Courtesy of Judith who must have seen it on a dog site!
Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has suddenly
become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away.
Press 2 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 150
pound, 8-year-old dog.
Press 3 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs
because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the
same time.
Press 4 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having
problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 5 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute
and you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 6 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY and pick
up the dog you no longer want.
Press 7 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the
last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your dog.
Press 8 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money for your
vacation.
Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not active
and is going to outlive you.
Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for their
elderly dog because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.
Press 11 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I
have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work.
Press 12 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have
left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better
than just leaving the dog with no message.
Press 13 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your
dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our
responsibility.
Press 14 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog to be
euthanized because I won't take it.
Press 15 if you're going to get angry because the volunteers had the
audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted volunteer
who is not authorized to take your personal pet.
Press 16 if you want one of our PERFECTLY trained, housebroken, kid and cat
friendly purebred dogs that we have an abundance of.
Press 17 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression
problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor's
cats.
Press 18 if you have already called once and been told we don't take
personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time
with a different answer.
Press 19 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your
personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.
Press 20 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver
an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.
Press 21 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby bunny
for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 22 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had ten
litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and it is
against your religion.
Press 23 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad
and take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 24 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because it is
declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility that the
cat's behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
Press 25 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house but
you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 26 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling because
she is suddenly pregnant.
Press 27 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and
have had no success but you don't want to crate the dog because it is
cruel.
Press 28 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening phone
number and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working
and you are angry because no one called you back.
Press 29 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is
your daughter's birthday and you forgot when she was born.
Press 30 if your dog's coat doesn't match your new furniture and you
need a different color or breed.
Press 31 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you are too stupid
to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway)
instead of the dog.
Press 32 if you went through all these 'options' and didn't hear
enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one
of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the vet
mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his family.
