Purrs In Our Hearts - Cat Forum UK

In Loving Memory Cats => Rainbow Bridge - In Loving Memory => Topic started by: caledonia on December 27, 2007, 20:13:10 PM

Title: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on December 27, 2007, 20:13:10 PM: Hello all, I am new to Purrs in our heart and just wanted to say hello and I am so glad I found this site - I am finding it quite comforting to know I am not only the only one devastated by the loss of my beloved companion.

Bertie was put to rest on sunday and it all came as a bit of a shock. The Vets still do not know what was wrong with him other than Anemia which they have explained must have been a sympton of something else. He had been at the vets four times in the last two weeks and on friday they said if he did not start eating soon there was little they could do. He was 4.1 KG at that point. In 2006 he had exactly the same problem and dropped to 3.8 KG and they told me to expect the worst and explained they could only provide pallative care - then out of the blue after a dose of Valium he pulled out of it and has been fine for nearly two years. They put it down to being a virus and explained sometimes orientals can be fussy! So when it started up again I was not too worried. I thought he would be ok. Then on Friday when they said there was little they could do again I thought he would be ok - even though the valium did not work. However over the weekend he rapidly deterioated and then was admitted to the emergency vets. They decided to take him in overnight and try and build him up. He was not eating or drinking and my attempts at Syringe feeding had not went down well (this had been at the suggestion of my friend not the vet!). Then I got a phone call to say his blood tests were not good and his cell count had dropped to 7 - which I only knew to mean bad!! Anyway sorry to go on but the vet then said they could try overnight to help him which I wanted because I think I went into a state of shock. However on speaking to my friend and then the vet again who explained he could die overnight, I decided to PTS. The Vet was lovely and told me this was the right decision but I can't help but feel guilty. Guilty that they did not have his medical history and maybe they would have thought different, guilty that I didn't push my normal vet - why did they not want to admit him at any point!, guilty I did not act sooner, guilty he was not at home, just plain guilty. I know it will pass and this is normal but this was my first cat and it has all just thrown me for six!!

I know that I was lucky to have him and lucky that he was in the rescue the day I went. He was the most gorgeous cat I ever saw and it was love at first sight! I will never forget him and hope he won't forget me at the rainbow bridge since I only had him 3 of his nearly ten years!!

My wee man

:thanks:

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Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Tiggy's Mum on December 27, 2007, 20:17:41 PM: Sorry you've found us under such sad circumstances :hug: Bertie was gorgeous - he'll be safe and sound at the Bridge by now waiting for you until you are ready to collect him xx

The Greatest Gift

I always knew this time would come,
From the very instant our eyes first met.
How I loved you then! How I love you now!
I made a promise then, and I will keep that promise now...
You will not suffer from a pain that will not heal;
You will not know the loss of a life remembered, now gone.

It is for me alone to make this decision,
The price for the bright joy and pure laughter
You brought me during the time we shared.
I am the only one who can decide when it is time.
When my hope dies, and my fear rides high,
Just when I need you most, I must let you go.

It is for you alone to tell me when you are ready
For without your guidance, I will not know
When to lay my grief, my guilt, my anger
My sorrow and my selfish heart aside
And give you this last gift, this greatest gift.
Your eyes will speak to mine, and I will know.

The pain of this moment is excruciating.
Tears stream down my face in a river of sorrow.
And my heart drowns in a pool of grief.
For you have spoken and I have listened,
And unlike other decisions I have made
This one brings no relief...no comfort...no peace.

For if there´s one thing you´ve taught me,
If there´s only one thing I´ve learned...
Unconditional love has a condition after all,
I must be willing to let you go, when you speak to me
I must be willing to help you go, if you cannot go alone.
And I must accept my pain so you can be free of yours.

Go easily now, go quickly now,
Do not linger here, it is time for you to leave.
Go find your strength, go find your youth.
Go find the ones who've gone before you.
You are free to leave me now, free to let your spirit soar
Rest easy now, your pain will soon be gone.

I pray I will find comfort in my memories...
In the dark and lonely days ahead.
I cannot say I will not miss you, I cannot say I will not cry.
For only my tears can heal my broken heart.
But, I promise you this; as long as I live,
You will live, alive in my mind, forever in my heart.

So I give you this last gift, all I have left to give,
And this will be my greatest gift...sending you away.
It is the measure of my unconditional love...
For only the greatest love can say,
"Good-bye, go find the bridge, we'll meet again,
Loving you has been the greatest gift of all."

Forever and Always... Until Rainbow bridge....
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gill (sneakiefeline) on December 27, 2007, 20:17:54 PM: Do not feel guilty cos you did everything you could :hug: :hug:

He sounds a lovely boy and you did the kindest thing for him at the end. Its so hard to lose your best friend and hole it leaves in your heart and house is unbearable. With lots of time it gets slowly easier but it never goes away.

RIP Bertie
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on December 27, 2007, 20:23:16 PM: Thank you ladies and thank you for the poem Helen, that is really lovely - although it makes my cry more but they are half happy tears ! :(
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gwen on December 27, 2007, 20:23:29 PM: Sorry to hear about Bertie :'(

We all feel guilty but deep down we know it was the best and the greatest gift we could give them,to be free from pain :hug:

RIP little one :'(
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: lucy on December 27, 2007, 21:20:18 PM: So sorry - you did the best you could for him. :hug:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Stuart on December 27, 2007, 22:24:06 PM: :RIP: Bertie

(http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd228/culnara/IHaventLeft.jpg)
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gwen on December 27, 2007, 22:40:38 PM: Stuart that poem is beautiful :Luv:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Stuart on December 27, 2007, 22:46:37 PM: It get's to me every time I read it :'(
but It is very deep & meaningful :Luv:

if you save it to your pc it can be shown as actual size
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Yvonne on December 28, 2007, 13:53:51 PM: So sorry to hear about Bertie,

I know exactly what you are going through:

I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path that has been laid you see.

I took the hand when I heard the call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To run, to love, to meow or play.
things left undone must stay that way.

I found that peace at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void, then fill
it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savoured much.
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
The Bridge wanted me now and set me free!

Go and make friends at the Bridge Bertie - run free and be happy, until you meet again

:RIP: :candle: :RIP: :candle:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Ralph's mum (angie) on December 28, 2007, 14:09:29 PM: Hi sorry you found us at this sad time, It was how I also found Purrs 6 months ago when I lost my babe as well, but everyone is so supportive kind helpful and understanding.
We are a big family who reach out and support each other if and when we need it. Helens poems always bring a tear to my eye and I can never usually finish reading as its always a blurr by the time I get to the end and now I see Stuart has done the same :hug:

You did everything you had to do for Bertie and he is at rest now with all our babes and playing at the bridge. :hug:

Hope our babes welcomed you Bertie and when you get to know your way round the bridge someone will teach you how to send meomy a rainbow or butterfly so she knows you are well and thinking of her :hug:

:RIP: Bertie Nite Nite xx
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on December 28, 2007, 18:41:28 PM: Thank you everyone. I am sti;;at the point where I cry when I come home and see the empty house and Bertie's toys still lying about - I haven't had the strenght to decide what to do with them yet.

It really is lovely to have met people in a similar boat - a lot of my friends and family are struggling to understand how I am so upset. Here I am blubbing at my PC again when I should have left the house 20 mins ago to go meet my friend - but if I get the crying out the way now then hopefully I won't be blubbing to her later on. I mean what can people say!

Thanks you so much and hopefully soon I too can be a support for others this heart wrenching place! :(
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gill (sneakiefeline) on December 28, 2007, 18:45:21 PM: I have kept Kockas things in a box altogether, its a big box!

I couldnt move her dishes and trays until I had a home visit and really didnt want to move them, took loads of pictures.

My new cats, the first two arrived 5 days after Kocka had gone to the Bridge cos I could not stand being without a cat.
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: gibraltarcat on December 28, 2007, 21:06:54 PM: So sorry that you are going through this sad time :hug:
The pain will ease.
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: smudgepickles on December 28, 2007, 21:23:19 PM: caledonia I'm so sorry for your loss, what a beautiful adorable fur baby you had.........I'm sure Bertie will be causing some raised whiskers at Rainbow bridge being such a beautiful handsome man..........I can see all the felines lining up preening themselves to have a wander with Bertie. paw too paw :hug: :Luv:

I joined this site over a year ago as one of my cats was very ill with crf. I have also felt so much better knowing that everyone knows how I feel. When I lost my Gizmo in June 11th my whole world fell apart and the beautiful private messages and emails I received were so, so heartwarming and now you have joined you should know we are all always here to listen should you need a friend :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Give yourself time too grieve and I have learnt from advice from the lovely purrs people that don't be afraid to cry. You sound like you were such a wonderful miowmy and Bertie was so, so lucky to have you and you too have him :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

God bless little Bertie have lots of fun playing at the bridge and send Mummy a special rainbow to let her know your OK

xxxxxx for you xxxx
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gary Smith on December 29, 2007, 03:20:25 AM: Caledonia, I found this site a little while ago when I had to put my "Little Man" Floyd to sleep just over 8 weeks ago :'(

I have to say that like you, most of my friends and family couldn't understand my grief either, but the wonderful people on this forum have helped me more than they will ever realise.

I haven't posted much since as it is still painful, but I look in all the time and it helps greatly.

I am so sorry for your loss and know exactly how you feel (as we all do) and gradually it does get better.

I am finding myself remembering more and more of the good times I had with Floyd now and in time, you will do the same about Bertie.

Just remember, you saved him and gave him 3 great years which he may not have had.

Trust in the fact that Bertie knows how special he was to you and how special you were to him - He'll be there at the Bridge waiting for you, don't worry about that.

I wrote this poem when Floyd passed away, I hope it helps you :hug:

WHEN IT IS TIME (Gary Smith)

When it is time for me to go,
Please do not fear, I'll let you know.
We have been friends through rain and shine,
I am yours and you are mine.

I know you love me, I know you care,
You look after me, you are always there.
I hope you know I feel the same,
I purr at the mention of your name.

You took me in when times were bleak,
We connected though we couldn't speak
You gave me all you had to give
A happy home, a chance to live

My life with you is full of joy
You treat me like your little boy
I wish I could tell you how I feel
I hope you know my love is real

I steal your chair, I steal your bed
I pester you till I've been fed
You never moan and never shout
In spite of all the rules I flout

I'm glad of all the time we've shared
I'm glad I found someone who cared
I've tried to repay you everyday
In my own peculiar way

Before I suffer let me go
It's the greatest act of love to show
Please do not think you've betrayed me
By helping me pass on peacefully

Just be there like you always were
Comfort me, I will try to purr
I know it is the right thing to do
I'd do the same if I were you

So when my time comes please be strong
It is the right thing not the wrong
Please spare me from enduring pain
Be sure that we will meet again

At Rainbow Bridge I'll wait for you
We'll meet again as you pass through
To love each other as before
Side by side for evermore
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: berties mum on December 29, 2007, 12:46:34 PM: That's lovely Gary :Luv:

Caledonia, I am so sorry to hear about Bertie. I have a Bertie myself, and he sends a big head butt to make you feel better :hug:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on December 29, 2007, 13:04:19 PM: Gary - that is a really lovely poem - made me blub some more but thank you for that - it really touched me!
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Maddiesmum on January 02, 2008, 08:23:42 AM: RIP Beautiful Bertie.
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: pappilon on January 02, 2008, 10:20:14 AM: :RIP: Beautifull Bertie. :candle:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on January 03, 2008, 20:19:03 PM: Thanks for the continuing support everyone - he has now been gone for two weeks and I amazed how I still look for him when I come home and worry when I am delayed at work about him being in the house - then I remember! :(

I just can't imagine ever having a more affectionate cat so suited me - I really struck gold with Bertie and I am sure everyone feels the same when they loose a special wee cat but... :Crazy:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gill (sneakiefeline) on January 04, 2008, 01:36:28 AM: Yes we get conditioned to looking after them and they leave a great big hole when they move on up but this will get slightly easier with time or you may decide you cant wait and need to fill the hole :hug: :hug:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Desley (booktigger) on January 04, 2008, 10:42:44 AM: Your very welcome, every cat is special, but some are more so than others and get under our skin that bit more.
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Felix (Caroline) on January 04, 2008, 20:19:43 PM: Rest in peace Bertiexxx

All the poems have just made me cry xxx
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on January 05, 2008, 16:29:51 PM: Just when you think you are ok!!! So having quite a bad day today - decided it was time to call and cancel the pet insurance - managed not to cry when they asked why I was cancelling! Although realised now that they took this months payment already - not sure if there is anything I can do about that and although it is only ten pounds - it is ten pounds I would rather they didn't have given they are unlikley to be paying anything to the 600 pound I paid out since November - insurace eh!!! But with the wee man passing on the 23rd of Dec - well at anytime of year I wouldn't have been able to get organised to cancel things but certainly not over Christmas and New Year - DD was taken 3 days ago!! Nothing I can do is there?

So now taking down the Christmas tree and got very teary thinking it was just a few short weeks ago we were putting it up and Bertie was sitting in the tree box and playing about with the Baubbles on the tree - and just a few days later he was gone! Oh it is been a hard day! Had a dream about him last night too which didn't help - not a nice dream either but we had to go back to the vets as they couldn't understand why the emergency vets had put him down and said it had been a mistake!!

Hmmmmm I think I need a bottle of wine tonight!! - all to myself! :(
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: blackcat on January 05, 2008, 16:38:20 PM: Free dream interpretation for you: You are still feeling some doubt as to whether you did the right thing and that is what the dream is telling you. You did the right thing. When we take on animals that live shorter lifespans than ours, we also take on the responsibility for providing them with the best care while that is doing them good, and the rapid, painless death when the medication no longer does them good. You did a good thing honey ... :care:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on January 05, 2008, 16:59:31 PM: Thank you Black Cat - I know it was the right thing to do somewhere deep inside me - but the nagging doubts still playon my mind - which is silly as the vet assured me it was the right thing! I'm just waiting for the nice dreams - my OH had one not long after he died and I was half jokingly saying I was not too impressed that Bertie visited him before me! :innocent:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: blackcat on January 05, 2008, 17:04:13 PM: lol, yes they can be perverse like that. My dad actually visited a friend of mine after he passed, but never me ... it happens ... :hug: :hug:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: claws n purrs on January 05, 2008, 17:58:59 PM: caledonia, big :hug: to you.

Like many others here, I know what you're going through having had to make the decision in the past to have three adored cats euthanised, one as recently as December :'(

It's a terrible decision to make especially when it comes almost out of the blue, and the guilt plays on your mind even though you know deep down that you did the right thing. The pain you feel will lessen in time and the guilt will disappear leaving you with thinking of happier times spent with Bertie. It's difficult to cope with when those close to you understand grief for a human but not for an animal but you're in good company here. :grouphug:

R.I.P. Bertie
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Gary Smith on January 05, 2008, 23:58:43 PM: Quote from: caledonia on January 05, 2008, 16:59:31 PM
Thank you Black Cat - I know it was the right thing to do somewhere deep inside me - but the nagging doubts still play on my mind - which is silly as the vet assured me it was the right thing! I'm just waiting for the nice dreams - my OH had one not long after he died and I was half jokingly saying I was not too impressed that Bertie visited him before me! :innocent:

Caledonia - I had all those doubts when I had Floyd PTS and that's why I wrote my poem.

Like you, I could have let nature play it's course and let him go naturally but I know he would have suffered at the end due to the problems he had.

He never suffered throughout his life and whilst it was the hardest decision I have ever made I am glad that he never suffered at the end either.

To me, that is true friendship - I sacrificed my feelings (to keep him with me as long as possible), for his well being and comfort.

You did the right thing - how would you have felt if you had watched him suffer to the end?

One of Gods few mistakes - The differing lifespans he gave humans and animals.

Give yourself a hug and remember that Bertie will be with you forever in your heart and it was your heart that made you make the right decision :hug:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on January 19, 2008, 01:16:28 AM: I took some photos off my mobile today which included the last ones of my wee boy the day before he passed - he was laying accross me in my bed drained of all energy. However I don't want to remember him that way so instead will post one of him in his favourite sleeping position - how I ever got a godo nights sleep I'll never know! I still miss him and still sleep with his blanket - bless him! :Luv: :Luv:

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: Desley (booktigger) on January 19, 2008, 10:20:09 AM: Aww, what a lovely picture, and I dont blame you for not posting hte pics, I can't look at the last picture I took of PEbbles
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: madpants on January 20, 2008, 10:19:08 AM: Hello Bertie's mum,
Sorry i missed your sad posting and have only just read it today. :(

I know exactly what you are going through, having gone through almost identical circumstances at the beginning of January, with my lovely Willow.
I hope that you are getting a bit stronger every day, and can find some positive thoughts.
I too went through excruciating guilt about having my Willow PTS on the advice of the vet when her blood count dropped to 8, and questioned whether i should have given it a bit longer to see if she could pull through. But i know deep down that the vet knew best, and he said that it would take a 'minor miracle' for her to pull through and that it would be kinder to let her go. For days i kept torturing myself with the 'what-ifs'. But that has started to ease now.

My heart still drops like a stone when i wake every morning and the reality sinks in, but the pain is slowly reducing and i am starting to focus on the funny little things Willow used to do.
I would give my right arm to hold her one last time, but i know that this is life, and we have to make the best of it.

Sending you big comforting hugs from Tracy and Merlin (the big fat black cat!) :hug:
xxxx
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: caledonia on January 20, 2008, 21:19:53 PM: Thanks you for your comment Madpants - it is comforting to know that somone had very similar circumstances. I know what you mean about waking up every morning - for me it hits when I walk in the door every night from work and he is not there!

I hope things are slowly getting better for you too! :hug:
Title: Re: Bertie Sadly Missed
Post by: madpants on January 20, 2008, 21:55:23 PM: Yes, same here, i can block things out when i'm at work, but coming home and she's not here is hard.

Things can only get better! :hug: