he has learnt to sit nicely at the table and now the 4 of us dine together :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: without the cats climbing at the table they sit patiently and wait for some mash potato or chicken.
Leanne - I think Milo is related to Nobo lol...It's spooky. He's now taken to trying to tip the plasma over. I don't have it flush against the wall as I'm renting this property and moving into my own home in a few weeks. So the plasma is on a stand. He jumps up the back and tries to push it over. He'll also try and chew the cables and generally be a little sh*t around areas he shouldn't be in. When I move, I'm going to put lemon or something in these areas as I've heard this puts cats off, but that still doesn't sort the Antichrist behaviour.
I've tried shutting him out when he's like this so I can eat in peace or just get some peace! He throws himself into the door, or does what Milo does and runs riot all over the areas he can get access to.
I really appreciate everyone's input/comments/suggestions as I'm open to trying anything!
Lynds
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I wouldn't give him love when he's naughty or attention (that's for other times) just no! our Penny was a nuisance for the bin but I said a firm no and she stopped but she still tried it on. Like I said I'd just ignore naughty behaviour and be consistent, if you're doing all that it sounds like you're doing the right things to me but may just take time, he's still a young cat and I'm sure he'll settle down.
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Riley is a bit of a tearaway at times too :tired: He doesn't play aggresively but he's just into absolutely everything whether it concerns him or not :evillaugh:
Rather than tell him 'No' I now use a different word or rather sound in my case. No can be overused, how many times a day do you find yourself telling him 'No, don't do that' 'No, get of that' 'No biting'? Instead of saying No I make a sound which is like the sound you'd make to try and stop someone doing something - hard to describe but sort of 'uh, uh, uh'. This is really effective and he immediately knows he's done/doing/is about to do something wrong and he even makes the same 'uh uh uh' cackling noise back to me while looking at me sheepishly!
Also Nobo is still a baby really so is testing the boundaries, Riley is 20 months now and his beahviour is better than it used to be. I also used the supernanny method on him when it came to bedtime but I guess it could be used in any situation. He used to pester me and poke me constantly during the night so I would literally sit up, pick him up without engaging with him, say No firmly and place him at the bottom of the bed. I must have done this 80 odd times the first night and only a few less the next night but he got the message in the end and now he doesn't pester me at all, just snuggles down under the cover for a bed time cuddle before going to sleep. I guess this could be adapted to any situation, ie remove him from the situation without creating a fuss and repeat this as many times as it takes for him to get the hint.
Incidentally I do have two cats, Riley's brother Lu is obviously the same age and is an absolute angel and quite honestly never does anything naughty. They were bought up in exactly the same way and receive the same amount of love and attention so it just goes to show that it's not learnt behaviour just that they are naturally naughty :naughty:
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Helen, thats adorable that he makes the noise back at you! :Luv2:
Doc sounds like the tearaway described. I will post more on my lunch with the details but he is dog like. I wonder if he was supposed to be called "Dog" and not "Doc" at the rescue! :evillaugh:
Ours know the word "Out!" means get out of the cupboard, box, bag etc they are in but other than that they pretty much ignore me. Maybe I need to use different words for different things!
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Helen thats really interesting as my Hubby makes a funny noise at the boys and they listen to him and behave but don't with me, Hubby says I am a soft touch!
Lynds the lemon didn't work for us, we must have the only cat who is interested in lemon, we also tried squirting Milo with water and he enjoyed that too!
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we also tried squirting Milo with water and he enjoyed that too!
Oh yes, I tried that too, he loved it! I ended up with water drippring of the ceiling (he was up on a really high shelf in the kitchen) and Riley sat up there, looking a bit soggy, almost grinning at me :innocent:
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I thought it was the cats that disciplined us? :rofl:
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Riley is a bit of a tearaway at times too :tired: He doesn't play aggresively but he's just into absolutely everything whether it concerns him or not :evillaugh:
Rather than tell him 'No' I now use a different word or rather sound in my case. No can be overused, how many times a day do you find yourself telling him 'No, don't do that' 'No, get of that' 'No biting'? Instead of saying No I make a sound which is like the sound you'd make to try and stop someone doing something - hard to describe but sort of 'uh, uh, uh'. This is really effective and he immediately knows he's done/doing/is about to do something wrong and he even makes the same 'uh uh uh' cackling noise back to me while looking at me sheepishly!
Also Nobo is still a baby really so is testing the boundaries, Riley is 20 months now and his beahviour is better than it used to be. I also used the supernanny method on him when it came to bedtime but I guess it could be used in any situation. He used to pester me and poke me constantly during the night so I would literally sit up, pick him up without engaging with him, say No firmly and place him at the bottom of the bed. I must have done this 80 odd times the first night and only a few less the next night but he got the message in the end and now he doesn't pester me at all, just snuggles down under the cover for a bed time cuddle before going to sleep. I guess this could be adapted to any situation, ie remove him from the situation without creating a fuss and repeat this as many times as it takes for him to get the hint.
Incidentally I do have two cats, Riley's brother Lu is obviously the same age and is an absolute angel and quite honestly never does anything naughty. They were bought up in exactly the same way and receive the same amount of love and attention so it just goes to show that it's not learnt behaviour just that they are naturally naughty :naughty:
I wouldn't say no don't do that, no get out of there, just a loud NO! which is a sound which is a deterrent, said in a way to stop someone doing something - and no other words, then the cat will learn to associate the loud word with the behaviour, all my cats understand that no means NO, apart from dear old Schui who is deaf!
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I wouldn't say no don't do that, no get out of there, just a loud no! no other words then the cat will learn to associate the loud word with the behaviour.
Yep, I agree - I only ever used to say 'No' firmly on it's own without the 'stop it' 'get down' added on but he just seems to respond so much better to the 'uh uh uh' noise.
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I think the key is in saying 1 word in a tone which you don't normally use, whatever that word be.
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I have naughty kitten Franta at 15yrs old......sigh
He is partially deaf but does react to NOOOOOOOO Napoleon, which was his old name. Noit that this stops him for long. He has become obssive about being a permanent lap cat and my food. He will bite when he gets ignored and nipped my leg in the kitchen while iwas trying to make my dinner.
he thinks he comes first above everything else and will howl at me for attention.
I think that your cat may also be trying to make sure that you notice him more that that intruder on his patch, cos think thats part of it with Franta cos he wants more attention than Misa.....Franta was the intruder LOL
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Riley is a bit of a tearaway at times too :tired: He doesn't play aggresively but he's just into absolutely everything whether it concerns him or not :evillaugh:
Rather than tell him 'No' I now use a different word or rather sound in my case. No can be overused, how many times a day do you find yourself telling him 'No, don't do that' 'No, get of that' 'No biting'? Instead of saying No I make a sound which is like the sound you'd make to try and stop someone doing something - hard to describe but sort of 'uh, uh, uh'. This is really effective and he immediately knows he's done/doing/is about to do something wrong and he even makes the same 'uh uh uh' cackling noise back to me while looking at me sheepishly!
Also Nobo is still a baby really so is testing the boundaries, Riley is 20 months now and his beahviour is better than it used to be. I also used the supernanny method on him when it came to bedtime but I guess it could be used in any situation. He used to pester me and poke me constantly during the night so I would literally sit up, pick him up without engaging with him, say No firmly and place him at the bottom of the bed. I must have done this 80 odd times the first night and only a few less the next night but he got the message in the end and now he doesn't pester me at all, just snuggles down under the cover for a bed time cuddle before going to sleep. I guess this could be adapted to any situation, ie remove him from the situation without creating a fuss and repeat this as many times as it takes for him to get the hint.
Incidentally I do have two cats, Riley's brother Lu is obviously the same age and is an absolute angel and quite honestly never does anything naughty. They were bought up in exactly the same way and receive the same amount of love and attention so it just goes to show that it's not learnt behaviour just that they are naturally naughty :naughty:
I've tried Ah ah ah, No and even the hissss noise as I've heard that can work. Perhaps I need to stick to one!
Funnily enough he's stopped waking me up in the middle of the night, which he used to do all the time. I just ignored him or when it was really bad, I'd pick him up, saying nothing and just plop him outside the bedroom and shut the door.
I find it strange that he's just started acting this way. He wasn't too bad before I let him go outdoors. I thought being outdoors was meant to be good for them lol. I'm telling you, he's got in with a bad crowd. lol
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Helen thats really interesting as my Hubby makes a funny noise at the boys and they listen to him and behave but don't with me, Hubby says I am a soft touch!
Lynds the lemon didn't work for us, we must have the only cat who is interested in lemon, we also tried squirting Milo with water and he enjoyed that too!
lol....knowing my luck, Nobo will love lemons.
I've got a water gun next to my bed and I use this as a deterrent. It's got to the stage where he just sits and takes the squirting!!!
Perhaps I should go and buy a big Rottweiler :rofl: :rofl:
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I think the key is in saying 1 word in a tone which you don't normally use, whatever that word be.
I could think of a few choice words that I wouldn't say on here....lol
I think sometimes I do lose it too much as the other night I just started shouting and screaming. It's not like me at all, but he's been pushing me to the edge. I'm sure the men in white jackets will be after me soon. :shify:
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I have naughty kitten Franta at 15yrs old......sigh
He is partially deaf but does react to NOOOOOOOO Napoleon, which was his old name. Noit that this stops him for long. He has become obssive about being a permanent lap cat and my food. He will bite when he gets ignored and nipped my leg in the kitchen while iwas trying to make my dinner.
he thinks he comes first above everything else and will howl at me for attention.
I think that your cat may also be trying to make sure that you notice him more that that intruder on his patch, cos think thats part of it with Franta cos he wants more attention than Misa.....Franta was the intruder LOL
I'm glad to hear it's not just me then Gill, but depressed that it may go on for 15 years :-: :-: :-:
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He hasnt been with me very long........about 2 and half years I think.
He has only started doing this in last 2-3 months .........sigh
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He is partially deaf but does react to NOOOOOOOO Napoleon, which was his old name. Noit that this stops him for long. He has become obssive about being a permanent lap cat and my food. He will bite when he gets ignored and nipped my leg in the kitchen while iwas trying to make my dinner.
Gla to hear its not only my Birmans that had a taste for human flesh - Beavis nips an bare feet an as for Oscar......................well lets just say you REALLY had to shut the loo door when you went as he would nip anything overhanging the toilet seat! :shy:
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Afraid Ducha is the same and does this when he wants more of my pillow!
Maybe its a birman thing?
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I think it must be - its very very effective tho isnt it! :evillaugh:
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Yes :rofl: :rofl:
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Good advice already and I'd say you need to pick your 'no' word(s) or sounds, say them very assertively and back them up with physically removing him from doing the naughty thing. It works for me....after a fashion. :evillaugh:
Seeing parents in the supermarket failing to discipline their screeching brats, I can say that the assertive tone is probably the thing to work on. ;)
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Dont think you can :(
Misty used to be a right sod to Hamish, and I used to try and stop him (without physically separateing them)
here is the chronological method i used
started saying hoi! or no !
Misty would stop, but after a short while would ignore me
started shouting HOI! or NO!
Misty would stop, but after a short while would ignore me
started shouting HOI! and stamp my feet
Misty would stop, but after a short while would ignore me
Started shouting HOI! and get up and take two or three step's in Misty's direction
Misty would stop, but after a short while would ignore me
in the end I would have to physically break it up myself, I would do this only if Hamish was skirlling out with pain >:(
Most of the time Hamish looked after and defended Himself pretty well, but that would be when Misty would get Mad and start getting more
aggresive.
there is only one time I remember when I left them alone, because Hamish was kicking Misty's ass ( I couldn't do nothing for laughing :rofl:)
the picture tells it all :evillaugh: :evillaugh: :evillaugh:
(http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd228/culnara/misnhamfight.jpg)
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Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone and Stuart - what lovely artwork: a story well told! :rofl:
He's been evil again today, but I've done the Ah Ah Ah....he's still a wee crazy dude but I'll persevere.
I gave him his Da Bird fun and Izzy too; separately of course!
I'm now lying on my bed writing this and Nobo has crawled up to sprawl over my legs. He's being a mummy's boy tonight again, which is the first time in ages. The past few days has felt like he really hates me; just recently he seems so mad. He's usually so tactile but he's generally having none of it at the moment. Nobo has also been very clingy with my OH the past week or so. Perhaps he's just mad at me for something. Perhaps it's just a severe bout of jealousy over Izzy. I love them both so much but he's making the house a very unhappy home.
I swear he's going out of his way to do everything that's naughty. The funny thing is that this happened a couple of weeks ago too, then it just stopped. I thought it was a one off. Obviously not.
:'(
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With my Ragdolls I make a sort of loud SHHH noise and give them "the look". Then I click my fingers and point". If that doesn't work I clap my hands.
"what are you doing" I will say whilst some fluffy soul or two looks up at me with that naughty look.
Luckily with all my raggies that usually works.
Well.....when I'm around. :shify:
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I often do the loud clap too Phillip
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Well it's not great for me at the moment. Nobo attacked Izzy only he really hurt her this time. Her eye was swollen and she couldn't open it. I had to take her to the vet and thankfully there's no major damage. I spoke to the vet about Nobo's bullying and crazy behaviour and she has put them both on Zylkene, which is some natural anti-anxiety medicine. I've also separated them too.
I was shocked how quickly Izzy progressed. I'm talking a day here! One day with Nobo confined to the kitchen, dining room and the great outdoors she's started coming down the stairs and generally exploring the house. She even jumped onto the sofa and went for a sleep. It's not the Zylkene doing this as I had separated them the day before taking her to the vet, and the Zylkene won't really kick in for a good few days (that's if it works!) Nobo is throwing temper tantrums when in the kitchen etc and it's breaking my heart but what else can I do?
I swapped things round today and gave Nobo run of the house and kept Izzy in the master bedroom. Izzy was quite content there and Nobo came for Mum time most of the day. From the advice I've received via PM's, I should keep one of the cats in one area and slowly let them go in to other rooms etc, but I just can't do this right now as it's amazing to see Izzy exploring. I'm basically giving one half of the day to one cat with me and then swapping them over. Am I screwing this up? I move house in a few weeks and I''m stressed enough, without this on top of it. It's just not feasible to do the big separation when I'm trying to pack my life away in boxes etc. I don't want to re-home my Nobo and I'll try anything but I fear I'm doing it all wrong.
Sorry for the long winded rant, but I just needed to write my thoughts down.
Lynds :'(
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Hi,
1. I know this sounds harsh and not loving, and I don't want this to be misinterpreted - I AM A HUGE ANIMAL LOVER, but he is causing physical harm to your other kitty and this needs to stop immediately. Try this...
a. Pick him up by the scruff of the neck.
b. Spank his bottom, hard enough to let him know who is boss and that he has done wrong - BUT TOO HARD AS TO RISK INJURY.
c. Look him in the eye and tell him off extremely assertively like an Army Drill Sergeant.
d. Lock him up some where safe for an hour. If he kicks off again then repeat a. to d.
e. Firmly stick to this approach consistently each time if he seriously misbehaves. For minor offences use the Assertive voice.
f. When you let him out again talk to him in a normal calm rational voice, i.e. firm adult to adult but not angry, and explain what went wrong, why etc. He'll get the picture that he is not under threat but needs to behave in future.
g. Resume normal loving living, but don't let him get away with stuff and cause unhappiness
...as I said this may seem harsh but in the long run - it will be in his interest, other kitty’s interest and your interest.
2. What is a Da Bird?
Best regards & good luck,
Andy
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Well it's not great for me at the moment. Nobo attacked Izzy only he really hurt her this time.
I swapped things round today and gave Nobo run of the house and kept Izzy in the master bedroom. Izzy was quite content there and Nobo came for Mum time most of the day. From the advice I've received via PM's, I should keep one of the cats in one area and slowly let them go in to other rooms etc, but I just can't do this right now as it's amazing to see Izzy exploring. I'm basically giving one half of the day to one cat with me and then swapping them over. Am I screwing this up? I move house in a few weeks and I''m stressed enough, without this on top of it.
I think I'd continue doing the 'timeshare' thing you're doing now, especially as Izzy seems comfortable exploring. I would then only have them in the same room when you are able to keep your eye on them the whole time and are able to prevent any attack by Nobo before it starts, (i.e. distract with toys/food) but I wouldnt push the face to face intros too soon.
a. Pick him up by the scruff of the neck.
b. Spank his bottom, hard enough to let him know who is boss and that he has done wrong - BUT TOO HARD AS TO RISK INJURY.
I wouldnt do this, (I don't agree with spanking cats or picking them up by the scruff anyway) either to reprimand him for his naughty behaviour or with regard to the already very shakey relationship with Izzy, I think you would risk your relationship with him, and if you reprimand him like this if he attacks Izzy, he may just associate her with punishment and make him want to attack her even more.
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I think picking up a cat by the scruff could be painful, especially as some of mine would have our 5kg of body weight pulling down on them
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I use a loud clap with ours if they are doing anything wrong and it does seem to work but they are very chilled out cats. Have been babysitting a 6 month old kitten for a friend whilst she was on holiday. It was amazing how quickly my three took to her but she got a bit over excited a couple of times so I used the "time out" with her and put her in another room. It seemed to work. Good luck honey it must be heart breaking for you x
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I assume that was a joke Andy?
My vet says never to scruff a cat, especially a scared one cos it will make them worse.
My vet and now the other new ones there just do not scruff cats and interestingly the vet I had to take Sasa to before Christmas as an emergency, also did not do this and she bit him.
I think you have to stick with one way of doing things and not chop and change, its no point keep confusing them.
If I remember rightly Nobo was there first and you should not be sacrificing him for Izzy. He sounds like he really wants your attention and hates it when he doesnt get it. Izzy is a threat to him.
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I know Nobo is making your life a misery but I think Andy's system would just end up with an angry, resentful and fearful cat. How can you improve your bond with a cat if you treat them like that?? I just don't believe cats respond to punishment in the way that kids and dogs do. I wouldn't even do that to a horse. And I would never scruff a cat. It terrifies them and is very painful.
To "discipline" my lot I always use same words, same tone of voice, for each cat. With some of mine I've barely had to whisper "no" in a stern voice and they stop immediately. With others I have to bark out "NO!" or their name, to get their attention. You have to learn what works with each cat and stick with it. Follow it up by removing them from whatever they were about to do, possibly into another room for a few minutes to break the moment, then let them back in before they start wreaking havoc elsewhere, and repeat as necessary. My Mo was a b*gger for doing whatever he could to get attention, good or bad, but he did learn my warning "nooooo" or "Moseeeees" in a low tone, which made him think and pause, and then if he decided to go ahead anyway he got the loud "NO!", or "MOSES!" followed by me removing him from whatever he was about to do. It didn't always work, but it certainly improved things a lot. He hated being shut out so was usually fairly contrite when I let him back in, and had usually forgotten what it was he was about to do that got him into trouble.
Good luck. I really do sympathise. You're obviously a great mum to your lucky pusses, but he really is determined to push the boundaries!
PS - he may be responding to your stress over the impending house move. Just a thought.....
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I think picking up a cat by the scruff could be painful, especially as some of mine would have our 5kg of body weight pulling down on them
I agree. I was rather appalled when I read that.
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I thought I'd reply and let you know things have a got a lot worse. So much so that I've decided to foster Nobo until he finds a new forever home.
My nerves are shattered.
Last night was the worst attack to date. He clawed her face then climbed on top of her to force her down while he tried to rip chunks of fur off her. Thankfully my friend was there to help pull him off her. When I finally found her, she was beyond frightened, had a bloody face and had peed herself through fear.
I cannot take this anymore. I've cried all day over giving my baby boy up as he's the best cat in the world, but only when she's completely out of the picture.
They have been separated for over a week now and it has made things worse. I take shots at keeping one of them confined to the big kitchen and separate dining room, but it doesn't matter what I do, he turns crazy to get at her (even if he has full run of the house while she is shut in). He's now quickly learned how to open doors and I have to use a chair to wedge the door shut so the handle cannot move. This is no way to live, especially with my job being as busy as it is. Thankfully I've been home office for the last 3 months to deal with this but my next bout of business trips start in two weeks.
I never ever thought that I'd have to give a cat up, but I really can't take this anymore.
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Aw, Lynds, so sorry for you. What an awful time you have been having and what a tough decision to have to make. But you know you have tried your best and that it will be for the best for both your kitties in the long run.
I know Nobo is making your life a misery but I think Andy's system would just end up with an angry, resentful and fearful cat. How can you improve your bond with a cat if you treat them like that?? I just don't believe cats respond to punishment in the way that kids and dogs do. I wouldn't even do that to a horse. And I would never scruff a cat. It terrifies them and is very painful.
How sad lilynmitz that although you dont agree with using smacking for cats and horses (and quite rightly) you seem to agree with it for dogs? Punishment is just as wrong for dogs as it is for cats. I hope I have misunderstood what you have said and you arent really advocating smacking dogs....
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Sorry to hear things are no better, must be heartbraking for you to have come to the decision to rehome :hug:
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Scruff or spank their bottom!!!!????
I would never in a million years do that to an animal - a child maybe ! :rofl: :rofl:
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:hug: that's sad, but I agree it may be for the best, probably he would be better as an only cat?
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Lynds,
I’m very sorry and sad to hear that you are in the process of re-homing Nobo. I can only imagine that this has been the hardest decision you have ever had to make. My heart goes out to both You & Nobo.
With regard to my previous post, I was not joking. With the exception of murder, Nobo has committed the most serious act of GBH. I believe that this is as an extreme case where one cat needs Guidance, the other cat needs Security and both need tonnes of Love + Reassurance. That said this is only my armature opinion.
We here are on the Internet are neither professionals nor specialists; we are simply a bunch of well meaning animal lovers. This means you will get lots of loves and support but not always the best technical advice. Unless you have already re-homed Nobo then I urge you to employ a professional specialist. Talk to your vet about animal psychologists and trainers.
Furthermore, because this issue is complicated and not clear-cut you will get a difference of opinion. I therefore recommend that you employ at least 3 reputable professional specialists and make decisions based on a conscientious of opinion.
There is hope. Whilst searching for Gizmo, I found Judo a 3 month old Tom dumped in the woods. 3 weeks ago he was a Savage & and very scared. Today he is still a bit twitchy but is helping me to write this email by jumping on the keyboard and chewing my arm ;0)
Please give it a go. You have nothing to lose and Nobo has even less.
Stay strong, Good luck, Lots of Love & Big hugs for all of you
Andy
PS. Please keep me informed and feel free to PM me.
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In answer to the question
WITH A BIG STICK
:evillaugh: :rofl:
Oh incase you don't know me I'd better add that I'm joking lol.
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Well it looks like I've found my Nobo a home already. They sound perfect. Mum, Dad and two girls (Nobo is great with kids). They had their last cats for 14 and 15 years respectively and love moggies. I was on the phone to her for an hour last night and I ended up in tears to the women. She said I could visit anytime if they take him, but realistically I won't visit as it would be too painful, but it's nice that they offered.
They are coming over to my house at the weekend and then I'm going to theirs to check it all out. It sounds ideal though. They have a front and back door, nice secluded garden with lots of trees; quite a bit away from the main road etc.
She started asking me what he likes to eat, his personality and all the things a cat lover should ask.
I know I should be delighted that I may well have found the perfect home but I feel sick as it's all very real now.
I can't get out my bed today as I feel so low and can't stop crying. At least I'm home office today and can sit with the laptop, working away. I feel like I've failed him and that he will think I don't want him, which couldn't be further from the truth. Funny how we think our wee moggies can be capable of such thoughts when the truth is, he'll be fine. It's me that won't.
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:grouphug:
You know deep down that you are doing the right thing for him, even if that means putting yourself through the pain of having to let him go :hug:
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Indeed Helen, but it makes me feel like pond scum just doing this.
I've posted in the re-homing section in the hope someone will help me there.
Lynds
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:hug:
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How is it going withe people you found a few days ago?
Regards
Andy
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They were a complete waste of time Andy.
She hadn't spoken to her husband about getting another cat and I did say to her that she should have before talking to me, or anyone else for that matter.
It left me very deflated.
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OK, sounds like they were were a bunch of :censored: censored grapes :censored:,
1. Have you concidered what I said about professional help?
2. How have they been behaving over the past 2 days?
regards
Andy
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Yes they were lol..
She's still the same. Each time she sees him, she runs a mile - he chases. Sometimes she'll sit next to me on the bed and he'll come in but she won't run as she feels safe with me, but he'll still jump on her from the floor. The attacks are more frequent and intense now. I've tried separating them but Nobo learned how to open doors and I had to put a bolt on the kitchen door! It's just chaos and I'd do anything for it to work, but I also have a very busy job that has me travel the world (on average one big trip every 8-10 weeks) and I can't leave this mess with my mum and dad etc.
Izzy is such a social wee thing with other cats (scared sh*tless of humans, except me now) and wants nothing more than for him to like her. He's having none of it.
I wish someone had a magic wand.
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Hi Lynds,
1. HAVE YOU CONCIDERED MY PREVIOUS ADVICE ABOUT SEEKING PROFESSIONAL ADVICE?
2. Please confirm, Nobo was the original and Izzy was to be a playmate for Nobo?
3.
a. He's playing aggressively with me and my OH.
b. He seems to do things just to spite me. He screams to get out then screams to get in.
c. He crawls all over us to eat our food while we eat.
In my opinion, this cat wants attention and lots of it.
4. Going back to my other “Previous” “Previous” post, in reaction to his behaviour what is the most extreme punishment that you have administered?
Regards
Andy
PS. Speaking of attention, Judo is sat on my belly and biting my hands as I type :rofl:
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You never punish a cat!
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Why has this guy Andy - got a thing about "punishing " cats ????
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Andy I appreciate your help but I really would never punish a cat. He's been given a firm no, with a little tap on the nose and then put in the kitchen and dining room area to have some "time out".
Lynds
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Look, I don't like punishing or disciplining people or animals – but there is a line. This poor women is having to medically treat one cat because her other cat assaulted it. If you came home and found your child had assaulted your other child to the extent that it needed surgery what would you do? At this point all your “No”, “Awe no”, “Don’t do that” is about as effective as firing ping pong balls out of a cannon – I.E. A WASTE OF TIME.
WHAT I HAVE ASKED HER TO DO IS…
A. NOT FOLLOW MY PREVIOUS AMATUTURE ADVICE.
B. SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
I SEE NO PROBLEM WITH THIS, DO YOU?
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Andy I appreciate your help but I really would never punish a cat. He's been given a firm no, with a little tap on the nose and then put in the kitchen and dining room area to have some "time out".
Lynds, I'm not telling you to punish the cat or follow my advice, just pick the phone up and speak to a professional specialist in cat/pet psychology.
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So I've kept quiet, but I'm annoyed now :-:
There is no comparison between disciplining a child and an animal. The cat did not "assault" the other cat, since assault is an act of violence towards another person. I am seriously disturbed about this advice of "punishing" poor Nobo.
Poor Nobo needs his thought processes and behaviour changed, not a spank on the bottom :(
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Ok, my blood is now boiling >:(
1. Read my latest posts very CAREFULLY. I am advocating that Lynds seeks PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR BEHAVIOURAL PROBLEMS - NOTHING ELSE.
2. “There is no comparison between disciplining a child and an animal”. REALLY? I always thought of animals as children with less intelligence. Before you poo poo this notion show me one animal as intelligent as Einstein, Newton or Hawkings.
3. "The cat did not "assault" the other cat, since assault is an act of violence towards another person" – THIS DEPENDS ON YOUR DEFINITION OF ASSAULT. WHAT IF A HUMAN INFLICTED INJURY ON AN ANIMAL – WOULD THAT NOT BE ASSAULT?
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No it would not be an assault as assault is person to person whether physical or verbal. It does not relate to animals .. that is cruelty or abuse.
Animals are certainly not children with less intelligence, they are animals. You cannot treat a cat like a dog, a dog like a cat or either like a child, it doesn't work. An animal cannot rationalise like a child.
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Ok, what's your advice then?
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I agree, specialist behavioural advice is the answer, from a well known established behaviourist but not someone just picked from internet cos someone on here did that and found them to be seriously ungood!
I believe that a few here can recommend Vicky Hall but do not know how much she charges.
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This is getting a bit heated now so can everyone please calm down.
Andy - you are completely right in that we are all amateurs and can only advise based on our own exeriences. We cannot force others to follow our advice, however. I'm sure Lynds has read your posts - there is no need to keep repeating yourself.
Lynds - I am really sorry you find yourself in this situation. Unfortunately, you can't force cats to get on with each other and sometimes the kindest thing is to rehome a cat, rather than allowing a situation in which one or more cats are suffering. Cats who behave in this way are not being naughty - they are behaving in a natural way with others of the their species. In this sort of situation, modifying the behaviour is necessary, but that cannot always be done. I certainly don't think punishing the cat will make any difference at all. Cats don't resond to punishment per se since they are not pack animals and do not respect others in their pack, as dogs do. They only modify their behaviour when it is advantageous to themselves to do so.
I do think the advice to get help from a behaviourist is good, but I would advise you to get a referral from your vet. Any behaviour specialist that is a member of a reputable organisation, such as the association of pet behaviour counsellors, will only accept cases that have been referred by a vet. If you have pet insurance, a consultation with a behaviourist will probably be covered.
http://www.apbc.org.uk/vet.htm
I agree, specialist behavioural advice is the answer, from a well known established behaviourist but not someone just picked from internet cos someone on here did that and found them to be seriously ungood!
I believe that a few here can recommend Vicky Hall but do not know how much she charges.
I agree with everything you say except for the well known bit, Gill! Being well known doesn't make someone a better behaviourist than someone who is not well known. Think of a human comparison - if you were looking for a specialist doctor, would you seek out someone who was well known or would you just want someone good? Incidentally, Vicky Halls is a member of the APBC so would only accept a case that was referred to her by a vet.
I hope you manage to resolve this, Lynds, whether it be by rehoming Nobo or by getting specialist help from a behaviourist.
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Basically I agree with you Susanne but what I am trying to say is dont pick on someone from the web cos they have a good site or have given themselves a big write up cos you could end up paying out loads and getting no proper advice.
Someone on Purrs did this and then had to start again.
So what I think I am trying to say is that you need someone who is recommended to you.
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Basically I agree with you Susanne but what I am trying to say is dont pick on someone from the web cos they have a good site or have given themselves a big write up cos you could end up paying out loads and getting no proper advice.
Someone on Purrs did this and then had to start again.
So what I think I am trying to say is that you need someone who is recommended to you.
Point taken! I'd go further and say dont' just go for someone recommended, but only go for someone referred by a vet and who is a member of the apbc or the other large organisation (forget the name! there are basically 2 bodies with which behaviourists are generally registered)
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2. “There is no comparison between disciplining a child and an animal”. REALLY? I always thought of animals as children with less intelligence. Before you poo poo this notion show me one animal as intelligent as Einstein, Newton or Hawkings.
I haven't read all this topic and will do so later. But with regards to the statement above: regardless of how much we love our cats or any other animal they aren't human. They have a completely different perspective and thought process to us and it shows in a lot of their behaviour.
I agree consulting a behaviouralist wouldn't hurt, but I'm not sure punishment is constructive. Just my opinion.
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HI Hun a long read but good info from Celia Haddon -http://www.celiahaddon.co.uk/
NOTES ON INTER CAT CONFLICT
Cats maintain social harmony by maintaining distance. They can prevent aggression in this way. There are go away signals such as staring, spraying etc. Most cats will spread themselves round an area with careful distances between each other. Within large groups there are often smaller family groups so a colony of 10 cats is really two groups of three and one of four.
Because they are not pack animals, they do not have the many appeasement signals used by dogs. Therefore aggression can become serious very rapidly. There are no signals to slow down aggression. Thus keeping a safe distance is vital. Scent messages help define territory or reveal who is passing by and when. Domestic cat groups are dysfunctional by their nature. There are no kittens to rear (feral groups sometimes share kitten nursing). They are usually not related, ie not a family group. They gender is mixed - ie they are not a group of related females, as they would be in a feral cat colony. The actual territory is imposed upon them, rather than chosen by them - ie an indoor group may not have enough safe distance or the territory may be unclear because of the cat flap in intruding strange cats.
Moreover rescue cats may have had different genes (ie be naturally more or naturally less sociable) and different upbringings (which also affects sociability). Domestic cats vary in shape and colour - unlike cats in the wild - thus making recognition less easy. Finally neutering affects faeces and urine odours and probably flank odours so that the smells are not natural.
There may be too many cats in one house - more than five makes conflict much more likely. And there may be too many cats outside. Suburbs often have a lot of pet cats. There is competition for latrine areas and sometimes competition for food (neighbouring cats raid through the cat flap or visa versa). Bullying and intimidation may occur without fighting.
The home environment may not be suitable. There may not be enough litter trays (one for each cat and one over). They may be sited so that one cat can be ambushed by another - they should be sited in different locations. There may not be enough feeding locations. Cats don't enjoy eating close to one another and if their relationship is bad, it's stressful for them.
There may be not enough beds (more than one per cat) or not enough safe high places to hide. High places reassure cats better than low ones. Slippery floors or unsuitable location of cat beds don't help.
Cats that have lived together happily, can sometimes have a breakdown in their relationship. Sometimes an outside intruder (another cat, a dog, or a fox) frightens the cats so much they they turn their anger on each other.
If the cats are indoor cats, they may see the intruder through the window and then attack each other. Group dynamics can also change when a new cat joins the household. Or when a mother cat starts chasing away a grown-up kitten. Or when a cat is pregnant or nursing kittens. Or even when two cats are housed separately in a cattery and then brought back together again. Sometimes time (ie pregnancy is over etc) will put this right.
Sometimes the cause is smell. Cats identify friend and foe by smell rather than by sight - this makes sense to a twilight hunter. Friends smell of each other and of the home territory. This is produced by rubbing on each other or by grooming. Cats rub on humans to mix scents.
One cat is taken to the vet and comes home smelling of the vet and is therefore identified as a foe. Or one cat goes out and gets a different smell on it (ie like horse manure) and comes home smelling like an unfamiliar enemy.
The major difficulty is that cats don't have a range of appeasement behaviours like dogs do. Within a group (pack) of dogs there are many ways the subordinate dog can deflect aggression or just make up to the top dog - submissive urination, rolling over, etc.
But with cats, if they have failed to prevent aggression, there is no way to turn if off. Once a fight has taken place, then both cats are more likely to fight a second time. So it is VITAL to act as soon as possible to make the cats feel better. Do not let bad feeling develop.
Aggressive play can take place which looks bad but isn't too serious. Ie. play attacking with some hissing and loose fur. But sometimes the victim cat ends up terrified, and permanently unhappy. The severity of the aggression must be judged by the unhappiness of the victim.
IS THE VICTIM SUFFERING?
1. Does the victim need veterinary treatment?
2. Are there wounds -- bitten ears, broken skin, blood etc?
3. Is one cat spending less time in the house because it is afraid to enter?
4. Is the victim spending its time hiding somewhere like under the bed?
5. Is the victim no longer grooming itself?
6. Is the victim too frightened to eat when the other cat is in the same area?
7. Is the victim too fearful to use the litter tray?
8. Is the victim no longer willing to approach you, because of fear of being attacked by the other.
9. Do you come back into the house to see signs of conflict?
10. Is the aggressor patrolling an area of the house so that the victim only has a small area of living space?
If you answer yes to any of these questions, this is serious aggression. If it has access to out doors the victim will soon leave home. My own feeling is that if you answer yes to more than three questions, you must rehome one of the cats. The victim is leading a life of almost constant fear. It is just not fair on the victim to expect it to live in this way. It is selfish to let this state of affairs continue.
METHODS OF IMPROVING A RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS NOT TOO BAD.
1. Do not punish them when fighting. If you do, they will associate the other cat with the fear and pain of punishment. Ignore minor scuffles, because otherwise they will stage fights to get your attention or wake you up in the morning! (I know this one!!). Never force them to be close.
2. Reduce competition. Make sure there are plenty of cat beds, scratching posts, a litter tray for each cat AND one extra, lots of feeding bowls in different locations and lots of water bowls in different locations. If the cats live in separate territories within the house, make sure there are litter trays and feeding bowls in both areas.
3. Get each cat to associate the scent of the other with nice things like treats. Wash your hands, then stroke cat A round the chin and cheek area (where the scent glands are). Then stroke this scent on to the cat B, meanwhile feeding it a treat. Then visa versa. The idea is that both cats associate the scent of the other with nice food.
4. If the cats have separate sleeping areas, swap bedding from one to another.
5. If there is an area you wish them to share (like the bed), call them to this area and give them treats only when they are both in the area and close to each other.
6. Give them titbits at times when you see them sharing a sofa or a windowsill etc. The idea is to reward them for closeness.
7. If they are indoor cats, or both spend a lot of time in one room, install a Feliway Diffuser which will make the general atmosphere more relaxing. Relaxed cats are less aggressive.
8. Guard against intruders or frightening wildlife by blocking off the sight of these, closing the cat flap permanently, or installing a magnetic cat flap so only the household cats can use it. This is important, because if the cats are attacking each other because of intruders/wildlife this will often end up in a genuinely bad relationship between them.
9. If a vet's visit triggered the aggression, take both cats to the vet's surgery just for a trip and make sure vet smells are wiped over both. (Explain this to your vet!). I have come across one pair of cats, where this put back the old loving relationship! Next vet visit make sure both cats are taken even if only one is sick.
10. Make sure there are plenty of hidey holes - cardboard boxes with holes are cheap - where cats can retreat if ambushed. Put in high shelves to cats to retreat to and look down from. Make sure routes to food or litter trays have these retreat areas so that a cat isn't ambushed on a piece of open ground. This can be done in the garden too. Lots of scratching posts.
ACCEPT A DISTANT RELATIONSHIP
Cats can sometimes work out a relationship which is remote but not abusive. They may live in different parts of the house, or in different rooms, with separate litter trays. If this is an acceptable relationship to them, and neither cat seems to be suffering, then it should be acceptable to you. Accept their decision.
SETTING UP SEPARATE AREAS. Here are some ideas.
1. Put a cat flap in the garage, install bed etc. and make one of the cats an outdoor cat. If the situation has been caused by taking a stray into the house, this will be a sensible solution. The stray is homed but out of doors. Separate living arrangements may not be a humane solution. It depends on the circumstances. Forcing a pampered cat to live in the garage, for instance, would be cruel, but it would not be cruel to let a stray (used to living rough) become the garage cat.
2. For cats that are used to collars… Install a magnetic cat flap into the airing cupboard/wardrobe/spare room. Let the victim have a bolt hole to itself. Install bedding and litter tray there. This will only work if the aggression is not too severe. If it is severe, the poor cat may simply live in the cupboard all the time.
3. Keep cats in separate areas with separate cat flaps. To be fair, you will have to divide your time between the two areas. Work out a timeshare arrangement in the garden so that one lot of cats is never out there when the other is.
4. Stop hassling during meals. Feed the bullied cat inside an upturned stout cardboard box, with a hole made in it. This prevents the bully cat from shouldering the bullied one out or staring menacingly. REHOMING This may cause you pain and suffering but may be the only way to relieve the pain and suffering of the victim cat. Truly caring owners should be prepared to do this. In the UK the Cats Protection are a good rescue shelter. Before handing over the cat make inquiries about their euthanasia policy. Find a neighbour who will take the cat on. Some cats truly blossom when they live alone.
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I dont have a problem with scruffing a cat, it can prevent injury to cat and handler so if its done in the right way then im ok with it, but to scruff and spank is ridiculous, cat behaviour is complicated and cats dont understand physical discipline :Crazy:
I hope any guests reading this thread dont take such comments on board :scared:
Lynds has made the difficult decision to rehome which i think is the right one, the cats were mismatched from day one so it would take some pretty micraculous behaviourial adjustment to sort it out.
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Really good information Tan :)
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Thanks Tan.
I can honestly say it's gone beyond behavioural therapy. The last bad attack resulted in Izzy peeing herself. Tonight he decided to attack her mid poo and I had to clean her afterwards - it was everywhere. They have separate litter trays and eating areas but he managed to get out. I spent most of my days crying; it's not good for any of us.
Nobo is the best cat in the world, but not around Izzy.
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This is so sad. I really hope Nobo can be found a home soon. It's so stressful for you all.
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Nobo is the best cat in the world, but not around Izzy.
Sorry Lynds but I've got to ask - if Nobo is as described above and he was with you first, why is he getting re-homed or fostered and not Izzy? :-: Sorry but I've been wanting to ask that for a while.
C.
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I thought Nobo was the newcomer, is that not right?
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Nobo is the best cat in the world, but not around Izzy.
Sorry Lynds but I've got to ask - if Nobo is as described above and he was with you first, why is he getting re-homed or fostered and not Izzy? :-: Sorry but I've been wanting to ask that for a while.
C.
It's a good question and I pondered over which cat to lose over and over again. The deciding factor came down to the fact that Nobo is so laid back with everyone he meets. He's very good with strangers and children alike.
Izzy is extremely nervous and I'm her first human "owner". It's taken me three months to get her to trust me and it's been a lot of hard work. She won't go near anyone else and frightened of her own shadow, never mind children.
Nobo will recover fine through this, I fear Izzy will not. I also don't think Izzy is as desirable as Nobo due to her very nervous disposition.
I got them 6 days apart, so it's not as though Nobo has been around for months or years.
I hope this answers your question.
Lynds
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Yep. 6 days apart is near enough as makes no difference. Thanks.
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having spoken to Lynds myself I would like to add that she has not taken this decision lightly. She has thought about the pro's and con's and is trying to do her best by both of her cats that she loves dearly. We have offered our help to Lynds should she decide to take it and we understand how difficult a decision this is for her. :hug: I very much doubt that any of us would relish the thought of giving up one of our little furbabes but if it is the best thing for the cat in question then surely that is better than struggling on and living in WW3!!?? :scared:
As always, what does become apparent is that there is always more to a scenario than we perhaps see from the cliff notes version on here. Please bear that in mind. ;)
Andy - If someone has not specifically answered your post it doesn't mean they have ignored you. I'm sure you will agree that LYnds is going through a difficult time and has a lot on her mind. Please also remember that posts don't always come across as we perhaps mean them could we have been able to say the words orally and certain wording can come across as antagonistic. I'm sure that Lynds has taken on board your comments the first time however.
With regards to scruffing a cat. Yes this can be done so long as a) you know what you are doing and scruff the cat properly b) you always support the weight of the cat by holding the back end. NEVER let an adult cat dangle on a scruff as you risk injury to the cat. As for smacking a cat as you would a child.... I'm not even going to go there!
Lynds, yes take on board everyone's comments but keep a level head. You know what is best for your situation and as I said to you on the phone yesterday we are happy to help you in any way we can.
:hug: :hug:
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it comes across very clearly I think that Lynds has agonised over this - I hope you are able to restore peace to her home and get Nobo a place of his own
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Thanks Sarah.
Each day I think I'm making the wrong decision then Nobo seems to excel in making Izzy's life hell again. Last night he managed to escape and attack her mid poo. The end result was Izzy bolting and smeared in her own poo. The carpets were covered in it too as she tried to run away.
This is the worst decision I've ever had to make and it's very emotional. Sometimes I worry I'll resent Izzy for me losing Nobo. Perhaps that last statement was a little too honest for this forum but if you can't talk about how you feel about a decision like this on here, then I'm definitely lost.
Talking to Sarah was extremely helpful - thank you Sarah. I will definitely take you up on your offer and come up to see you.
My mum has been in tears over this decision for weeks, as has dad and myself (we're all crazy cat lovers). Even my OH who's not a pet lover (he's neither up or down about pets) has been incredibly upset over Nobo as he's now his "daddy". I never thought I'd hear Greg say that about Nobo! So I can assure everyone this decision to re-home Nobo is tearing us all up inside. I just wanted some cats of my own. I just wanted to help save a couple of moggies and give them copious amounts of love and attention. I just wish I'd dealt with someone like Sarah from the outset.
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sometimes it just doesn't work - being able to accept that and deal with it is part of being a good owner :hug:
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:hug: :hug: :hug:
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I too hope you get yourself and the cats sorted. Sorry if my last question upset you, it had just been nagging away until I had to ask but I do appreciate that you are in an impossible situation and are trying to do the best for your cats. When I had had Dot for about 6 months, I tried to introduce another adult female MC from the same breeder. The cats did not get on whatsoever - Dot made it very clear that she wanted to be an "only" and Eva smacked her around almost constantly, even attacking her mid-poo, as Nobo did. I gave both of them every chance but in the end, Eva had to go back. I know how upsetting it is for you and I am sure that whatever you decide will be for the best.
C.
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I too hope you get yourself and the cats sorted. Sorry if my last question upset you, it had just been nagging away until I had to ask but I do appreciate that you are in an impossible situation and are trying to do the best for your cats. When I had had Dot for about 6 months, I tried to introduce another adult female MC from the same breeder. The cats did not get on whatsoever - Dot made it very clear that she wanted to be an "only" and Eva smacked her around almost constantly, even attacking her mid-poo, as Nobo did. I gave both of them every chance but in the end, Eva had to go back. I know how upsetting it is for you and I am sure that whatever you decide will be for the best.
C.
No, your question didn't upset me at all. I was glad to answer it. I have worried about this for months now and made myself rather ill over it so your question was fine. :Luv:
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sometimes it just doesn't work - being able to accept that and deal with it is part of being a good owner :hug:
Agreed.
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I would llike to add my support for any decision to rehome Nobo. What matters is that both the cats are happy. I do not think Nobo is happy at the moment, or he would not be attacking Izzy amd obviously Izzy is deeply traumatised by the attacks. Nobo will doubtless get a wonderful home (I know Lynds will see to that) and adapt remarkably quickly. Izzy will recover with Lynds and her family looking after her. It is best that Nobo and Izzy make two different families happy rather than, by this unfortunate mismatch, make one family, and themselves, deeply unhappy.
I hope that I would have the courage to rehome one of my cats if that was in the best interest of all four.
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Nobo is gone.
I took him to Sarah's (madkittyrescue) on Thursday and sobbed all the way home.
It's so quiet without him and I miss him more than I thought was possible.
It's like there's a huge hole in my heart. Sarah tells me he's doing great there so clearly Nobo is adjusting more than I am. As long as he's happy and ok.
:( :( :(
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:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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:hug:
I think you've done the right thing although it must be breaking your heart right now. You put your cats and their happiness before your own and that is what any loving cat owner slave aims to do :hug:
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Yes I'm sure you are right but I wish I felt better for doing it.
:'(
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:grouphug:
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Nobo is doing well Lyndsey and it is natural to feel upset as you do. YOu gave both him and Izzy all of your love unconditionally and through no fault of your own they were just incompatible :hug:
Try to look on the positive responses you are getting in Izzy at the moment and I will keep you updated on Nobo's progress. He is such a wee star and we will find a very special home for him I promise! :Luv2: :hug:
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:hug: Lyndsey Nobo sounds to be doing really well and just think that you've done the best thing for him xx
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:care: For Lynds.
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:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Thanks for the support and hugs everyone. It's very much appreciated.
I still keep going to shout on Nobo and then realise he's gone, then I feel quite sick. I miss kissing his the wee pads on his feet and getting big hugs from him.
Izzy is doing remarkably well. She no longer goes out for hours and hours, instead she's back within 90 mins or so. I guess she has nothing keeping her away from home. It's going to take her a long time to get over it, however she is moving around the house more, albeit with the tail down in slink mode and ready for potential battle - the wee soul.
Sarah's updates are great and it's nice to know he's coping far better than me.
Lyndsey xx
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I've been following your story from the beginning. Didn't have any advice, but I think you are very brave and have dealt with the situation in the right way. :hug:
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I've been following your story from the beginning. Didn't have any advice, but I think you are very brave and have dealt with the situation in the right way. :hug:
Thanks Psychopunk.
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I agree with psychopunk here too :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Cats are amazing aren't they, that's why we love them, all of them, even the really 'bad' ones - they've all got something special which hangs on to our hearts. I hope you can take heart from the fact that Nobo appears to coping admirably and that as he's such an appealing cat in so many ways, he'll find a great home really soon.
You know my story so you know that I know just how you feel - I'm with you all the way.
Hang in there Lynds and Izzy! x
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Cats are amazing aren't they, that's why we love them, all of them, even the really 'bad' ones - they've all got something special which hangs on to our hearts. I hope you can take heart from the fact that Nobo appears to coping admirably and that as he's such an appealing cat in so many ways, he'll find a great home really soon.
You know my story so you know that I know just how you feel - I'm with you all the way.
Hang in there Lynds and Izzy! x
Hey, Sarah found him a home this week and he's settling in really well - typical Nobo really. I still find it very hard and talk about him all the time. I hope I learn to cope with it all a little better. Meanwhile Nobo is happy being him.
:) x
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That's such great news for Nobo! I knew it wouldn't take long. And for you too, even though I know it will take a while to sink in.
Take it from me, it's much easier to know that they're somewhere safe and comfy and getting good care.
I know it's hard - I had got so excited about getting Taz and had told all my friends and relations - was really tough to admit defeat and that I'd had to find her a new home. Serves me right to a certain extent I suppose, but how can you not get excited about new furry pals! To be fair, my friends and family were really supportive. I hope yours have been too.
It will get easier to have happy memories of his time with you in time.
:hug: