Topic: The passing of a good mate. (Read 8566 times)

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #46 on:** January 26, 2007, 07:35:37 AM »

Aww, I am sorry there has been a setback jonty. Is there anyway you can catproof, or make a run, so they can still be safe? Or as Lisa says, adopt an indoor only?

Littlebobo · « **Reply #45 on:** January 23, 2007, 14:44:47 PM »

Hi Jonty,

I have to say that i am the same as you..do you have room for an indoor only cat ...?

I dot let my boys/Yumi outside as the people drive like nutters and have already lost two 1 that i know was an RTA.

I do hope that you find a companion soon enough x

ddraigmor · « **Reply #44 on:** January 23, 2007, 14:25:24 PM »

Hi all,

Been quiet for a while but have had reasons.

I was prepared to go look this month for a cat to bring home as I still miss Min. However, a few days ago I witnessed a tabby run out in front of the car in front of the car in front of me. Just a streak - brake lights slamming on - and no streak out the other side. I pulled over (stomach in knots) but the cat was already dead. The driver was pretty shook up but we managed to get the body to the side of the road. No collar, no ID. The driver said she would contact the local vet to see if anyone is missing a tabby - I hope she does.

Now I am really scared about getting another cat! I keep seeing Min and the way he was, and every time I hear brakes being hit hard I keep thinking.........I know it is silly but maybe there are too many cars on the road? maybe it is too busy here? Maybe.......maybe......

Anyway, I have decided to wait and see how I feel in a while. I suppose I am just scared that another cat here will result in another loss - the road is a garden away and the cars do drive like lunatics as it is a rat run - though, for the life of me, I can't see why. You don't avoid lights, it is a built up area - which you would never think as there are no cameras here and cars go far, far faster than the 30mph limit. And as one who has only just been done for doing 34.5 MPH in a 30MPH zone at 3AM, albeit in leafy North Oxfordshire where most of the influential folk live (and not in poor old Kidlington where minor mortals reside) - that makes me so angry. £60 fine, 3 points...........all to pick my daughhter up froma city centre bus station at that time of the morning.......

Anyway........I'll keep you all posted as to how I get on but, at the moment, I am, just so worried about the 'what if?'

Jonty

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #43 on:** January 02, 2007, 12:37:58 PM »

I think it would be worth you contacting some of your local rescues to see what they think, you never know, they might have the perfect cat for you!! If you didn't have Queen visiting, I would have suggested cat proofing your garden, but that might not be fair on her, and I suspect you wouldn't want to stop her visiting.

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #42 on:** January 01, 2007, 23:03:42 PM »

Jonty,

Have you checked out the CatChat adoption pages for your area .... http://www.catchat.org/adoption/oxford.html

ddraigmor · « **Reply #41 on:** January 01, 2007, 22:04:31 PM »

Hi all,

I live in Kidlington - just outside Oxford.

My big worry is the proximity of a road that is used as a damned rat run and race track about a garden's length away from the rear garden. Min NEVER went up to the road - as far as I knew - but would saunter to the end of the rear lane. The Queen that visits is also another 'rear area' cat and does all the gardens and tree liined over - the - fence gardens. There are a few cats here - but I have yet to see any on the road area. It is an absolute mystery why Min was there - unless he was scared or chased by one of the dogs on leads?

I would love an older moggie that wants to be a home cat - the odd ramble not too far away, OK with others and not too territorial - so will be choosing carefully. It gets the run of the house, meal and water, milk, lots of love and a warm bed. I'm shortly to be on my own again as my daughter has decided not to join the RAF but to wait to go to Uni next September. She is moving back home to her mums - at 19, she has been swayed by a very anti-military mum to go home back to lack-of-employment and prospect Tranmere in the hope of getting a Uni place next year (having turned down last year's to move here and try for aircrew in the RAF). I dunno.........but it will mean the house will be too big for me and a cat would make that a better option!

Yes I have a partner but we see each other once a week having two seperate lives really - besides, she has horses. So a cat would definitely rule the roost this end!

Desley - any advice? I was going to try Stadhampton Animal Sanctuary in late Jan. I have a friend, Maggie, who is known to the Blue Cross and sometimes does animal rescue (she's a social worker and I know how she feels as we once kidnapped an alsatian in poor state to send to the sanctuary after taking it to the vets - three social workers jamed into a Fiesta with a very scared dog between us! ) Problem was, the owner went and got the dog back and as the case is not in my area I don't know what happened to the poor boy. I would have taken him straight away - but you know how it is........

Anyway, ta for the support. Losing Min still hurts but you're right; the visiting Queen is a message.

Jonty

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #40 on:** January 01, 2007, 19:13:09 PM »

I am sure you will be able to offer a wonderful home to an oldie - what area are you in???

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #39 on:** January 01, 2007, 18:49:45 PM »

Oh Jonty how wonderful that this little lady comes round to see you and that you are thinking the time may be right to find a new furry friend ... I am sure you willhave no trouble finding an oldie who wants nothing more than a lap to curl up on

Good luck in your search.

Telstar · « **Reply #38 on:** January 01, 2007, 18:46:27 PM »

It's so good that you've been able to start thinking about maybe offering a home to a needy cat. Another mog will never take the place in your heart that will always belong to Minstrel; he or she will find a place all of their own.

I wouldn't have chosen to take on a kitten so soon after Bat disappearing, especially as I was still hoping at that time that she'd come home, but I really didn't have a choice! Little Loris has been such a huge comfort to me though, and it's been so heartwarming to see how he's responded to good food, warmth and tons of love and attention. Someone suggested to me that maybe he'd been sent by Bat, to take care of me when I was feeling so down. I'm not a very spiritual kinda person, but I feel myself coming round to that idea more and more. He just has one or two little mannerisms that are so like my lovely Bat......

I know how you felt about tending Minstel's grave. Over the hols I've taken myself down to Bat's resting place and have told her about how I miss her and wish she was still here and a few tears have been shed. She's buried next to one of our other beloved cats, and there's a little oak sapling planted there, so hopefully there'll be a memorial to them there that'll long outlive the likes of me!

You sound like such a smashing fella, Jonty, and no more odd than any of us other cat addicts! Any cat that finds a home with you is gonna be one lucky feline!

ddraigmor · « **Reply #37 on:** January 01, 2007, 16:56:06 PM »

She was here again today and I think it wont be too long before I start serious looking..........probably an oldie that loves attention and has done its wandreing!

Jonty

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #36 on:** December 31, 2006, 13:24:05 PM »

Aww, his friend sounds lovely Jonty, and nice that she came to say hello. Good luck with your search when you feel the time is right.

ddraigmor · « **Reply #35 on:** December 28, 2006, 22:17:18 PM »

Thanks Littlebobo. yes, we had some good times in our short relationships, me and the Min.

Got back from Wales yesterday, tidied up his grave in the garden and will get some grass seed to cover it so he always stays home, quietly unobtrusive but I knw he's there. Was oh so hard doing that, knowing my boy was so close to me but God, so far, far away! Yeow, it still cuts like a knife and I am finding all the salt there is in the air, the cut is still so deep.

One good thing, there was a Queen who always called for him - a lovely big black and white cat, and was his mate. They did most stuff together. I fed her today - some biscuits and milk - but she just came in and I let her have the run of the house. She went everywhere, mewling low, and I am sure she was looking for him, as if I'd been hiding him from her!

We sat then, as she eat, and she let me hand feed her some ham as well as allowing me to stroke her. Had a good old sob as she just allowed me that pleasure and then she was gone...........she knows the door will always be open to her.

I ache for my boy, I think when we lose something as close as our best mates we all do - and he was that. He was all of that and much, much more.

I have decided to hang fire a bit but to go to the animal sancytary and look to see if they have any house cats that are looking for a home. I'll wait until after my daughter comes back from her tall ships adventure and then go see what is out there. Should be right time then, when the new year is in and who knows, maybe I can find a cat that just wants a lazy life with an odd bloke?

Hey! It's tough and I see many on here who have lost feel the same. I know we'll get through it - but God, he was a bit of a lad wasn't he? :-)

Jonty

Littlebobo · « **Reply #34 on:** December 23, 2006, 20:42:06 PM »

When i first spotted your picture and it said that he was at the bridge i felt devestated i rememeber laughing at the to castrate or not saga and how bad you felt when he had the snip and how he would go off on adventures and you would be trapsing about everywhere for him.

I know only too well the pain of having to find my beautiful, loved and adored cat by the side of the road and it hurts it makes you really think about things ..a pain that can never be put into words.

I really truly am devestated for you.

RIP Minstrel

tammy · « **Reply #33 on:** December 16, 2006, 18:13:08 PM »

Ohh Jonty thats so sad,,,,,,,,,, RIP Minstrel

lynne · « **Reply #32 on:** December 10, 2006, 21:26:15 PM »

So very sorry to hear your sad news, I know just how you feel, we lost Shadow in Oct (RTA. we think), and I live on a fairly quiet road.

Like you, we took in Shadow, he was vocal and full of fun. I miss him so.

Take heart that you gave Minstral a wonderful life and he knew how much he was loved.
I really am so sorry, life is so unfair at time,

Take care and my thoughts are with you.
X

ddraigmor · « **Reply #31 on:** December 10, 2006, 14:25:19 PM »

Smudgey,

Thank you. It is hard and it does affect me, mainly because he neededa chance and got it - and then this.........

I thought I heard him last night too. Lying in bed about 3am, not able to sleep, and I swear I heard his distinctive low mewl outside the bedroom door - the one he used when he wanted something specific, like food or to go outside. I know it's memory playing tricks - or do I? I fell asleep shortly after........maybe that's subconciously what I wanted. To know that his pirit is still able to come to the house.......

Odd - but there you go.

Jonty

Smudgey · « **Reply #30 on:** December 10, 2006, 10:55:41 AM »

oh Jonty

I really should not come to the bridge thread but sometimes it's good to cry
My heartfelt sorrow goes out to you
I lost my baby smudge last summer, not a day goes by i don't think of him but the hurt does get easier,
you remember the happy times and you'll smile a while before the tears come again

to you and your daughter these guys are a fantastic bunch of people
so supportive and always here if you need a shoulder
you take care of yourself
Jackie

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #29 on:** December 08, 2006, 07:58:17 AM »

Only you will know when it is right to get a new cat - but it is never a replacement, just a sign of how much you loved Min to want to respect his memory by helping another needy babe. I personally find it easier to deal with a loss if I have a new babe to help take the edge of things. Do keep yourself well, and feel free to continue to witter, we really don't mind.

Kittybabe (Ruth) · « **Reply #28 on:** December 07, 2006, 22:20:32 PM »

Jonty

Like Sam I tend to avoid this section of the forum as its heartbreaking. And like Sam so very sad for you.

I am so sorry for your loss Jonty. He sounds to have been a great mate.

RIP Min XXXX

Ps. When Didi joins you at the Bridge tomorrow don't be turned off by her Miss Snooty attitude. She'll need a pal to show her the ways of the Bridge.

Xx

Ruth

ddraigmor · « **Reply #27 on:** December 07, 2006, 19:40:27 PM »

It's too early to think about another cat just yet - and I'm worried about the road and the traffic nearby - but maybe I should.

There are lots of cats out there like Min who need love and affection and who will bring happiness back in return. Maybe I will - but first, I have to grieve for my boy and let him go completely. Just got back from a trip to Gloucester and had a look out at his grave, just to let him know I'm hone...........

Yep, I'll witter on a bit because it's what I have to do. Know what? For the first time in 10 years I had a hypo today - in the middle of a case conference of all places! My colleauge Shirley said it was due to the stress of losing Min because in all the time she has known me, I have never once let the diabetes get on top of me............. !

Thankl all - your words are so kind and your sentiments equally so. They keep me going when I think I'm about to let the wobbly lip go! Now, in memory of my best mate, a character shots of him being MInbo the Magnificent! Sandy bottms, me old mucker - smooth sailing across the bar.........

Jonty

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Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #26 on:** December 07, 2006, 19:04:29 PM »

I remember you getting him from CC and am so sorry to hear he has been taken away so suddenly - God obviously thought he would make a wonderful angel. Sadly we probably all know what you are going through, and talking does help a lot, feel free to keep wittering on to us, it really does help. As Sam says, it would be lovely if, in time, you could share your heart with another needy babe. RIP little one.

sheryl · « **Reply #25 on:** December 07, 2006, 18:55:58 PM »

So very sorry Jonty , thinking of you at this sad time

RIP Minstrel - play hard at the bridge little one xxx

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #24 on:** December 07, 2006, 07:52:24 AM »

Jonty, have just read this thread and am so sad. Minstrel was wonderful and you write about him so beautifully. The comradeship you shared was special.

Hugs to you.

There's no easy way to cope with losing part of your life. Just putting one foot in front of the other is hard, but keep going. Minstrel will be keeping an eye on you, you can count on it.

Nick (Peanut & Boo) · « **Reply #23 on:** December 06, 2006, 22:48:44 PM »

Hi Jonty
so sad to hear that Minstrel has gone to play at the bridge. I know that nothing will fill the emptiness you feel now but try to keep in mind the great times you had together the special moments you shared and above all what a fabulous life you gave him. His life may have been a short one but his little candle burned brightly . God speed Minstrel

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #22 on:** December 06, 2006, 22:32:40 PM »

Hi Jonty,

Please don't think I'm being insensitive but do you think you will consider getting another furbabe to share your life. Obviously this won't be a "replacement" for Min .... no cat can ever replace another, but sometimes having a new furry friend can help with the grieving process. You already know that cats are great confidants and are great at listening to all your moans and whinges and there is nothing more comforting when you are feeling teary and "wobbly lipped" than having a furry purry come and curl up with you and let you know that it's OK to have a good old cry. I lost a very special furry friend to an RTA back in August and too be honest if I didn't have my other furbabes to cuddle up with I don't know how I would have coped. Even now I still shed a tear when I think about Sox but I can also have a little smile when I think about the special litle things he used to do.

As you know there are hundreds of "special" furrys out there who are desparate to share their love with someone kind and caring like you and I have no doubt that Min would be over the moon knowing his best mate was able to offer another less fortunate a safe, warm and a loving home.

Again, please don't think I am being insensative and uncaring about your loss because that really isn't the case, I'm sure you understand.

Take care hun and

ddraigmor · « **Reply #21 on:** December 06, 2006, 18:41:42 PM »

Again, heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of you.

Don't know how long this grieving will last - think you are over it and then something happens and I know I'm far from it! I am encouraged by Beanie's words too. Just because I'm a bloke, it doesn't follow that I can't show my emotions - not that I'd hide them anyway. Min came into my life as an unwanted cat on the works intranet as an advert and I sent an e-mail saying I'd be interested but get to me last, single bloke and all that.

At 6.40 that night, two men turned up wth a sort of confused looking Min in a cat basket. £20 changed hands - he was unwanted, too much hassle and by the way, he needs nuetering........ Over the next few weeks we got to know each other. He was a born wanderer and I spent frantic nights looking for him as he'd done a bunk - but we always found each other. I got him nuetered and he wouldn't come near me for days! He would curl up with me in bed, wake me up wanting food........we tried a harness and that was an experience - but eventually we settled and became the best of mates.

My partner and I are on a (long) break from each other so Min was my sounding board and my confidante. When my daughter moved in (prior to her joining the RAF ), they took together like they'd known each other for years - he's fall asleep with his paws around her stomach or his head between her breasts - the old Tom that he was! He brought a mate around for feeding...........he tore strips out of my throws, he would be found curled up anywhere warm and comfy.........he was an unbelievably positive in my not so simple life and he was always - always - just there.

Now he's gone and it hurts like mad. I keep finding myself close to tears when I go out to the garden, seeing his grave and knowing that while he is near to me, he's also far away. So no, I'm not ashamed to cry or to have a wobbly bottom lip. He was loved, yes indeed he was - so why not show his loss?

One last thing - this morning my daughter cycled to work. Normally I take her but had to go to Wakefield to review a client's progress. I stood in the back door and waved her off. I didn't think she'd seen me all hurt and stuff but an hour later she texted me to say she'd cried on her way to work and she was so sorry for not giving me a hug before she went.........That's when I knew that his loss was something I could share, should share and not worry about.

Ah, my boy's gone across the bridge and he'll be happy there and have no worrries. He leavs behind a legacy that all of us who have lost a cat, a dog, horse - whatever - feel acutely. I'm not ashamed of my admittance and Beanie, you're right; males show a silence and it is pathetic! Oh and thank's for raising a glass too.

Writing has been a solace and I am glad you have given me that opportunity - you're a tolerant bunch - and it's great to know that I am amongst friends. Again, thank you each and every one.

Jonty x

Jasmine · « **Reply #20 on:** December 06, 2006, 18:19:23 PM »

So sorry to read your news Jonty, it brought tears to my eyes too.
God Bless Minstrel - a gorgeous looking puss, and by the sounds of it, quite a rum'un - you were definitely blessed!

Jasmine
X

Ela · « **Reply #19 on:** December 06, 2006, 10:19:43 AM »

I am so sorry

Tiggy's Mum · « **Reply #18 on:** December 06, 2006, 00:18:35 AM »

Hi Jonty

Just wanted to add my condolonces on the loss of your mate, Minstrel. I too, remember him coming into your life and the episodes where he had gone AWOL. As others have said he may not have had the best start in life but he left this world being part of a family and being loved.

Remember Our Love

I was chosen today
I'm learning to fly
the world took me away,
but please don't you cry

And I chose you today
to try and be strong
so please don't you cry
and don't say that I'm gone

When you're feeling alone
just remember our love,
I'm up near the stars
looking down from above.

Remember our love
In a moment you'll see
that I'm still here beside you
when you're thinking of me

RIP Minstrel, another little one taken too soon xx

Beanie · « **Reply #17 on:** December 05, 2006, 22:29:45 PM »

Hi again Jonty,

It was the loss of a much loved cat who chose our house at the age of 19 and stayed with us for 3 years that made me decide to stand up for animals and cats in particular. It wasn't a new feeling or new beliefs, just a belief that by staying quiet about things that matter was inherently wrong and, possibly, cowardly. My male silence had frankly been pathetic up to then - as bad as the turn the other cheek approach and bury your head in the sand when you know beyond doubt that many things are plain wrong..

Chloe's life had to mean something positive and this is why I help cat charities as part of that legacy. It took the love of a little cat to make me face what I believed mate.

Just my thoughts mate as I raise a glass to you for caring and having the bottle to come on to a website and saying so. That in itself for many blokes is courage in itself.

ddraigmor · « **Reply #16 on:** December 05, 2006, 22:15:02 PM »

Sam,

Thanks - nice smile (if a little sad) to know someone remembers his entrance into my life!

I suppose it's the pain that cuts - the memories, a ball here, some catnip scratchers there.........leaving the drape on the back door open and the blind half down just in case he's outside and wants to come in.......silly, ordinary things but they meant he was here and now he isn't......

I'll buck up Sam! I think Min lwas taken when things were rock bottom in other areas and the loss at a time when I really didn't need it was like a stab to the heart. Funny how a cat can sit there and listen to you and do nothing but curl up into you, signifying a sort of earthed comfort. Drat, big roughie toughie man on the outside and if you saw me now........!

Just had a last look out at the grave and said a choked good night - and it's sunk in. I'm a mess - but I know I'll get it together. The impact he had on my life is suddenly immeasurable and yet the memories will stay - you're right, a paw print that doesn't fade. He'll be checking out the others on the far side of the rainbow bridge and he'll know he's missed. I guess that his just being was a passage from not wanted to much loved and that's what matters - the difference made.

Again, a huge thank you and hugs to each and every one of you who commiserated with my loss and gave warm words that do help. With people like you , even a world weary old cynic like me can see that there's some hope for us. That's a comfort in itself.

Bless each and every one of you. You're the best.

Jonty x

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #15 on:** December 05, 2006, 21:47:33 PM »

Oh Jonty my heart goes out to you.

I don't visit the rainbow thread very often cuz I always end up in tears and as predicted I am streaming away now.

I remember reading on CC when Minstrel came into your life. Although he was only with you for a short time it's obvious how much you loved him and how much the two of you bonded and meant to each other.

I don't think it matters whether you are 50 or 5, male or female, the pain of losing a "best furry friend" hurts like hell. We are all here for you if you want us. Too many of us have been through the upset of losing a furbabe and we know how horrid it is.

Take care and rest assured that Minstel will have lots of new friends at the bridge and he will always be with you. Once a furry purry has touched your heart there will always be a little paw print left behind.

RIP Minstrel ... much loved and greatly missed by your Dad. Say hi to Sox for me and play hard little man.

Beccles · « **Reply #14 on:** December 05, 2006, 20:22:19 PM »

Many hugs from me here to you and your daughter, too.

About five years ago the family dog - then our only pet - was put to sleep after a long and noble battle with advancing old age; the two nights my mum and I spent alone in the house after that were so utterly horrible. Can I suggest you guys do the pizza/video/wrap up in duvets and sit in the living room thing?

I hope that sometime, sooner or later, you might feel able to offer a home to another cat - I know it was only that that finally fixed the empty feeling when Holly died.

ddraigmor · « **Reply #13 on:** December 05, 2006, 19:36:32 PM »

I can't believe how warm and supportive all your words are. It is a comfort - especially as I never quiite predicted how hard it was going to be. 'Round about this time he'd be mewling for his food or taking the sofa over - instead there's just me here and my daughter (equally upset) and it's so damned quiet and hugely empty........

Never cried this much in years but it's a blessing because, unlike so many other owners, I got to bring my boy home. At least that was one thing I could do for him. I wonder if he's having a cat snigger as he realises that I walked out of work when I got the news and never went back.........suddenly, it was of no consequence at all. The least important thing right then.

Wow.......it hurts and is raw but I know I'll get through it and again, thank's all of you for the words that really do matter. I don't know any of you - but I feel an empathy and a sincerity and, times like these, that's what matters.

Thanks.

Jonty

Michelle (furbabystar) · « **Reply #12 on:** December 05, 2006, 19:30:22 PM »

oh (((Jonty)))

I'm so sorry - I know the hurt you are going through (been there)

We are all here for you

R.I.P ^Minstrel^

Gentle {{hugs}}

Michelle xxx

sonya · « **Reply #11 on:** December 05, 2006, 18:09:41 PM »

Jonty,
Just wanted to say how sorry I am about the loss of your boy Minstrel, he looked a gorgeous fella, dont worry my Toffee will look after him at the Bridge, your words made me cry, and all of us on here who have gone thru this know exactly how you must be feeling right now.

Play hard at the Bridge Minstrel xxx

Take Care Jonty (((((((((((hugs to you)))))))))

Sonya

Angiew · « **Reply #10 on:** December 05, 2006, 18:07:52 PM »

Take care - you're among friends

J (Indoorcatsuk) · « **Reply #9 on:** December 05, 2006, 16:16:17 PM »

So very very sorry for your loss Jonty. You write of him with such genuine love and affection, he must have had such a contented life with you.

ccmacey · « **Reply #8 on:** December 05, 2006, 15:34:11 PM »

What a sad ending, crying my eye's out. RIP big fella xxxx

ddraigmor · « **Reply #7 on:** December 05, 2006, 14:31:02 PM »

Yvonne,

No doubt others will write a bit and say sorry - and I'd like you all to know I appreciate and am comforted by your words. We are cat lovers - if anyone understands, then you do.

I have lines from a Bill Morrissey song going through my head now, which sums up the way I feel:

'Everything slips through these old, cold fingers.

Like trying to hold water, trying to hold sand......."

I liked your words too, Yvonne. The image of the rainbow is equally touching. I think I've had my sign that he's gone - but time will tell. Meanwhile, he's there in the corner of my eye but when I look, there's nothing there. Old ghosts, maybe........

Jonty

Author Topic: The passing of a good mate. (Read 8566 times)

ccmacey