Topic: Very upset... (Read 4446 times)

Hippykitty · « **Reply #25 on:** May 05, 2007, 22:47:52 PM »

A suggestion: rather than leaving Mia with him - which may cause more argument upon your return - have you considered putting her into a cattery while you're in France?

It's good that she's staying with you, as you have had the responsibility of caring for her and your ex may not realise all that this entails when it's his responsibility.

The ending of any relationship, even the most awful ones, is traumatic. I know that when I've split up from someone I've spent a great deal of time with, I've missed them being in my life, even though every moment with them was hell. But you get used to your new life.

As your depression is (I assume) a reaction to the break-up and stress, anti-depressants may not be the best treatment, especially SSRI's, as these are better for treating endogenous depression (which I've had) which has no known cause. You may find counselling more helpful, and the support of your friends and family. Keep your friends close to you at this time, and try to make new ones. While I was depressed I was helped by a book called "52 brilliant ideas: Defeat depression" by Dr Sabina Dosani, published by The Infinite Ideas Company Limited. Their website is www.infideas.com

I hope all goes well for you and Mia. Your boyfriend can look after himself.

COSMIC CREEPERS · « **Reply #24 on:** May 05, 2007, 22:05:15 PM »

hello , im glad your keeping him i think the person a cat chooses to sleep with is the one they love and trust

mine always sleep wi my girls age 2 and 4 and then as soon as i go to bed there in wi me . So he will probably settle well
Moomin and Mango have been our new house for 3 wk now and are fine

have a nice time in france and i hope the move goes as well as it can , its a fresh start and sometimes there not all that bad

love sasha x

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #23 on:** May 05, 2007, 21:15:35 PM »

Enjoy the pampering

tinyrosie · « **Reply #22 on:** May 05, 2007, 12:31:19 PM »

Hi deb

for some reason my computer only brought up one page, it has now show two and i have just read that you are keeping mia, im so glad. take care x

tinyrosie · « **Reply #21 on:** May 05, 2007, 12:28:05 PM »

Hi Deborah

i'm so sorry you are hurting. I agree with what has been written with regard to mia being yours. she was a gift to you and has obviously formed more of a bond with you than she has with your partner (ex).
dont be swayed by him trying to make you feel guilty, and you are not being selfish. its not fair or right to make you feel guilty or to play on your emotions because you want to take mia with you. children usually stay with their mummy.
i am a qualified counsellor and am urging you to go back to the doctor and tell him/her that you have had a bad reaction to the tablets. this can happen at first but does usually go as the tablets get into your system. anti-depressants really have their place and can take the edge of the pain, and although they cant make everything right they can help you function on a day to day basis, until the raw pain and emotion pass. maybe you could go for some counselling, its not for everybody but can help.
take care flower, hope things get better for you as time passes. go to your parent and allow yourself to be wrapped up and cared for, and take your baby with you.
sharon x

Tan · « **Reply #20 on:** May 05, 2007, 10:41:38 AM »

Sorry Deb i've just seen this. I'm glad ya have things have worked out a little for you hun. Have a great time in France and relax. I'm a big beliver in fate and if ya both are meant to be together, you will be.

Mia is very gorgeous hun

Tiggy's Mum · « **Reply #19 on:** May 05, 2007, 10:36:39 AM »

Have only just caught up with this. Sorry to hear your going through a difficult time, am really glad you have resolved Mia's custody issue though. Susannes's right, she belongs with her Mum - I'm sure she'll bring you lots of laughs and comfort in the times ahead

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #18 on:** May 05, 2007, 10:12:14 AM »

awww shes gorgeous

glad u have sorted things a bit now

Susanne (urbantigers) · « **Reply #17 on:** May 05, 2007, 10:08:02 AM »

I'm glad you've resolved this, Deborah, and that Mia is going with you. She's your baby and her place is with you

JackSpratt · « **Reply #16 on:** May 05, 2007, 09:55:43 AM »

Awww, Mia's a babe!

I hope you have loads of fun in France and come back suitable refreshed.

Déborah · « **Reply #15 on:** May 05, 2007, 09:15:26 AM »

I forgot to say, Mia was incredibly affectionate to me this morning: she slept in my arms under the duvet, and when she got too hot, she wrapped herself round my head and licked my eyebrows

Déborah · « **Reply #14 on:** May 05, 2007, 08:56:55 AM »

Thanks a lot, you're all being so nice to me

things have been resolved after another long discussion, and we agreed that I'm keeping Mia, and that I'm going to get him another kitten (which was the original plan anyway, which was partly why I was so upset: I wasn't expecting him to turn round like that).

Quote from: Sam (Fussy_Furball) on May 04, 2007, 21:19:12 PM

Can you ask your friend to look after Mia while you are away rather than leaving her with your ex?

That would have been good, but she's going away for a bit too, and she stays with someone who's allergic to cats.

Quote from: Christine (Blip) on May 04, 2007, 21:35:32 PM

If you've had a reaction to Prozac, there are other SSRIs - and have you considered St John's Wort?

I'll go to the doctor's next week. I never took st john's wort because I'm on the pill, but I guess I can come off that now. Heh.

Quote from: Gill (sneakiefeline) on May 04, 2007, 23:06:25 PM

I think you should kep Mia but was a bit confused about the mention of France.

I think you need to be sure where you will be living and if it is in France you will need a bout 6 months I believe to get Mia sorted out with a pet passport, and Lottie will be an expert on this.

You also have to consider Mias future and if that will be with you forever without a period of separation, thats great but if you were thinking of going abroad and leaving her behind for a long period , then maybe this will not be so good for Mia.

Yeah, I was upset and I guess I didn't make myself clear. I'm moving into a flat in Edinburgh, which is available for us on the 28th. before that, I'm going to spend a week or so with my mum and dad, to be shamefully pampered and because they're worried about me. I never go to France for long periods, just a week here and there. Hope that clarified things a bit.

Anyway, thanks again for your support, that really means a lot to me!

Déborah xx

PS: here are a few recent pictures of the wee tyke who's causing us so much haertbreak:

JackSpratt · « **Reply #13 on:** May 04, 2007, 23:17:26 PM »

Deborah, Mia is yours. She was given to you as a gift of love, and your ex should have the decency to respect that. I understand that he's attached to her too, but he made the decision to cause a separation not only between the two of you, but also between Mia and him.

It's always tough when you still care a great deal for someone but can see it isn't working; just because things are so tense this soon after the two of you have split up, doesn't mean they always will be.

I agree that he should get in touch with a local rescue. If he likes Mia as much as you say, maybe he could like another cat enough to give it a loving home.

I really hope you're feeling more positive soon. Good luck getting things to a place you're happy with again.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #12 on:** May 04, 2007, 23:06:25 PM »

I think you should kep Mia but was a bit confused about the mention of France.

I think you need to be sure where you will be living and if it is in France you will need a bout 6 months I believe to get Mia sorted out with a pet passport, and Lottie will be an expert on this.

You also have to consider Mias future and if that will be with you forever without a period of separation, thats great but if you were thinking of going abroad and leaving her behind for a long period , then maybe this will not be so good for Mia.

karenjet · « **Reply #11 on:** May 04, 2007, 22:26:32 PM »

So sorry to hear about all this. Like the others say, I would take Mia with you. If he really wants the company of a cat let him go and get a rescue baby. Mia's clearly attached to you.

Hope the situation improves for you

Christine (Blip) · « **Reply #10 on:** May 04, 2007, 21:35:32 PM »

hun

If you've had a reaction to Prozac, there are other SSRIs - and have you considered St John's Wort?

xC

Millys Mum · « **Reply #9 on:** May 04, 2007, 21:26:56 PM »

Quote

but it's true he going to have a horrible time once the puss and I are gone and he's alone in the house.

Hes the one whose decided to end things, he cant make decisions and then get bitter over the consequences.

Could she move into the flat ahead of you? Or stay in a cattery? There are charities who provide foster care for pets belonging to people who suddenly get ill etc

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #8 on:** May 04, 2007, 21:19:12 PM »

Give him the number of the local rescue and suggest he goes and chooses himself a new kitten!

Can you ask your friend to look after Mia while you are away rather than leaving her with your ex?

Déborah · « **Reply #7 on:** May 04, 2007, 21:15:03 PM »

Thanks for your support everyone, I really appreciate it.

The problem is that I'm only moving in the new place on the 28th. I'll go back to France to my mum and dad before that (rather than stay in the house with him!), which means he will look after the cat, which is very awkward.

He really loves the cat, he's not just saying that to upset me. I do think he's being selfish, but it's true he going to have a horrible time once the puss and I are gone and he's alone in the house. I really feel for him but it would destroy me to leave Mia behind.

What also really upsets me is that we had said we would stay friends, and keep in touch, and, who knows, maybe get back together after a while (we still love each other), but it doesn't look like it now, and I'm not coping very well with the realisation. He's a very important person for me and the thought that we might never talk again is killing me...

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm probably going to go to bed now though.

Déborah xx

Sabrina (Auferstehen) · « **Reply #6 on:** May 04, 2007, 21:05:25 PM »

Just take the kitty with you.

If she was a present and you take care of her then she is yours.

Do not let your partner take her from you.

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #5 on:** May 04, 2007, 20:54:24 PM »

awwww he cant say that
shes your cat not his !!!!!!!!!
dont listen to him just take the cat with u
i hope u feel better soon

snarf · « **Reply #4 on:** May 04, 2007, 20:40:12 PM »

Quote from: Déborah on May 04, 2007, 19:58:52 PM

Mia was his birthday present to me and I registered her to the vet, insured her, bought her all the stuff needed. I feed her and I clean her tray and she sleeps on my pillow at night.

Déborah

so you provide for all her needs? she chooses to sleep closest to you? Mia has clearly shown her preferences and its you!! she'll adapt to a new flat in no time but not to losing you. i think that says everythng, the best thing for Mia is to stay with you. it is most certainly not you being selfish. i also think if she registered at the vets and with insurance to you, you are her owner anyway (well as much as you can be with a cat!)

Good luck wth everything and look after yourself

Catjane · « **Reply #3 on:** May 04, 2007, 20:17:49 PM »

Quote from: Sam (Fussy_Furball) on May 04, 2007, 20:08:51 PM

Deborah so sorry to hear this. Surely if Mia was given to you ... she's yours. Sounds to me like Gary is using Mia to get at you ... he knows what she means to you and he knows this is a good way to upset you.

Personally I would just take her with me and sod him.

Take care and try to stay positive hun

Absolutely agree. And who's being selfish here? He doesn't want to keep Mia cause he loves her, he wants to keep her because he feels he is 'entitled' to her company. Hmmmph. Not the right reasons in my book. Take Mia - I'm sure she'd appreciate it!

Good luck with all this ... it's a horrible time to go through.

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #2 on:** May 04, 2007, 20:08:51 PM »

Deborah so sorry to hear this. Surely if Mia was given to you ... she's yours. Sounds to me like Gary is using Mia to get at you ... he knows what she means to you and he knows this is a good way to upset you.

Personally I would just take her with me and sod him.

Take care and try to stay positive hun

Déborah · « **Reply #1 on:** May 04, 2007, 19:58:52 PM »

(in case you didn't read my previous post, I'm breaking up with my partner - we had been living together for 3.5 years)

I've just had a really bad argument with Gary: I've just found a flat to share with a friend (which would be great for Mia) and now he says he wants to keep her. He says this is her house, and I'm the one leaving, and he's going to be needing her more than me because he'll have all the memories in the house and he will be all on his own when I'm moving with a friend.

Mia was his birthday present to me and I registered her to the vet, insured her, bought her all the stuff needed. I feed her and I clean her tray and she sleeps on my pillow at night. I could never leave her behind but he says that I'm being selfish and I should stop thinking only of myself.

I'm very upset. He's the one who gave up on the relationship. I've had to stop taking prozac because of a very bad skin reaction, and I'm not doing too well.

Déborah

Author Topic: Very upset... (Read 4446 times)