need to get this off mi chest . sorry . read at ya peral

[JackSpratt]

my mum says thats it's because my dad didn't get much love from his mum and dad, and he finds it hard to show it to us. ( bull , I haven't had any and I saturate my girls in love, kisses and cuddles everyday and I haven't had it )

I know exactly what you're saying, but people react differently to situations. My dad had a horrible temper when I was growing up (he never beat me or anything, usually inanimate objects went across a room at a fast speed!) and when I got to my teen years I had the same sort of temper. I realised I was mimicking the behaviour that was one of the things I'd hated most about my dads personality and worked really hard to be a calmer person. (No mean feat when you're a red head! ) He was taught this behaviour by his mum as far as I'm aware, but never did anything about it.  Well done to you for breaking the chain!

I hope Mangos vet visit goes well and they can help with a more permanent solution to her problems.

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

thankyou all , ian works for mi dad as a engineer but has to do lots of  concreting and digging and fitting he really wants to be a sparkie so as well as working all hours he goes to colledge 2 nights a wk till 10pm to get city and guilds qualification as a electrician , he has done 2 yrs and has all distinctions so far , he has anouther yr left then he has to do a yr nvq and he is qualified so then he can say no to the digging and concreating and if he cant just be a electrician for mi dad he is moving on . Although we dont see much of him with work and colledge he does get a good wage which we need when he does come home on a fri night i have to work 7pm till 3am in the bar fri and sat so we get weekend days togeather and sundays  when im not too exorstead to speek
so he will have to stick it out but there is a light at the end of the tunnell with the sparkie thing 

we are leaving in the morn after dropping anna off at school ( i need to have a word wi teacher ) so we will set off at 9am and have to get there for 11.45 , i hope we have time enough

she has started snorting today so im glad were going and hopefully there will be some answers finally
i told mi mum today that mi dad rang me and she went mad so i wouldnt like to be him when he gets home tonight  mi mum ses thats its because mi dad didnt get much love from his mum and dad and he finds it hard to show it to us ( bull , i ant had any and i saturate my gis in love kisses and cuddles everyday and i ant had it )
thakyou all for listening to me rant , it made me feel better . i think i few people needed to get stuff off there chest . there should be a yearly post 

[blackcat]

BC - I too did my degree as a mature student! 

Oh well done. Not sure why more people don't do it. You have a clearer idea of what you want to study, have a passion for your subject and come to it with a range of life-skills that younger students rarely have. And it gives you so much more confidence in your own abilities. Would recommend it to anyone!! Even with the debts your increased earning capacity compensates for that to some extent and you eventually pay them off.

[Catjane]

Well done both of you for standing up to your dad!  So difficult, I know!  I am now estranged from my mother as she was always a selfish, self-absorbed bully, and when she tried to turn my daughter against me that was the final straw! 

BC - I too did my degree as a mature student! 

Good luck to Mango - hope she does well at the specialists!  Big head rubbies from my lot!

[Ralph's mum (angie)]

Good Luck at the specialists tomorrow Mango 

Well done all of you peeps for studying hard and achieving your goals, 

CC hope you are well and the little one is still enjoying school 

[clarenmax]

Good luck with the specialist tomorrow 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Good luck tomorrow with Mango and hope the specialist really helps 

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

Hope all goes well with Mango tomorrow.  If your dad has previously agreed that Ian can have the time off it's none of his business what he then does with that time.

My family are all fond of pets to a certain extent, although my mum was full of "don't get another one" when Magpie died, and when I had to pay out £400 the other week for Mosi's operation (should get it back from insurance) my mum was shocked and now keeps saying "don't spend any more money on those cats..."!  She doesn't really mean it though and wouldnt' see them ill and without veterinary care.

[Hippykitty]

Some people have a very different attitude to cats and don't understand how important they are to us. They don't realise that, to us, cats are like little people, members of the family, and not 'just a cat'.  Maybe your dad can be forgiven for his lack of understanding.

I had a terrible relationship with my mother (my father is dead, he was great) until about ten years ago, when one of my sisters contacted me after a long estrangement from the family. Now my mother treats me more as an equal; she still doesn't heap praise on my head, but she's more positive and only nags when she forgets not to (her decorator, who has also worked on my house and become a good friend, has had quiet words with her about this).

You're right to be taking your cat regardless of what your father says CC. Your husband can always find another job. Basically, your dad can't stop you from putting your cat before his slave-driving.

I hope Mango is feeling well today. 

[blackcat]

all my fingers and toes crossed for the specialist tomorrow.

[Mark]

Cosmic, you must have the patience of a saint. I was wondering when you would put your foot down. I know that Mango, your kids & Ian are important to you and you are trying to keep your dad happy too. Sorry but he is a self-centred bully and he needs putting straight. I have been bullied all my life and only recently realised that you have to take a stand to make them stop. As PB said, your dad isn't the only employer in the world and maybe it will take a long break to make him realise what he could lose if he carries on this way. So there - On the bright side, it has probably helped to make you the strong person that you are. Good luck with Mango    - Oh and good on Ian for taking a stand too!! 

[Pinkbear (Julie)]

Cosmic

If your Ian has the construction experience you're hinting me does, he can walk into any employer's door and walk out the office with a job that's easier and just as well paid, if not better. Not that I'd be the type to advocate family rifts, but don't think you haven't got a future outside your dad's firm. If you want a list of employers, PM me. We work on the fringes of construction and have contacts with a lot of major firms all over the country. 

Sadly some people forget the reason behind the work... there's no point being the richest, lonliest corpse on the graveyard. 

Fingers crossed for little Mango. 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Oh yes I know the one about cats.................well you would get two more so its not surprising that Sasa and Misa dont like them!

[berties mum]

Oh, you're not alone Gill, trust me!!  I still get the occasional message through my brother even though I'm trying to minimise contact at the mo ... the most recent gem was in response to me adopting Minnie - apparently I'm "collecting cats like toys" and clearly don't have Minnie's best interests at heart, because three is one cat too many and now none of them will be happy .... sigh.

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Yes that kind of negativity is terrible and thought it only happened in my family 

[berties mum]

It takes a long time to come to terms with this sort of self-absorption, but you can do it. I know because I have had to do so. But the price can be pretty high at times...

Only just caught up with this thread and wanted to say to you, Blackcat, that it's so nice to hear I'm not the only one who has these problems with their parents.  Mine live seven miles from me and I haven't seen them since January - I am officially having a break!  After years of enduring negative/ self-absorbed responses to every piece of news I had, I realised I'm an adult and can choose not to have that in my life.  I would love parents who would react well to news like me getting a new job (rather than, "but what if you find you're out of your depth?") or that I was considering moving in with OH ("but you're not getting married - and the neighbours are starting to talk about why you're still on the shelf."  I'm 27!) And I did resent, after telling them that Bertie was poorly with struvite crystals at Christmas, discovering that they had told my brother I was "hysterical" and thought Bertie was dying - not actually what happened!!!!  Ah, you're right, I do feel better for sharing 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

I am pleased you are going with Mango and hope that the specialist can help her 

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

i am taking her gill . Ian has told mi dad to mind his own and wether we pick her up fri or sat then he is having thur and fri off , hes been working in london for 2 wk and ant seen annas school yet so he promised he will be taking her   

i am in barnsley and the specialist is in newmarket , i have to get there for 12pm and have a hour consult and then leave her for 1 or 2 days for tests and things . she is quite well today but who knows what tomorr will bring wi mango

[Sabrina (Auferstehen)]

I know what you mean about parents. I think my mum's the best mum in the world, but my dad's one of those people that had convinced himself he wanted a family when in reality he wanted to tart around. Sadly, he's still not come to terms with the fact that this is the case, but I love him despite the fact that he's a plonker! My partner can't understand it because mine and my siblings childhoods were pretty hectic due to his constant temper tantrums.

Sounds oddly enough like my dad. Who when ever I call (twice a year if) he talks about cars and all his friends, doesn't ask how things are with me just what kind of car am I driving and not to mention his new girlfriend is living with him...

Though to be fair, he did applaud me doing everything I could when Little Girl was sick and passed away as well as getting Penguin shipped from the US...

So sometimes they can suprise you just never when you want them to!

Congrats BC on the degree! Hope you aren't like us though and paying for it for the next 20 years My husbands masters degree in feudal history (not that he uses it!).

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Thats great BC, well done 

Cosmic are you going to be able to get Mango to the specialist OK?  I do hope so but maybe purrs peeps could help if it came to the crunch, what area do you live in and where is specialist, cxos I know this is so important for her.

I gave up with parts of familys years ago 

[blackcat]

What degree did you do BC? And congratulations!

 I have two now, one a BA in classics, the other a master of heritage conservation. Both from Sydney uni.

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

thanks all you always make me feel better 

[Team Svartalfheims]

Your Dad sounds like my Dad and Dave's parents. They seem to view cats as just an animal and not important rather than seeing them as very much loved members of the family. Luckily my Mum is cat mad and even rearranged her wedding in October around my cats lol!!

We've got all our fingers and paws crossed here that everything goes really well at the specialists on Thursday. Hopefully they'll be able to sort out Mango's problem out for good bless her.

[JackSpratt]

What degree did you do BC? And congratulations!

I know what you mean about parents. I think my mum's the best mum in the world, but my dad's one of those people that had convinced himself he wanted a family when in reality he wanted to tart around. Sadly, he's still not come to terms with the fact that this is the case, but I love him despite the fact that he's a plonker! My partner can't understand it because mine and my siblings childhoods were pretty hectic due to his constant temper tantrums.

CC,  some people just don't understand the importance of a cat in the family. they see them as a pet rather than a member - is your dad like that? Either way, he is being insensitive as it's obvious that's not your opinion on the matter. I hope everything goes well at the vets for Mango.

[blackcat]

Thanks, nice to know someone appreciates my efforts, actually I have now learned to give myself plaudits instead of hoping to get them from others. As for your parents. that being the case, I guess I can understand where they are coming from. But still, as kids we like to think they might just give us an American soap happy families ending some days .........................................

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

  thanks BC    i know mi dads always been like that i have got over it it just riles me and i dont understand why i put up wi it
mi mum and dad had us three girls from age 16 , they have been good parents in the way of working hard providing for us untill we got to about 17 and now they are like teenagers themselves , reliving there youth i think and i dont blame em but it would be nice for gran and grandad to spend time now and again wi my two age 2 and 4
as we spent a lot of time at grannys having fun while mum and dad had a night out once a month

me and ian ant been out in 4 yrs 

anyway ill give up th moan its pointless
he never was a animal lover

oh BC congrats on ya digree never mind how long ago it was . well done x

[SpecialRed]

Your Dad sounds very unreasonable to me. but he is your dad and so I will leave it at that.

[blackcat]

one of the hardest parts of being a grownup is facing up to the fact that our parents are never going to be the people that we want them to be. Some people are lucky and can work out an accommodation with their parents. Others, like us, just have to face the fact that their parents will never be willing to negotiate the relationship so that we can be happy together. My mother rang me on the day I graduated as a mature age student. I had worked so hard to get that degree, and she never mentioned my graduation. All she wanted to talk about was her problems with the gardener. It takes a long time to come to terms with this sort of self-absorption, but you can do it. I know because I have had to do so. But the price can be pretty high at times... You have my sympathy but it is something you are going to have to work out in your own way ... Sometimes talking to someone not associated with the situation helps...

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

i love my dad and always try to please him
i dont see him a lot he is very mardy , i left home at 17 i wanted to go to college but he wouldnt let me so i got a job  and got my own house wi ian ,  worked hard got married had 2 lovely girls which he hardly sees , drive, never had to ask for owt

just a little attention would be nice sometimes , he has always provided for us when we were little but never gave kisses or cuddles or love you , nothing

i guess i aint gonna get it now but i didnt expect that phonecall this morn 

he can pooey though , am taking her on thur come hell or high water

[blackcat]

Oh cosmic how horrible. My parents were always complete sods when it came to mixing family and money too. You have my heartfelt sympathy. 

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

Well Mango is due to go to the specialist on thur , last week she was very ill and have to have anouther streriod so were gald really
but ian my husband works for mi dad and he can never have his holiday days without  good reason e,g going on hol . dying in hosp
anyway mi mam and dad have just got back from bhamas and ian had the 2 days booked off for 5 wk  to take her and fetch her back cause its going to take 3 hours there and she has to stay a night ( we could have got appointment sooner but mi dad said no , company was too busy

anyway i had a bad morn . anna who has just started school has been crying she didnt want to go cause noone will play wi her at playtime  and when i got back in at 10am mi dad rang and said

"Whats going off wi this  cat ?"
he said that ian couldt have time off to take a cat to a vets and that we can go somewere nearer or take her thur and pick up sat and i got a load of verbal
he forgot ian had booked it off (and as he is there best worker doing electrics engineering labouring and concreating . has never had a day off sick in 12 yrs and never gets home before 7pm )
he said that i had to ring the vet and ask if i could get her sat or he would !!!!! and i had to ring him stight back

The sad thing is i thought he was ringing to see how anna had got on 

workng for familiy never works

anna came home and had a 2 hours tantrum so i have spent the last 2 hours crying ( shes in bed now )

ian rang mi dad and told him to never ring me again regarding work . as he wouldnt ring any of his other employees wies to see what they were doing on there day off , 

i