Topic: When does it get easier? (Read 5218 times)

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #34 on:** May 17, 2007, 21:56:43 PM »

Its so hard JS, the grieving process has many stages and it is said until you have been through each one, things do not improve.

Like the others have said it seem s to get easier but for me it has never gone and Kocka went to the bridge 2 yrs ago in July and I am just a wreck at times, and dont know what starts it off even.....just thoughts I guess.

I think we have to try to believe that we will meet up again on the Bridge........I am not religeous at all but a rainbow has now become Kockas message.

I hope that it starts getting easier soon but i dont think it will ever go.

JackSpratt · « **Reply #33 on:** May 17, 2007, 21:48:12 PM »

Ruth, I miss Parsleys chin nips! And the way she used to sit on the arm of the sofa like a big cat on a branch. And bizarrely, the way she use to try and catch my hair if I moved it from me when she was having a cuddle! There's lots of little traits that I miss, but I guess that would happen with any of them.

Thank you for all letting me know how I feel is normal.

I was beginning to think I was a bit odd.

Kittybabe (Ruth) · « **Reply #32 on:** May 17, 2007, 20:38:51 PM »

JS I've been reading this thread the last day or so but have waited to post, not sure if I was going to then, but to let you know that, like the others, its just something you do.. live with it I guess.

My sister has a bridge baby. Our Puddles (just a nick name for her) was a Lexy look-a-like. She passed on in January 2005 aged nearly 11. It was unexpected, her death, she was terminaly ill but not diagnosed until too late.

Puddly was such a character. She was, to me, as much my baby as my sisters. Even though she lived with my sister, I had known her since she was a wee kitten and she was very much a part of my life, pretty much every day she was somewhere near me. She was the most amazing character, and loved me nearly as much as she did her mummy, she loved that I used to spoil her rotten (or that she could get away with murder with me and knew it!).

Two years and bit later and I still cry when I talk of her, like now, but the memories of her, each day, are wonderful, almost bittersweet.

It does get easier to bear over time, the hurt is less each day but its still there. I miss her terribly some days, I miss her cuddles and the way she would remember if you spoke sharply to her if she climbed on the table when we were eating, she would wait about an hour then walk past you and swipe your ankle as if to say "shout at me will you!"

It is no wonder that when Lexy took one look at me with her little face so very much like Puddles that I fell in love with her. Its almost like Puddles said it was ok to bring a new baby into our family and it was an added benefit she was a B&W like our Puddly!

JackSpratt · « **Reply #31 on:** May 17, 2007, 20:16:59 PM »

Thanks everyone.

Hippykitty, you're right. The knowledge that we loved her as much as we did (and still do) does make it easier to deal with. At least she knew humans weren't all terrible things.

I guess it takes time.

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #30 on:** May 17, 2007, 19:37:44 PM »

My views are similar to yours Hippy - as I take on oldies, I do expect to have them for a shorter time, but I know that I have given them that chance of a home environment for the end of their lives, so however hard it is, within a couple of days, I can be at peace with it, they got what they all deserve in life. And then generally go on to help another needy babe!! That is my real coping mechanism, and when I haven't been able to afford another one, I have fostered one instead.

catzluva71 · « **Reply #29 on:** May 17, 2007, 14:56:09 PM »

Yes time eases the pain, but it is always there under the surface.
My babe Tommy has been gone 5 years now and I still miss him dreadfully, he was such a character and my best pal.
My other cat George was only with me for 6 months before he died from a stroke in Feb 06, he was only 10 bless him and because his owners were moving and didn't want him anymore he came to me.
I miss him every day and although i now have Bo and i love him to bits, part of me wishes George was stilll with me - I had severe depression and anxiety when Georgie arrived and he helped me through it.
I still don't like going out the garden much as i can see him lying there on the ground in my head.

All i can say is for me it has certainly helped having Bo and caring for him.

Hippykitty · « **Reply #28 on:** May 17, 2007, 14:42:39 PM »

One thought which has always comforted me when one of my cats has died, and will when S and P go to snuggle up to Bastet's tummy, and that's the thought that the cat has had a happy, loved life, however short. He/she wasn't an unloved little soul, neglected or unfed, but was loved and happy. This has helped to comfort me, I hope it will be of some use to you when you are over the shock of puss not being around.
Be kind to yourself. Your partner sounds very loving and supportive, you will get through this together. You'll always feel a little sad, but it will be a much less sharp, less immediate pain.
Take care.

ChrisB · « **Reply #27 on:** May 16, 2007, 17:06:01 PM »

Sorry you are feeling like this JS - I don't know the answer except that eventually it does get slightly better but it's the getting through the time until then that is so difficult. As everyone has said there are so many of us on here that understand and feel the same way and it was definitely only through the support on Cat Chat that I kept going after losing Chico in February 2006. Take care and pm or e-mail anytime if you want to talk.

smudgepickles · « **Reply #26 on:** May 16, 2007, 16:17:11 PM »

Quote from: lynn on May 16, 2007, 14:14:45 PM

as you say gail what about us. when ever something awful happens and i say "poor boogers how much have they suffered etc etc be it human or animals" hubby always says (esp when on about humans) its not the one who has died we need to feel sorry for as they are now at peace but those left behind that are the ones who suffer.

My hubby says the same.

I have days when I can think of the ones that have gone to rainbow bridge and days when i just make myself remember the continuous happiness they gave me and the happiness the surviving beauties give me everyday still...............

Parsley will always hold a special place in your heart as you were such a kind loving caring Mummy

We are all here if you need a chat or a cyber hug

xx

Susanne (urbantigers) · « **Reply #25 on:** May 16, 2007, 16:14:03 PM »

It gets easier but it never gets easy. Magpie died in October 2005 and I still get teary eyed thinking about him. But I can now smile when I think about him too, and be happy that I shared 8 years with him.

Gail Bengal Slave · « **Reply #24 on:** May 16, 2007, 16:09:15 PM »

It's being here that gets us through the pain of loosing a furbabe.

ccmacey · « **Reply #23 on:** May 16, 2007, 16:05:15 PM »

I still get upset when I think about Renie and its been nearly 3 years. How I cope is to think about what I have got now and I know even though she is not here, she is in a place where I can find her.

Bazsmum · « **Reply #22 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:28:38 PM »

Quote from: Ruth (Bazsmum) on May 16, 2007, 13:59:14 PM

"better to have loved & lost than never loved at all"

sorry but that help's my coping mechanism.........in this big world, for purposes unbeknown to us we find each other.....the knowledge that you have shared something so special........

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #21 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:19:11 PM »

i really like that piece of writing sarah

do u think u could email it to me if u get 5mins

CurlyCatz · « **Reply #20 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:14:45 PM »

as you say gail what about us. when ever something awful happens and i say "poor boogers how much have they suffered etc etc be it human or animals" hubby always says (esp when on about humans) its not the one who has died we need to feel sorry for as they are now at peace but those left behind that are the ones who suffer.

Gail Bengal Slave · « **Reply #19 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:09:47 PM »

Quote from: JackSpratt on May 16, 2007, 11:55:52 AM

I don't want to forget Parlsey. I just want it to be easier to remember her fondly without feeling as sad as I do.

Lynn, I don't think it sounds awful. I know exactly what you mean. I can remember reading about another cat on here getting ill in the same way after Parsley went and their cat survived. I remember feeling happy for them but jealous and resentful all at the same time. I felt like such a terriblel person.

I feel the same when I read about a cats envolved in an RTA and surviving -WHY didn't my Zak & Tan's Ochi??????? - It hurts like hell, but they were wanted on the bridge and were taken.
What about us that are left- we hurt because they have been taken from us. It's unfair but nothing is in this world.

Gail Bengal Slave · « **Reply #18 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:05:45 PM »

JS you always will get a lump in your throat.

The pain does subside a little but the Bridge Babe is ALWAYS in your mind - I lost Beau 3 years in January & Zak 2 years in January, and even now I get a lump.
Just think about the good times you had and what nawty things she did.All the cuddles you shared, and you begin to smile, through the tears. the wound heals but you will always have a scar.

xxxxxxxxx

Sarah (seldom_use) · « **Reply #17 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:05:00 PM »

"I'd heard the old wives tale that we really need a year and a day to know, really know, at our core, that someone has died. We need to live through an entire year without the person, to experience every part of our lives without them - my birthday, his birthday, our wedding anniversary, the anniversary of his death - and it's only when thats done and we're still alive that we begin to understand."

I think there may be some truth in that to be honest, I know when I've been bereaved, that's how it's been..

Take care of yourself JS

Angiew · « **Reply #16 on:** May 16, 2007, 14:00:41 PM »

It does get a bit more distant but for me I get far more neurotic about the cats I have left. I don't know if this is normal or due to my dad having cancer when i was young.
At the moment I'm still in panic stage with the little one that was pts last week and possible contagion. My neurosis means I have to walk away from my cats occaisionally to stop the panic building up and the pains in my chest.

one day at a time......

Bazsmum · « **Reply #15 on:** May 16, 2007, 13:59:14 PM »

"better to have loved & lost than never loved at all"

Sarah (seldom_use) · « **Reply #14 on:** May 16, 2007, 13:53:02 PM »

Sorry you're feeling this way JS

The grieving process is a strange thing but funnily enough there is truth in it - time is the best healer.

I just finished the new Marion Keyes book - "Anybody out there," about a women who loses her husband in a car accident. She can't stop thinking he's still there and forgets he actually died etc..

There was a nice bit near the end, I'll find it and write it out..

Tiggy's Mum · « **Reply #13 on:** May 16, 2007, 13:16:47 PM »

I don't know the answer to that JS I'm afraid. I have not had a tear free day yet since losing Tiggy, I'm not depressed and generally feel happy but I miss her so much it is like a physical agony aching in my chest. It's strange as I can look at her photos which are all around me - on walls, on my screensaver of the computer and phone. I don't feel sad then but when I think about her I get all teary still. Having the boys has helped but doesn't stop me missing her like crazy. All I can say is that when her brother died in 99 I was devastated and today I can think of him without that overwhelming sad feeling although of course I still miss him.

I think it's important not to try and blank out the memories, if I don't actively think about Tiggy I am not in the slightest bit sad but I WANT to think about her and remember the happy times we shared together as well as how sad her not being here makes me feel. I think it's something that you just have to work through

Liz · « **Reply #12 on:** May 16, 2007, 13:06:40 PM »

We lost our Darling Bert last friday 11 May 07 and it takes a while to think of them as gone even with 36 others his dynamic is sorely missed.

He was 21 and 5 months and his age doesn't make it easier it just means our darling boy is gone from our minds eye but will always be a pawprint in our heart

We have a garden of remembrance for our 5 cats and our BC and I have flowers planted for their season of loss so its like they are still around and showing us they are still there - also gives me a place to go to talk to them should I have the notion - I do and will continue to do so they are my furkids and they always will be.

JackSpratt · « **Reply #11 on:** May 16, 2007, 13:03:07 PM »

Thank you Christine. The poem brought tears to my eyes. I sometimes "feel" her around me, if that makes sense.

When I was hoovering the other day, I knew where the other four were but found myself thinking "oh, Parsley will be on the bed." It was odd.

Auferstehen, I know what you mean about getting choked up if you see a cat that reminds you of Little Girl.

Sabrina (Auferstehen) · « **Reply #10 on:** May 16, 2007, 13:02:05 PM »

We lost Little Girl in February as well and it still hurts.

She should have been arriving today with her brother from the US, so today is happy/sad.

Every time I see an all black cat I get all choked up.

Christine (Blip) · « **Reply #9 on:** May 16, 2007, 12:54:36 PM »

We never get over loss of a loved one, JS, although in time we find the strength to bear what we cannot change.

Do you know this poem?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_not_stand_at_my_grave_and_weep

xC

JackSpratt · « **Reply #8 on:** May 16, 2007, 12:53:35 PM »

Thanks guys.

and Hippykitty, believe me I do have a good bawl about it sporadically! (My partner is good at making me tea and giving me hugs when this happens. He had Parsley in his family longer than I did, but he still manages to be the rock in the situation, bless him!

)

I find myself wondering how the other cats feel about her being gone too. The youngest one was close to her, they use to play together a lot. It's hard to think she misses her and I can't really do much to help.

Yvie · « **Reply #7 on:** May 16, 2007, 12:27:43 PM »

It does get easier - eventually.
It's different for each person, I can get a lump in my throat right now thinking about my Brandy, my first cat who was a stray and we only had a short while before we lost him to kidney cancer. That was nearly 25 years ago!
I did find getting another cat helped though.
You will never, ever forget any of your pets for as long as you live. It's the price we pay for loving them so much.

Hippykitty · « **Reply #6 on:** May 16, 2007, 11:59:06 AM »

It took me about nine months to get over losing Max, my previous cat. Getting Polly and Samantha helped. Strangely, I think lots of crying helped too in the long term.

Never be ashamed to cry. Bawl as much as you need to about your loss. It aids the long term recovery process.

JackSpratt · « **Reply #5 on:** May 16, 2007, 11:55:52 AM »

I don't want to forget Parsley. I just want it to be easier to remember her fondly without feeling as sad as I do.

Lynn, I don't think it sounds awful. I know exactly what you mean. I can remember reading about another cat on here getting ill in the same way after Parsley went and their cat survived. I remember feeling happy for them but jealous and resentful all at the same time. I felt like such a terrible person.

Ela · « **Reply #4 on:** May 16, 2007, 11:46:48 AM »

Quote

whilst i can casually talk of him if i really think about it i'm in tears very quickly.

I know what you mean, after a period of time I am like that, I think. I know you never forget indeed one would not want to.

CurlyCatz · « **Reply #3 on:** May 16, 2007, 11:17:01 AM »

perfectly normal hun and it wasnt that long ago.

I lost my soots 11 years ago and whilst i can casually talk of him if i really think about it i'm in tears very quickly. I was 19 when i lost him and for atleast a year i just didnt "give a sh*t" attitude and certainly didnt want another cat..infact working with them was a big effort for me. Sounds awful coz as much as i obviously had a passion for making and seeing them get better at the same time i was bitter and fought demons in my head resenting other cats getting better when my soots didnt...sounds awful doesnt it but thats how i felt inside although i didnt let it effect my vocation.

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #2 on:** May 16, 2007, 11:15:31 AM »

jack i lost my bubbles nov 97 so its nearly ten years and tbh with u every time i think about him or talk about him i cry ,
i lost my other cat snowy in 99 and it still hurts bad and i still miss him

im a lot more emotional about bubbles though as ill never ever get over how he died
and how he lost his life at 6mths old
he would of only have been 10 next week
ill never ever forgive myself for letting him go out
and i wish everyday he was still here
he would of loved my cats i have now so much

im crying again now

my snowy had a stroke and it was awful for us all
ill never forget how he looked that day when we took him to the vets to be pts

if u ever need a chat u know u can always pm me or email me

Lisa

JackSpratt · « **Reply #1 on:** May 16, 2007, 11:09:05 AM »

As most of you on the forum know, my partner and I lost Parsley to a stroke in February this year. Although I'm not bursting into tears all the time as I was for the first few weeks after she'd gone, I'm still very emotional about losing her. How long does it take before you don't get a lump in your throat every time you think about the loss you've had?

Does anyone know of an effective way to aid the grieving process? Sorry if this post sounds a little odd, I'm not entirely sure how to word it.

Author Topic: When does it get easier? (Read 5218 times)

ccmacey