Rocky - the quiet moments

[bunglycat]

 

[furbabystar (Michelle)]

 

[Janeyk]

 

[Stuart ( Olivia's Butler )]

 

[Bazsmum]

 

[RockysMum]

I had a sleepless night last night because I couldn't get the wee man out of my head. When I have nothing else to think about I find myself getting upset. Miss you so much rocky-by, can't believe it's nearly a year.

The quiet times are hardest
when I can’t avoid the pain
When I want to just undo this mess
and bring you back again

Accepting it is still so hard
Someone must have got it wrong!
How could you not survive this
when I know you were so strong?

If love and simple force of will
could have kept you here with me
You would be right beside me still
But it wasn’t meant to be

I tried my very hardest
to give my hope to you
To keep you here with whispered strength
my fierce love to pull you through

But sometimes love is not enough
my will just had to bend
So with calm and quiet dignity
I could help you at the end

I know you’re still around me
in a thousand quiet ways
and all those little moments
will be carried through my days

[Janeyk]

 

[Bazsmum]

 

[RockysMum]

Well, here I am starting a new year and I still can't believe my wee Rocky isn't here anymore - even though its now been 8 months. I had a good old cry on New Years Eve, miss him so much still. I hope this year is a better one than last, losing my boy was such a horrible experience, hopefully this year will bring happier times x

[RockysMum]

Thanks for the nice words everyone. Well, the tree is up - although I cried on and off throughout the whole thing - some of them were happy tears as we traded 'Rocky' stories and laughed at memories of his antics. It was that damn santa that set me off, when I took him out of the box he was still covered in Rockys hair from last year. It was so starnge to sit back and look at the tree with a glass of wine without jumping up every two minutes to stop Rocky climbing on it/ tearing at the parcels/stealing baubles. how I miss his mischief and madness. It's nearly nine months now and I still miss him every day and feel angry too that he was taken from me. He will be in my thoughts on christmas day & no doubt there will be more tears when I give the other two their pressies!

[miriambuddy]

Oh hearing of Rocky at Christmas has made me cry, he sure was one special little boy, no wonder you still miss him so much. I'm sure, when Santa bring the pressies to your home on Christmas eve, he will bring a little piece of Rocky in with all the gifts and when you see a bauble swish on a branch of the Christmas tree, on Christmas day, you will know it is Rocky moving it.

[Janeyk]

 
I can understand,  our Christmas without Schui who passed this year too      

[clarenmax]

It will be our first Christmas without Max this year, so I know just how you feel.  I had a bit of a moment last week, ended up having a good old cry, its amazing how much we miss them 

However, on the upside its our first Christmas with Pootypants, so I'll put the tree up on Saturday, see how he likes it.  Hopefully it might stay in one piece 

[Bazsmum]

 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

    I find Christnmas so hard too and its 4 years now and will always remember Kockas last one with me for ever

[RockysMum]

I had a very wobbly moment at the weekend. I was having lunch with my OH after a days shopping and thought about how I'd need to put the christmas tree up soon. I was suddenly overwhelmed with missing my Rocky and ended up blubbing like a baby in the middle of the restaurant. My wee guy loved the chaos of christmas - climbing into every box as we unpacked decorations, making a bed under the tree (and on top of all the carefully wrapped presents), knocking down every card on the windowsill. Then the fun and games to be had with piles of wrapping paper on christmas morning. I will miss all that so much. My other two boys are so well behaved and I long for my little furry mischief maker to cause some mess and trouble in the house again. I know I'm going to struggle with my first christmas without him, I'm sitting here as I type, looking at a picture I have of him curled up on top of the santa clause I always keep under the tree. It's as old as he was and pretty dog eared from all the affection it got from Rocky over the years. I'm absolutely dreading opening the box and seeing that Santa. I can't believe how much it still hurts that he's gone. It's been more than 8 months and I still miss him so terribly. It's honestly the worst thing I've ever been through.

[bunglycat]

 
I still miss my Oscar and he has been gone over 10 years now -also Leo and Max and Sacha and they went over 15 years ago - i often think about them and also have dreams with them in them.

[Stuart ( Olivia's Butler )]

 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

definately a rocky rainbow, he is there and watching over you 

[clarenmax]

Awwww, sounds like a special Rocky rainbow to me as well 

Hope you have a lovely birthday 

[furbabystar (Michelle)]

Happy Birthday Nicola !!!

And I am pretty sure that Rainbow was sent from Rocky 

xxx

[Yvonne]

 

 

Rocky sure is thinking about you and so are we, we all know what it is like to lose a precious furbabe and glad that the rainbow made you feel good.

Hope you have a good birthday with lots of    

Then later maybe some of    

With love from Yvonne, Spotty, Homer, Parrot, Cody, Ginger Snaps and and Jacob Black  xxx

[Janeyk]

  aww that's lovely, and Happy Birthday to you 

[RockysMum]

Today is my birthday and 7 months since my boy was pts. I had to be in work early for a meeting, forgot my umbrella and then the train was late - so not a good start to the day. But then, as I walked into the station, a huge rainbow appeared and curved right over the top of the station where i was standing. I've never been much of a believer in an after life in the past, but I can't help thinking that this was Rocky sending me a happy birthday wish just when I needed it most. It certainly made me feel a whole lot better. I honestly felt like he was somewhere out there thinking of me!

Nicola

[miriambuddy]

beautiful poem 

[furbabystar (Michelle)]

 

Just wanted to give you a hug, I dont think it gets any easier and i know how you feel xx

[Bazsmum]

 

[Janeyk]

 

[RockysMum]

Today I thought about you
I’m missing your sweet face
Your clumsy bold affection
that nothing can replace

I smile for all the time we had
although I shed a tear
The memories are magical
but I long to have you near

I'll keep our special moments
as a way to ease my pain
and remember you my best friend
until we meet again.

I was blessed to have you in my life
How it hurt to watch you leave
But I’ll think about you often
As I struggle. As I grieve

No-one else can truly know
Just what you meant to me
I strive just to explain myself
I want to make them see

You were such a joy to be around
A gift in many ways
And all the love you gave me
filled our time with treasured days

Its never easy letting go
When you lose someone you love
I hope you’re making rainbows
From somewhere up above

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Its just the hardest thing to get over and 4 years on I still have very bad times over Kocka.

The what ifs are part of the grieving process and I used the Blue Cross line but by email cos couldnt talk to anyone.

I so understand how you feel as I am sure everone does but each person grieves at d different pace, I dont think it ever really goes away, just gets slightly dimmer.

I found that everytime I had a very bad phase I used to write down how I felt about Kocka and what I remembered about her and think that helps. I still have all her things and when I move she will come with me.

All I can do is send you some of these  and it does get better over time, a long time.

[miriambuddy]

The Blue Cross have a pet bereavement line  - 0800 0966606, this might give some comfort  www.bluecross.org.uk

It is staffed by really nice, fully trained people

[Janeyk]

I'm sorry it is still so painful for you, having lost my dear boy 6 months ago I can understand how you feel I get those what if's too that's natural but do try and concentrate on the good times you shared and in time I think you'll find you'll get close to your other 2 boys too   

[clarenmax]

Awww sweetheart, it is incredibly hard, and its only been a month since I lost Max, but the pain is still there, maybe a bit more dulled than it was, but still there 

Try to think of the wonderful times you shared, and that you were blessed to have each other in your lives    Some people never get the chance to share an amazing bond like you clearly did with Rocky, so take comfort in that if you can 

[RockysMum]

It will be 6 months on 4th October since i lost my boy and life has gone on. But nothing is the same. I just can’t get over it. I still can’t think about him properly without crying. I HATE that he is gone and I still find myself goig through 'what ifs' and imagining different outcomes that would mean he was still with me. It’s unbearable and I seem to miss him more as time goes by rather than less. I just feel such a hole in my life where he used to be. I feel so sad. I don’t know what to do. My other two boys are wonderful but they are so much more independent and he was my special wee guy. 6 months is such a long time and it feels so very long since Rocky was happily bounding through my day to day life creating havoc and yet it also seems like yesterday since that heartbreaking last time I held him in the vets. I miss him so terribly.

[clarenmax]

 

Its only a few weeks since my boy went to the Bridge, and although Poot is a beautiful boy and I'm smitted with him, I miss my Max's little furry face greeting me at the front door.

I don't think we ever stop missing them 

[Stuart ( Olivia's Butler )]

Know the Feeling Hun, although I have Olivia and Love Her to Bit's
I still have Moment's thinking about my Boy's, They are never far from My Mind.

I still Miss Them Both 


for You 

[RockysMum]

Just got back from a 2 week holiday and it felt awful coming home to 2 cats instead of three. It's been almost 5 months and I still think about Rocky every day. i miss the wee guy so so much. I hate the fact that he's not here with me.

[miriambuddy]

I was also thinking of my Buddy in last night's storm. He used to run in from just a strong gust of wind, no way he would of survived last night, he would be totally terrified.
Just like Gill says, the memories of their characters will be cherished forever.

There is a film called 'What dreams may come' staring Robin Williams and it has a vision of Rainbow Bridge in it. It is a beautiful film, I highly recommend it. It is currently available on play.com for about £4. When you watch it, you will have hope of the day you are reunited with little boy Rocky.

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Yes its these sorta things that get you and make one feel so gulity ......but dont, take it as a great memory of his little character   

[RockysMum]

Had a wobbly moment last night. my 2 boys spent most of the night curled on my lap hiding from the thunder storm outside. I looked at Rocky's picture and just felt awful that he wasn't there. Although knowing Rocky he would have been out in the middle of it - nothing scared him! He always went out in the muddiest weather then came home and made sure he walked on as many surfaces as possible for maxiimum muddy pawprint coverage. To think of all the times I moaned about cleaning them up. i'd give anything to have him trailing mud through the house again!

[RockysMum]

Dear Rocky's mom,
I'm so sorry that you lost little Rocky, I understand the pain. My little Buddy has been missing for just under a month and I've tried absolutely everything to find him and I just haven't. Through my posters and leaflets I got about 15 possible call outs but everytime it was a different cat. Walking around calling his name with a bag full of posters, carrying the cat box, stopping people in the street pleading if they cold look out for him.

What you wrote about the garden really touched me. My Buddy loved the back garden, he has his own special 'director's style' chair and he would sit for hours and hours in it, looking at the birds in the trees and chattering his teeth at passing pigeons and sparrows. When it became dark I used to bring his chair in with him still in it!
 He would jump into his chair ever before I had put it on the ground. In the winter his chair was inside. We would stand by the back door, looking out upon the cold of winter and I would say to him, 'Don't worry Buddy, summer will come'. Summer has come but Buddy is not here sitting in his beloved chair. I hate summer now. His chair is still here, waiting for him to pounce into, smiling at the warm rays of sunshine and the look on his face of 'everything is alright in the world'.

I live alone with Buddy so my photo gallery on the wall is just pictures of Buddy and me, I have no other family. There is one picture I took of him sitting on top of the fridge and the angle is of him looking down towards me and as I sit at this computer, it is like he is looking right a me and all I can do now is tell him how sorry I am that I couldn't find him, I miss him so much.

If I never get to be reunited with Buddy here on earth, I hope that he, Rocky and all the beloved other little ones are all playing at the Bridge, free from pain or fear.

Rocky sounds like an amazing little boy, and I am sure you were the best mother he could ever of wished for.
Take Care,
Miriam

Oh Miriam, you're words really touched me and thank you so much for taking the time to respond when you are going through so much yourself. I also have a picture of rocky that looks like he's looking directly at me and for weeks I found myself saying sorry to him when i looked at it. sorry that i couldn't save him and had to let him go.

I can't imagine how hard it must be, at least I have closure and although i know my little man is gone for good, i also know he went peacefully while curled on my lap and that i did all I could. It must be torture going through what you are.

Buddy looks like a gorgeous boy, a fabulous tabby just like my Rocky. If he's out there somewhere, rest assured he'll be fighting to get back to you. They know when they are truly loved and after experiencing my boy crawling home with broken hips i know how strong they are and how much he will try to be reunited with his lovely mum.

I really really hope he comes back to you and has many more years sunbathing in his chair ahead of him. I'll keep up with you on your thread

Take care,

Nicola

[miriambuddy]

Dear Rocky's mom,
I'm so sorry that you lost little Rocky, I understand the pain. My little Buddy has been missing for just under a month and I've tried absolutely everything to find him and I just haven't. Through my posters and leaflets I got about 15 possible call outs but everytime it was a different cat. Walking around calling his name with a bag full of posters, carrying the cat box, stopping people in the street pleading if they cold look out for him.

What you wrote about the garden really touched me. My Buddy loved the back garden, he has his own special 'director's style' chair and he would sit for hours and hours in it, looking at the birds in the trees and chattering his teeth at passing pigeons and sparrows. When it became dark I used to bring his chair in with him still in it!
 He would jump into his chair ever before I had put it on the ground. In the winter his chair was inside. We would stand by the back door, looking out upon the cold of winter and I would say to him, 'Don't worry Buddy, summer will come'. Summer has come but Buddy is not here sitting in his beloved chair. I hate summer now. His chair is still here, waiting for him to pounce into, smiling at the warm rays of sunshine and the look on his face of 'everything is alright in the world'.

I live alone with Buddy so my photo gallery on the wall is just pictures of Buddy and me, I have no other family. There is one picture I took of him sitting on top of the fridge and the angle is of him looking down towards me and as I sit at this computer, it is like he is looking right a me and all I can do now is tell him how sorry I am that I couldn't find him, I miss him so much.

If I never get to be reunited with Buddy here on earth, I hope that he, Rocky and all the beloved other little ones are all playing at the Bridge, free from pain or fear.

Rocky sounds like an amazing little boy, and I am sure you were the best mother he could ever of wished for.
Take Care,
Miriam

[Janeyk]

  aww I know how you feel, it's 4 months since Schui was pts I still miss him dearly but it is easier.  I find it very hard to see pics of him still though especially the ones just before he was pts.

[RockysMum]

It was 3 months on Saturday. In one respect I can't believe it's been so long, as my memories of him settling on my knee as he was pts in the vets that night are so clear and yet it also feels like such a horribly long time since I last saw Rocky. It doesn't make sense but thats how it feels.
I am getting better and it all feels less 'raw' now. I should be relieved, but there's a part of me that hates it because I can't picture him as clearly and instantly as I could just a few weeks ago.
I wish I had some video footage of him because the images of him running around or jumping onto my lap that I had in my head are fuzzy now.
Miss you my wee Rockster xx

[Tiggy's Mum - Helen]

I hate this and just wish i could think of him without the horrible feeling of sadness.

I know it seems impossible but that really will come in time  I actually consulted an animal communicator (if you knew me you'd realise how crazy that sounds as I am soooo not normally into that sort of thing), and I am absolutely convinced that she made contact with my beloved Tiggy.  I still miss her and always will but I was able to allay my terrible feelings of guilt for having to have her put to sleep, she was 19 ands very ill but it didn't make the decision and aftermath any easier. Once I knew she was OK and din't blame me it made the moving on much easier.

[RockysMum]

I'd like to believe my dreams are his way of getting in touch, like so many of us i wish he could send me a sign that he's still out there somewhere better than here. I had another dream last night. I dreamt I was in the garden trying to take photo's of Rocky but every time I tried he faded away only to reappear elsewhere. it was so frustrating and he was calling out to me and getting frustrated in the dream too.

I'm still really missing him and get tearful a lot when i think of him. it will be 11 weeks on saturday and yet it seems like no time at all.

A huge part of me still can't believe he's gone for good. I just can't fully accept that he won't be coming home. I hate this and just wish i could think of him without the horrible feeling of sadness.

[Janeyk]

I really do believe that our Bridge babies come and visit and you dreaming about Rocky is his way of visiting you and trying to let you know that he is okay   

You could be right, I have this recurring dream about our first 2 cats Penny and Squeaky where we have lost them so we go looking for them and find them 

[sheryl]

I really do believe that our Bridge babies come and visit and you dreaming about Rocky is his way of visiting you and trying to let you know that he is okay   

[Janeyk]

I dream about my cats too and it is sad when you wake up and it's a dream but shows they are there in spirit 

[RockysMum]

These past few nights I've been dreaming of Rocky. The dreams are so vivid and it's strange because in them i know he's gone but am so thrilled because he's come back to me. last night i dreamed that my other boy Bailey was howling at a strange cat outside my window (which he does frequently) i ran out in my pyjamas to stop him and rocky came running towards me from under a parked car. He was meowing and rubbing off my legs then rolling around at my feet just like he always did. It was so real!!

Horrible when i woke up and realised it was just a dream...i even found myself looking out of the window just in case. God, seeing him alive in my dreams is wonderful but also really upsetting when i wake up to reality. i'm welling up just remembering it.